While I'm Waiting...

Adoption and Birth Mothers

2012-01-20T09:54:00.001-06:00

Do any of you watch Parenthood? I love that show. Never watched it until this season, but I love it now!

Anywho...one of the story lines involves a couple who struggle with infertility. They are in the process of adopting and actually have a relationship with the pregnant birth mother. She is getting further along in her pregnancy and the show is doing a good job of showing how difficult this process is for the birth mother. She keeps talking about how she knew this would be hard but never imagined how difficult it really would be. Can you imagine? Spending 9 months with a child growing inside of you, feeling their movements...seeing their face after giving birth and then never seeing them again. Never knowing what happened to your child...(Now, some birth parents do have contact with their children after adoption, but with international adoption and other closed adoptions that is not the case.)

It has me thinking a lot about our child's birth mother. We will more than likely never meet her, nor know all that much about her, but I can't imagine how hard it is on her for her baby to be placed in an orphanage. What caused her to do it? Is she single? (Single mothers are still very much looked down upon in many parts of the world.) Are finances the issue? Are her parents forcing her to do it? Is she married with other children and can't take care of another one?

Regardless of the "why" I'm sure it still can't be easy. I'm sure she will always wonder what happened to her child. If he or she is loved...taken care of...happy...

I just pray that the Holy Spirit will wrap her in His arms. That she will come to know Him as her Savior, if she doesn't already. That she will know that her baby is loved.

Waiting on God Sermon

2012-01-15T21:40:00.001-06:00

Today’s post is brought to you by my hubby…

Our pastor, Ray Jones, started a new sermon series this morning titled “Getting to Know God”, with the first message titled “Waiting on God”. The sermon was from the following passage:

“He has broken my teeth with gravel; he has trampled me in the dust. I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. So I say, ‘My splendor is gone and all I had hoped from the Lord.’

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me . Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.’

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.

Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust – there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace.

For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.”

-Lamentations 3:16-33

I don’t know that I have heard many sermons preached from the book of Lamentations, but this one was really good and it was very appropriate for the journey we find ourselves on. In this passage, the prophet Jeremiah is expressing his grief, and at the same time is reminded of the goodness and love of the Lord during the waiting times of life.

Brother Ray mentioned four things that should be done while we wait on the Lord. First of all, we should look down in humility (as opposed to turning away in rebellion) (v.20). Secondly, we should look back and remember the love, mercy, and faithfulness that God has shown us in our past situations (v.21). Thirdly, we should look up with hope (v.24). And finally, we should look out toward the future, for what He has in store for us (v.31).

So why does God make us wait? Brother Ray gave three reasons (and I’m sure there are more, but these are good):

1. To regulate our speed – we get in such a hurry these days, sometimes we need to slow down and listen to what He is trying to tell us.

2. To refocus our attention – we stay so busy that we tend to give Him less and less of our time and energy.

3. To refine our spiritual hearing – sometimes it takes a trial or a season of waiting for us to get quiet enough to hear what the Lord has to say to us.

All three of these things really hit home with me this morning, because they all made sense in light of our struggle with infertility and loss. It made me think back to where we were when we first started trying to get pregnant, and how we (or at least I), just assumed that it would happen the way I envisioned it, and life would go on from there. How differently things have happened! And at the same time, thinking back to the me of almost 4 years ago, I never would have dreamed that we would be waiting now for a call from Russia to find out who our child was. If someone had told me then, that I would be waiting for that now, it would have been unnerving and scary, but God has taken me so far from where I was 4 years ago, in a good way, that I am excited about, and looking forward to, getting that call.

Even though almost nothing that has happened in the last four years was part of my original plan, knowing that it was always part of His is comforting. Even though waiting is hard, I know that the wait and what the Lord has in store for us will all be worth it in the end.

Waiting...

2012-01-10T10:00:00.000-06:00

Waiting. I seem to do a lot of it...we all do in one way or another...hence the name of the blog. For me, first there was the waiting to start trying to get pregnant, then the waiting to get pregnant, then the waiting to begin infertility testing (they typically don't start testing until after a year of trying to conceive), the waiting to see if Clomid would work, then waiting to see if injectibles would work, the waiting for lab work and ultrasounds, waiting the dreaded two weeks almost every cycle for 4 years to see if there were two lines on those darn pregnancy tests, then the waiting for each ultrasound when we found out we were pregnant, then the waiting to have a D&C once we found out our baby no longer had a heart beat, then the waiting to let my body and our emotions heal to begin TTC again, then the waiting...OK, I went on way too long there, I think you get the picture.

Now...the waiting is different. We are waiting for that life changing phone call from our agency telling us we have been matched with a baby. I have less control over this wait...and somehow that is reassuring to me. Weird, I know. Everything during the infertility journey was not at all in my control, but I had to juggle all of the balls...doctors appointments, labwork, phone calls, shots, medicine, ultrasounds, more waiting for phone calls (there's that waiting word again). It's actually a really nice feeling for this step to be completely out of my control.

The even weirder feeling in this step of waiting though...is that our baby is in Volgograd and we are not there with him or her. I can't explain how crazy that feels...to on one hand BE a mother...but to a child I have never met...to not be able to comfort him or her when they cry...not to be able to rock them to sleep at night...

However, guess who CAN protect, love and nurture our baby until we can? It gives me a huge peace to know that our Heavenly Father CAN. My prayer through this wait is that He will supernaturally take care of our baby...that He will send an angel to love on that baby. While I'm waiting this time my prayers are different...they are for our baby that I will meet one day (hopefully not too far off). That God will bring us to our baby at precisely the right time and that until that day He will care for that baby as only He can.

What are you waiting for? What are you doing while you wait? God doesn't want us to waste the waiting time...He has a plan for us even during the dreaded waiting!

Thirty-One Products Fundraiser

2012-01-06T11:51:00.005-06:00

Williams' Family Adoption Fundraiser!! A Thirty-One consultant in my area has offered to donate 100% of her commission from a Thirty-One party to our adoption fund! If you have never heard of Thirty-One products, they are a great Christian organization that sells totes, purses, organizational products and so much more in a variety of very fun prints. You can get things personalized too...who doesn't like a monogram after all? :) If you are interested in buying some awesome products and supporting our adoption fund at the same time you can shop at this link. Orders must be placed by January 16th, so do your shopping now! :) Thanks everyone!

The Whole Staircase

2012-01-05T18:41:00.001-06:00

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV)

Someone once said that if God showed us every detail of our lives - all at one time - we would sit down and refuse to face another day.

Isn’t that true?? We wouldn’t be able to handle it if we knew what all our future held. It might be too scary, too overwhelming, or on the flip side too comfortable…allowing us to become too dependent on ourselves.

But because He is a loving God, He gives us only what we need to know today. He reveals His plan to us one day at a time. Even though to us that seems more overwhelming because we want to know what the whole plan is and what our entire future looks like.

He doesn’t show us everything though because we must depend on Him. We must have faith that He knows our future and that’s all that matters.

Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

TRUST Him and He will show you His will for your life. He has a plan for you...every day, every hour, every minute of your day. Seek Him and follow His plan!

“Here I Am” by Downhere

2011-12-30T10:00:00.000-06:00

I have heard this song a million times but the lyrics just hit me tonight. It’s a really awesome song and my prayer for my life! Lord, use my life story, all of it’s broken pieces, and make it a part of your amazing glorious plan! (I have bolded my favorite parts.)

“Here I Am” by Downhere

Sometimes Your calling, comes in dream
Sometimes in comes in the Spirit's breeze
You reach for the deepest hope in me
And call out for the things of eternity

But I'm a man, of dust and stains,
You move in me, so I can say

Chorus
Here I am, Lord send me
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,
Here I am

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands
Are You not the closest when it's hardest to stand
I know that You will finish what You began

And these broken parts You will redeem
Become the song that I can sing

Chorus

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness
And the fear that I'll fail You in the end
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,
I can't put this together but You can

Chorus

Here I Am, all my life an offering to You, to You
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan
Here I am

You can listen to the song here.

Desert Experiences

2011-12-27T10:00:00.000-06:00

Some thoughts for your day…(summarized from none other than Girlfriends in God)

“Moses answered the people, 'Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today ... the LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.’” (Exodus 14:13-14, NIV)

We all probably feel like God has led us through the desert at some point in our lives. If you are currently in that desert, do you trust Him? Do you trust that He can and will make a way for your broken paths to be made straight when you call on Him? Instead of keeping our eyes on the circumstances of our desert, lift your eyes to your Savior. Call on God, and say to your soul: Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today...the LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still (Exodus 14:13-14, NIV).

Ahhh…all we need to do is be still and listen for God’s guidance through that desert. He is faithful!

Heartbreaker Christmas Song

2011-12-24T10:00:00.001-06:00

“Father of the fatherless be with your sons and daughters this Christmas…Father let us not forget the children who are all alone this Christmas…”

Do those words bring tears to your eyes? Cause they sure do to mine. The lyrics come from an older song by Toby Mac that I had heard before but never heard the words until a couple of days ago. It just breaks my heart to think of all of the children around this world that are fatherless…at least fatherless on this earth.

While you are enjoying your family this Christmas, remember the 147 million children who do not have families to spend their Christmas with. Many of them don’t even have anyone to share the true meaning of Christmas with them. Pray that God will bring forth willing adoptive families all across this world to bring these children into loving homes so that next Christmas they will have a real home!

“This Christmas” by Toby Mac

Woman: Joy to the world
Let heaven and nature sing
Let heaven and nature sing

Toby Mac: Now Johny never got his wish on December 25
That's what he said when he left the orphanage
9 years old, but Johny was an old soul
Gonna spend his first Christmas in a real home
Showed me a picture that he drew the night before
Was a picture of a man standin' outside a door
I asked him who it was and he said someone I only
see in dreams
Comforts me when I cry myself to sleep

Woman: Father of the fatherless
Be with your sons and daughters this Christmas
This Christmas

Toby Mac: Believe in angels?
Johny asked me starin' at the sky
I said I do and saw a sparkle in his eye
Big brother for the weekend respondin' to the season
Took the chance that givin's better than recievin'
Two nights, a new family, some holiday cheer
We laughed and sang
Came on a midnight clear
We gave, received, and as we headed to close
We looked to the heavens and it started to snow
Down blessings

Woman: Father of the fatherless
Be with your sons and daughters this Christmas
(Toby Mac: You ain't livin' til you choose to give love and joy and peace to one of His)
Father let us not forget
The children who are all alone this Christmas
(Toby Mac: You ain't livin' til you choose to give, you ain't livin' til You choose to give)

(James 1:27)
Little Boy: Religion that God our Father
Accepts as pure and faultless is this
To look after orphans and widows in their distress
Merry Christmas everyone

Woman:Joy to the world
The Lord is come
Let heaven and nature sing
Let heaven and nature sing
Let heaven and nature sing
Let heaven and nature sing

Toby Mac: Believe in angels Jonnie asked me starin' at the sky
I said I do and saw a sparkle in his eye
9 years old, but Jonnie was an old soul
Gonna spend is next Christmas in a real home

Woman: Father of the fatherless
Be with your sons and daughters this Christmas
(Toby Mac: You ain't livin' til you choose to give love and joy and peace to one of His)
Father let us not forget
The children who are all alone this Christmas
(Toby Mac: You ain't livin' til you choose to give, you ain't livin' til you choose to give)
Father of the fatherless
Be with your sons and daughters this Christmas
Let Heaven and nature sing
Let Heaven and nature sing
Father let us not forget
The children who are all alone this Christmas
(Toby Mac: You ain't livin' til you choose to give, you ain't livin' til you choose to give)

Toby Mac: You ain't livin'
You ain't livin'
You ain't livin'

Woman: Let Heaven and Nature sing
Let Heaven and nature sing
(Toby Mac: You ain't livin' til you choose to give, you ain't livin' til you choose to give)
Don't leave me all alone
This Christmas

Little Boy: Merry Christmas Everyone

You can listen to the song here.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-20T16:26:00.001-06:00

Can you believe Christmas is in 5 days?!? What in the world? How did that happen??

I hope each of you enjoy this holiday season! I know how hard it is when you are struggling with infertility and loss but I pray earnestly for each of you, that God will comfort you and give you the strength to get through this holiday season. Know that what you are feeling is normal and it’s okay to grieve, it’s okay to feel sad, it’s okay to cry and it’s okay to ask for space. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and always remember that Jesus is right there holding you up through it all.

For those of you that have new additions, through birth or adoption, enjoy your new little families and make many many happy memories this Christmas!!

Merry Christmas blogging world!

The Reason for the Season

2011-12-16T10:00:00.000-06:00

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to really make Jesus the center of this holiday season. Things have become so commercialized and Jesus is so often left out of the celebrations. Not cool.

I was talking to a coworker a couple of weeks ago that had the conversation with her kids about how Santa was not real because they had started putting Santa in a higher place than Jesus. They were concerned about behaving for Santa when we should all be concerned about behaving for Jesus! In a child’s eyes how can Jesus compete with a man who brings you tangible presents? Ouch. Made me really think about how we are going to handle Christmas and Santa and everything else about this time of year with our children.

Anywho, here is a recent Girlfriends in God devotional and I wanted to share.

How to Have a Joy-Filled Christmas Part 2

Today’s Truth
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son (John 3:16, NIV).

Friend to Friend
I believe the secret to a holy and joy-filled celebration of Christmas is found in giving. It always has been. Are we giving the wrong gifts to the wrong people? Maybe we are not receiving the right gifts with the right attitude. Over the next few days, we will examine several truths about Christmas that will lead us once again to the manger, where we will worship the Christ child and experience a Christmas holiday filled with love, peace and joy.

First truth: We must receive God’s gift to us.

Luke 2:8-12“There were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them; and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." (NIV)

Second truth: We must give the right gifts to Him.

Christmas is the birthday of Jesus Christ. Yet, we celebrate His birthday by giving gifts to everyone but Him. What gifts does He want from us? What gifts are fit for the King? To answer that question, let’s go back to that first Christmas and see what gifts He received that first Christmas night.

· The gift of trust

The gift of trust was given to Jesus by Mary, a teenage girl who was engaged to Joseph. I can only imagine what thoughts raced through her mind when an angel appeared to Mary announcing she would give birth to a son named Jesus. I am certain she could not have possibly understood what the angel told her, but she knew the one who sent the angel, and that was enough for Mary. I can almost guarantee you it would not have been enough for me if I had been in her place. After all, she was a virgin and last time I checked, virgins cannot be pregnant. What would Joseph think? Trust shines best in the darkness. Trust is a gift fit for the King.

Proverbs 3:5-6“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight (NASB).

· The gift of obedience

Joseph gave Jesus the gift of obedience. He was betrothed to Mary, and in Jesus’ day, a betrothal was legally binding. While engaged, Mary becomes pregnant. Joseph knows he is not the father of this baby because he has never slept with Mary. His first reaction was to divorce Mary quietly, but an angel comes to him and explains that Joseph is to keep her but not sleep with her. Joseph’s response could have been many things but he responded with obedience.

John 14:15(NIV) "If you love me, you will obey what I command.”

Obedience is not just an outward action, but an inner attitude. I love the story of the small child who was riding in the front seat of the car. Wanting to be close to his dad, the youngster stood to his feet. Dad said, “Son, please sit down and put on your seat belt.” The little boy said, “But dad, I want to stand by you!” It took several attempts but the boy finally sat down. When his father bragged on his obedience, the little boy responded, “I may be sitting down on the outside, but I’m still standing on the inside.” Obedience is a deliberate choice to do what God wants us to do. Obedience is a gift fit for the King.

· The gift of praise

When the shepherds heard the news, they went to see Jesus for themselves. Afterwards, Scripture tells us they went on their way - praising God. Praise is a continual choice we must make again and again until it becomes a habit. A young hippie was sitting on a park bench, reading his Bible when he suddenly began shouting, “Praise God! What a miracle!” A cynic walking by stopped to ask the man why he was so excited. The hippie replied, “I was just reading how God parted the Red Sea and the whole nation of Israel walked on dry ground!” The older man snapped, “That’s ridiculous! Don’t you know the Red Sea wasn’t a real sea at all? It was only a few inches deep.” He then turned and walked away. For a moment, the young man was confused and discouraged but it was only minutes until his shouts again filled the air. The unbeliever returned to ask, “What are you shouting about now?” “Well, I just read how God drowned the entire Egyptian army in only six inches of water!” Don’t let anyone keep you from praising God. Don’t let any circumstance deny you the joy of praise. Praise keeps us kneeling before the manger and is a gift fit for the King.

Psalm 150:6 (NASB) “Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.”

· The gift of sacrifice

The wise men came, bringing gifts that required sacrifice on their part because they knew true worship always involves sacrifice. They brought gold, a precious metal, myrrh, an expensive perfume like Mary later used to wash the feet of Jesus, as well as incense, a rare and expensive product used in worship.

1 Chronicles 21:14 (NCV) “I won’t offer a burnt offering that costs me nothing."

Sacrifice goes beyond what is required or expected. The best gift, the most expensive and extravagant gift should go to the one whose birthday we celebrate. This year, give a sacrificial gift in His name.

As the Christmas season approaches, I encourage you to examine your heart and life. What gift does Jesus want from you this year? Is it whole-hearted trust? Is the Father waiting on your willingness to obey before revealing the next step on your journey? Do you live in the gear of attitude and praise? Is He asking you to lay everything down as a sweet-smelling sacrifice unto Him? The best gift we can give Him this year is our heart, soul and mind.

Yesterday, I revised my Christmas list from last year and it occurred to me that the name of Jesus is not on that list. To have a joy-filled Christmas, Jesus Christ must be in the backdrop of every gathering…every preparation… every plan and every holiday celebration. May it be so in our lives this Christmas.

Let’s Pray
Father, I celebrate the birth and life of Jesus Christ who is the very reason for the Christmas season. My gift to You this year is me … every part of my life in full surrender to Your plan and purpose. Please help me keep my eyes firmly fixed on You as I celebrate Christmas this year. May others see the joy and peace only You can give as I honor You on Your birthday.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn
Consider the following gifts you can give to Jesus this year. Read and memorize the verses listed below. Record them in your journal. When you are tempted to get side-tracked by the world’s materialistic view of Christmas, remember the gifts that are fit for the King.

Gift of trust

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NASB) “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Gift of obedience

John 14:15(NIV) "If you love me, you will obey what I command.”

Gift of praise

Psalm 150:6 (NASB) “Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.”

Gift of sacrifice

1 Chronicles 21:14 (ICB) “I won’t give an offering that costs me nothing.”

Almost Pretending

2011-12-12T13:31:00.001-06:00

It’s a weird feeling…being stuck between waiting and getting a referral. When our paperwork first got registered in Volgograd it all felt so real. We registered and bought our nursery furniture, all getting ready for that life changing call…and now we wait some more. It almost seems like we are pretending, if that makes any sense.

For people who are having a child biologically, they have a constant reminder that things are real and that there really is a baby on the way. They even have an approximate time that baby will arrive. For those of us that are adopting…no constant reminder…besides the lack of money in our checkbooks… :)…and no clue when that time will come. We have to go ahead and prepare so that when we do get that call we are semi ready, but it sometimes seems silly at the same time because we have no idea when that child will be arriving.

One of the things that I learned through our miscarriage though is to live in the moment. What I mean by that is that it’s okay to get excited about the future and prepare for things. I don’t have to worry about protecting my heart because God will protect my heart. We can be joyful and rejoice in what God has given us today and not worry about what tomorrow may or may not bring.

After the miscarriage, part of me wished that I hadn’t starting thinking of baby names and looking at nursery furniture and preparing for the future with my child. But through prayer and a little God given insight, I came to realize that God wants us to live joyfully each and every day. He blessed us with the pregnancy for 14 weeks and wanted us to live each of those days to the fullest, enjoying His blessing.

Today, God has given me the promise that there is a child on the other side of this that He has created for us to parent. I will rest in that promise and trust Him each day that He knows best and will bring us to that child when the time is right. So, until that time…We will continue preparing even though it does feel like pretend. :)

Russia Process

2011-12-05T10:00:00.000-06:00

I have gotten many questions lately about the Russian adoption process…I guess I have never blogged about it. Silly me.

Basically, right now our paperwork is in Russia, registered in Volgograd. We are waiting on a referral. That could happen today or in several months…no way to know. :) When we get that referral we will receive a picture of the child and the background information. Sometimes this information is questionable…they might have diagnoses on the background information that are not accurate, they might have diagnoses that are not identified, etc. For this reason, we will take all of the information that we receive and let a doctor from the UAB International Adoption Clinic review it and let us know their professional opinion. All they do at the clinic is work with international adoptive families, so they are used to reading these referrals. They will give us their opinion as far as if it looks like the child has fetal alcohol syndrome, if there are any troubling diagnoses in there, etc. At that point we will have the opportunity to accept the referral or turn the referral down and wait for another child. I can’t even imagine turning down the referral once we have seen the face of that child, but…it’s part of the process.

If we choose to accept the referral we will then wait for a travel date. The last family from our agency that adopted from Russia waited 6 weeks between accepting the referral and traveling for the first trip. We will travel to Volgograd for one week (well, we will be gone one week…but travel time is about 24 hours each way, so we aren’t exactly in the country for a whole week) and get to meet our child and spend some time with them each day we are there. At the end of the trip we can officially accept the referral or again, choose not to accept.

We then come back to the US, :( BOO, and do some more paperwork and wait for the next travel date. During this period, there is a possibility that we could lose our referral. The Russian government puts first priority on Russian families adopting, so if a Russian family comes forward interested in our child, they will get priority. This is something that I just can’t think about because I can’t imagine how hard that will be after meeting that baby. Please pray that this doesn’t happen, that God allows the referral that we get to be our child that we bring home!

At some point, typically 1-4 months after that first trip, we will head back to Russia and do some more stuff - court hearings, physicals, psychologicals, etc. The second trip we will be in Russia 3.5 weeks! Loooong trip. Sometimes this trip is broken into two trips, so we would have to make THREE trips to Russia. Yikes. All of this traveling is what makes adopting from Russia so expensive. At the end of the 3.5 weeks we finally get custody of our child and can come back to the US!

So, that is basically the process in a nutshell. Hope that helps answer some questions! :)

Prayers for our Child

2011-12-01T10:17:00.000-06:00

Becky had mentioned on her blog a while back about a neat (Neat? Who says neat these days?) baby present that she had received. I got her to send me the details and here is what came of it…

Sorry about the reflection of our chandelier (Jamie would be so disappointed in my photography skills).

“Prayers for our child” prayer cards! There are 31 of them each with a prayer and corresponding Bible verse on the back that gives you guidance about how to pray for your child each day. For example,

AND AND Aren’t those fun?? Barry thinks the scrapbook paper is too girly, but I thought it could work for either gender...

I have loved using them to pray for our own child and have also been able to give a set as a baby present. The most time consuming part of making them was getting the Bible verses and prayers typed up and with the right spacing. If you are interested in making some I can give you further directions, just shoot me an email. You can also use my pattern here.

Thanks for sharing Becky!!

“Stronger” by Mandisa

2011-11-29T10:11:00.000-06:00

Another oldie but goodie…

“Stronger” by Mandisa

Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better

And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you ...

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
In time it's gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

Check out the video here.

Praise that Perseveres

2011-11-26T10:11:00.000-06:00

I started trying to edit down this devotional because it is sort of long but there was just too much good stuff in there! I encourage you to read through this devotional from none other than Girlfriends in God :) as they talk about praising God through the trials in life. One of my favorite quotes here…“I’m reminded that in every situation, I come to a crossroad and have a choice: I can pout or I can praise. I can turn away from God because I don’t understand or I can turn toward God in full assurance that His understanding is enough for the both of us – even if it hurts – even if anger lingers – even if doubt looms.” (Emphasis throughout is mine.)

April 29, 2011 (see, drafts have been building up a LONG time)

Praise That Perseveres

Today’s Truth
About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. (Acts 16:25, NIV)

Friend to Friend
Andrea lives in Lake Mary, Florida and is the proud momma to four beautiful girls. Two of her daughters are identical twins who have cerebral palsy and are severely disabled. Over the past 14 years, Andrea and her husband have been through the ringer. Her days are spent caring for the twins. And they are grueling days: filled with many tears, outbursts of frustration, and bouts of anger. There have been times that she has felt abandoned by God. Andrea admits that on many days, she has called out to God like the psalmist did: Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer (Psalm 4:1, NIV).

Through it all, however, Andrea has determined that she will praise God in spite of the daily complications. “I have always prayed for healing for my girls,” she shares. “I believe that with the mere thought of our God that my girls could be restored. I know that if He heals them I will spend my life praising Him for that miracle and telling others of His goodness. Of course, although God can heal them, I’ve had to learn to spend my whole life praising Him simply because He is God – whether He heals the girls or not. I decided very early on that God is still God no matter what He allows in my life. I can trust Him even when I can't understand Him.” She thoughtfully finished with this statement: “It sounds easy, but it hasn't been.”

Oh, how I can relate to honestly like that! How I’m drawn to this type of God-courage. Her challenges are great, but she is determined to praise God anyway. When I hear stories like Andrea’s, my heart stretches toward trusting God. I hear and feel that the trials in her life have led her to a greater dependency on God and a deeper trust in His sovereignty. I’m reminded that in every situation, I come to a crossroad and have a choice: I can pout or I can praise. I can turn away from God because I don’t understand or I can turn toward God in full assurance that His understanding is enough for the both of us – even if it hurts – even if anger lingers – even if doubt looms.

Have you been to these crossroads?

God shows us a powerful example of praise that perseveres in chapter sixteen of the book of Acts. During the Apostle Paul’s second missionary journey, he and his ministry buddy Silas encountered a collision of faith and trouble while in Philippi. After Paul cast out a demon that was terrorizing a young slave girl, he and Silas were seized by disgruntled Roman citizens and dragged to the marketplace before the rulers. They were then wrongfully accused of public disruption. They were stripped, beaten, and unlawfully jailed without a trial. After the flogging, Paul and Silas were taken to the in the inner cell of the prison, normally reserved for the most dangerous offenders, and their feet were placed in stocks.

Though they had every reason to sit and stew because of the injustice of their situation, Paul and Silas chose to trust in God's plan and praise their Lord, Jesus Christ. Though they had open wounds and would have been in severe physical pain, Paul and Silas chose to glorify the name of God. “After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully. When he received these orders, he put them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks. About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them,” (Acts 16: 23-25).

Then God shook the earth and the prison foundations and loosed the chains of the prisoners. In horror, knowing he would be held responsible for the escape of the prisoners, the jailer raised his sword to kill himself – but Paul stopped him. He and Silas hadn’t fled. They stood amidst their dark circumstances and spoke and sang with confidence in their God.

As a result, several people, including the jailer and his family, came to believe in Jesus Christ. “The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. He then brought them out and asked, ‘Sirs, what must I do to be saved?’”

“They replied, ‘Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.’ Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all the others in his house. At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his household were baptized. The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God—he and his whole household,” (Acts 16:29-34).

Though we won’t always rejoice in our circumstances, we are commanded to always rejoice in the Lord. “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus,” (Philippians 4:4, 6-7).

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance,” (James 1: 2-3). When we praise the Lord through, and in spite of what we face, our praise becomes our deliverance through the trial.

“We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us…,” (Romans 5:3-5a NCV).

No matter what difficult times we encounter, God is worthy of our praise. When we choose to praise, we choose to trust God. When we choose to trust God, the broken world around us lifts their eyebrows in wonder – just like the Roman jailer. Sometimes a sacrifice of praise is required. Offer it. We can and should choose to bless His name through the pain, which astonishingly can bring His joy into our hearts.

Let’s Pray
Dear Lord, Thank You for being trustworthy and praiseworthy! I ask that You will nudge me to trust You each time I approach the crossroads of faith and trouble. In spite of the burdens on my heart and challenges in my path right now, I praise Your name and celebrate that Your hope will never disappoint. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.

Now it’s Your Turn

What steps can you take today that will help you remember to praise God when you come to the faith/trouble crossroads?
Sometimes life does not turn out like we thought it would. OK, not just sometimes, but most times. Is there any part of your life that seemed to take a bad turn, and then God showed you that it was indeed His perfect plan? What good did you see coming out of it?
Let’s talk about today’s devotion on my facebook page: www.facebook.com/GwenSmithMusic.

“Daylight” by Remedy Drive

2011-11-23T10:00:00.000-06:00

Continuing posting old drafts…I guess I never posted the lyrics to this song. I am sure everyone has heard it by now but I still love it. Actually, it was my ringtone for awhile. It’s such a great reminder that this life and all of the troubles that come along with it are temporary. Daylight is coming!

“Daylight” by Remedy Drive

Has everything you've counted on
Left you right here with no warning
Have your dreams become invisible
Wait with me dear till the morning
Light will make the night burnout

Hold on
Daylight is coming
To break the dawn
Daylight is coming

The brightest stars are falling down
Is hope lost in the black skies
The darkness must precede the dawn
Wait with me here till the sunrise
Wait, your night will soon fade out

Hold on
Daylight is coming
To break the dawn
Daylight is coming

Daylight is coming

Hold on
Daylight is coming
To break the dawn
Daylight is coming [Repeat]

Check out the song here.

Registering!

2011-11-21T21:46:00.001-06:00

Very out of character for me, I didn’t get a picture of it, but Barry and I registered a couple of weeks ago! We debated it for awhile…is it too early, are we crazy, etc. but finally decided to go ahead and register for the basics and then we can add to it once we get our referral. I am a planner planner planner and although God has taught me over the past few years that I can’t plan everything, things like this that I do have control over, I must plan for.

I will say, I felt the teensiest bit silly registering, obviously not pregnant. Luckily, I don’t really care what people think of me most of the time, so it didn’t bother me, but it was a little weird. They do not make baby registries easy if you are adopting. For instance, we had to put an expected arrival date. We obviously have no clue, so we just randomly had to pick a date. At least Babies R Us had a place to check if you were adopting…that’s gotta count for something.

And THEN last weekend Babies R Us had their furniture on sale 20% off, so we went ahead and purchased our baby furniture! We decided on a convertible crib since that will accommodate our child at whatever age that they come to us. And it was delivered today! Look how pretty…

Ohhh, ahhh. The rest of the pieces were special order so it will be a bit longer before we get those. It’s so exciting getting a few things in place for our baby whenever he or she arrives! :)

Victory in the Battle

2011-11-19T10:00:00.000-06:00

I am finally going through many of my blog post drafts that have been piling up for quite some time. I like these thoughts I found somewhere about the battles that we face every day…

“We can praise God for what He will do long before He does it. We can prepare a victory table before the battle begins, knowing that the battle belongs to our God. And don’t you know that a pre-battle victory party irritates the fire out of the enemy? I love that!

Celebrating the battle’s outcome is simply a matter of celebrating God, acknowledging His power on our lives, and walking by faith in the victory provided before the battle was even fought.”

Pretty awesome that we can have peace even in the midst of trials because we know that the Lord has already won!!

USCIS Pointless Fingerprints

2011-11-16T14:57:00.001-06:00

This past Monday we engaged in one of the most pointless things we have ever had to do. I understand getting fingerprinted and all…but we have already been fingerprinted and have FBI and ABI clearances. So why oh why does the US Citizenship and Immigration Services need to do it again and themselves? We had to drive to Birmingham, which is about 3.5-4 hours away, for a FIVE minute fingerprinting appointment. Seriously. FIVE minutes. All they did was use the live scan machine and take our prints…no official paperwork, no interview, no nothing but brief fingerprints. Sigh. At least we have friends and family in Birmingham and made a weekend of it, but still…I don’t get you USCIS.

Worry

2011-11-14T10:00:00.000-06:00

Just some thoughts (from somewhere…probably Girlfriend in God) for your day on worry…

Never worry about anything. But in every situation let God know what you need in prayers and requests while giving thanks (Philippians 4:6, GW).

Worry literally strangles our peace and weakens our faith.

Worry is a control issue.
Worry is wasted energy.
Worry is consuming and unhealthy.
Worry is a joy thief.
Worry is the interest that we pay today on tomorrow’s problems.
Worry is practicing atheism.
Worry makes everything seem bigger than it really is.

When we choose to trust God, we are choosing against worry. In Isaiah 26:3, Isaiah voices a powerful prayer of faith that should be our prayer as well. “You, Lord, give true peace. You give peace to those who depend on you. You give peace to those who trust you.” It is simple. God rewards our trust with His peace.

National Adoption Month!

2011-11-11T15:24:00.001-06:00

Now that it is mid-November, I thought it was time to welcome National Adoption Month on my blog. :) NAM is a time to raise an awareness of the need for more adoptive families and to celebrate current adoptive families! There are approximately 147 million orphans worldwide, 107,000 children and youth in the US foster care system waiting to be adopted, and 280 children in foster care waiting to be adopted just in Alabama! Every day in November Children’s Aid Society, my employer, is sharing an adoption fact on Facebook and Twitter – check it out to better educate yourself and help us find homes for all of these precious children!

VOLGOGRAD

2011-10-28T18:37:00.001-05:00

Ever heard of it? Me neither. But, guess what? Our child is in Volgograd!! We don’t know who our specific child is yet, but we are being registered in the Volgograd region of Russia so that is where our child is! Craziness. Storytime…

I was out of town for the past 3 days at an awesome staff retreat at Lay Lake. Side note: I love my coworkers. I carpooled on my way up and we got delayed because I had a spur of the moment conference call that I had to be on. (This is all pertinent to the story, so stick with me.) We pulled over at a fast food restaurant so that I could concentrate on the call and the girls I was riding with ate while I was on my call. Since we were running late I got my food to go and asked one of the girls to drive my car the rest of the way so that I could eat. When we were about two exits away from where we needed to get off the interstate and drive 30 minutes down a country road to get to our lake house, I get a call from our adoption worker, Terri. She tells me that Russia wants us to register in the Volgograd region and she needs me to sign a couple of documents and overnight them to her. Russia only accepts paperwork on Thursday’s, so if we couldn’t get it to her then we would have to wait another week.

Here’s the kicker…I ask her if Russia randomly assigns you to a region and she says that no, they normally assign you to a region once they have a particular child in mind!!! What, what? Now this child could be already available for adoption, or almost ready for adoption, we don’t know but we do know that this process is moving VERY quickly and our baby is in Volgograd!!!

Now back to my story…so when she tells me all of this I am freaking out, literally shaking. God thing #1 - I was not driving, my coworker was. My debate was…track down a FedEx/UPS store in the middle of nowhere and be very late to our meetings or head to the meeting and wait a week. We decided on option 1. :) God thing #2 - If we hadn’t been running late because of the unexpected conference call we would have been at the lake house already and would not have gotten back out and driven an hour out of our way to sign the papers. Therefore we would have had to wait another week! God TOTALLY orchestrated it all!!

So with the help of my trusty iPhone and TomTom (what did we do before technology???) we found this…

Bar-D Western Store that handily doubles as a Fed-Ex/UPS store. And this…

is where I sat to print off the forms from my email that I needed to sign. Note the deer above my head. (Of course, keeping with what you could imagine from our location, the computer was a dinosaur and I had to call my worker back to have her send me the forms in a different format, still had problems downloading, but finally got what I needed). And this…

is the gun and pawn shop one of my coworkers had to seek out to find a blue pen for me to sign my forms! NO one keeps blue pens around these days and Russia needs every signature to be in blue ink. Another side note: These pictures are not painting a pretty picture of Alabama…it’s not all like this, I promise.

It was quite an adventure to say the least, but $26 dollars later we got them mailed off! Since I wasn’t with Barry, he had to leave work early to get his papers sent overnight also…but we did it! God got those papers in the right hands at exactly the right time! Now we wait and see if this is really going down as fast as it appears it might. Please be praying that God continues to orchestrate things in His perfect timing!!!!

Camp Life

2011-10-22T11:00:00.000-05:00

Wow. I had an amazing weekend this past weekend. Children’s Aid Society, my employer, hosted a camp for 14 and 15 year olds in foster care for three days and I enjoyed myself more than I can put into words. Many of these children will end up aging out of foster care, meaning they are on their own at 21. Completely on their own. No mom and dad to come running back to when they need money, no parents to encourage them to go to college, nowhere to go for Christmas, no one to call when they have a good day or a bad day. Can you even imagine? I STILL need my mommy and daddy!! :)

Check out these startling statistics…one in four of the 20,000 foster care youth who age out of the child welfare system each year are incarcerated within two years, one in five become homeless and only half graduate from high school. I encourage you to read this article on “The Aging Out Dilemma Plaguing the Foster Care System.”

It is so so sad to see. However, this camp was amazing for these kids, and for all of us that worked it! We did regular camp activities such as rock climbing, zip tower, archery, painting, etc. and then we also had workshops that taught sex ed, nutrition, exercise, budgeting, etc. Real life skills that these kids are really going to need. I can’t post any pictures of the kids because of confidentiality, but here is me…

Zip-lining! Can you find me?

Archery! My first time shooting a bow and I got all 5 arrows on the target!

Before camp I was dreading it and scared of what we might encounter. That’s a tough population and I historically do not like teenagers. BUT I loved it! I got to see a side of these kids that I normally don’t see. I work with a lot of families that are struggling with their teenagers and when I teach GPS classes I am preparing these families for the worst case scenario. And this camp showed me that these really are great kids! They have challenges in their past and in their future, but they are great kids who are fun to be around and there’s more to them than their struggles.

In all honesty I left thinking…I could do this…I could adopt a teenager. Wow…what am I saying? :) I bonded with my girls so much that I really would prayerfully consider adopting one of them if they ever became available for adoption. Never in my life would I have thought I would say that, but I just did. So there you go. Don’t be surprised if you see me stalking Heart Gallery Alabama and AdoptUsKids looking for my girls pictures…

The Next Step…

2011-10-19T19:14:00.001-05:00

Woop-woop! We just completed our next step in this adoption process…our USCIS paperwork. USCIS stands for U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services. Basically this paperwork included a cover letter, an application (Form I-600A, Application for Advance Processing of An Orphan Petition), our approved home study, copies of our birth certificates, marriage certificate and a certified check for a fairly large sum of money. :) USCIS will determine our eligibility as adoptive parents and the eligibility of our child to immigrate to the U.S.

Once they receive our paperwork they will notify us letting us know that we can set up our next set of fingerprint appointments. Why they require you to get fingerprinted again is beyond me, but that’s how it goes. We will have to travel to probably Atlanta for this appointment.

AND…Our paperwork should be on it’s way to Russia as we speak…or actually as I write!! I talked to our worker, Terri, yesterday and she was waiting on one last thing and then would be hopefully sending it on today. Talk about C-R-A-Z-Y!! We do not need to have our USCIS approval before we make our first trip, so everything is really lined up and ready to go for our referral!! It’s going so fast!!

Bible Verse of the Day

2011-10-14T09:00:00.000-05:00

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts” (Colossians 3:15a, NIV).

RULE in our hearts…not to just have a place in there for Him. Not to just have a peace that comes and goes depending on our circumstances. We must allow Him to RULE our hearts with peace. To control our hearts with the peace that only He can give. A peace that transcends our circumstances. That peace will then control our thoughts, emotions, conversations and actions. Are you letting Jesus RULE over your heart with peace??

Adoption Update

2011-10-11T09:00:00.000-05:00

And…we’re approved! :) Our home study was officially approved by our agency 2 weeks ago (slacker blogger, I know) and since then we have been submitting additional paperwork, signing a ton of papers, etc. that will all be submitted to Russia soon! When we got the email letting us know that our home study was approved we were also told that we needed to be prepared to possibly travel before, get this, the end of this year!! What!?!?

Because of the fact that we requested either gender and most families request girls, we could get a referral a lot faster than the original estimated timeline of 12-18 months. Now, we also might not. It could still be next July or later before we get a referral but there is a possibility that it could be a lot sooner. Craziness.

When we got that email we had a little freak-out because Barry is still in “school” at work and really can’t be missing work until July, 2012. We debated for a while if it was stupid of us to go ahead and submit our paperwork to Russia when we have a potential conflict with our schedules. On one hand God is totally in control of the timing of placing a child in our home but on the other hand God also gives us brains to think logically through things. We debated for awhile and finally went back to the fact that GOD IS IN CONTROL. We submitted our application exactly when the Lord made it clear to Barry that this was the path for us and we have been at complete peace with everything since then. It didn’t feel right to talk about holding off on submitting things to Russia, so we decided that it really is completely in God’s hands. If we have to travel before Barry is out of class than the Lord will work out the details.

Makes us a little nervous, but we still feel like we are exactly where the Lord wants us. So…please join us in praying that the Lord will go ahead of us (as we know He does) and orchestrate the timing perfectly according to His will.

Exciting times!!

Jeremy Camp

2011-10-08T15:14:00.001-05:00

I don’t know how much you know about Jeremy Camp, but I learned something very interesting about him while we were in Disney World at “Night of Joy”. His wife died when they were 23 years old, literally months after their wedding. When I learned that it made the lyrics to several of his songs so much more meaningful knowing that he has experienced such heartache and is still praising the Lord. I have had the song “Walk By Faith” in my blog post queue for quite some time but after reading a recent article about him, decided it was about time to post it. I am sure you have heard it because it’s been out for awhile but the lyrics echo my heart.

I also encourage you to take a minute to read this article about his testimony. Here is an excerpt…

In the passing of a loved one, would you be able to turn your earthly sorrow into heavenly hope? Could you truly lean on the Lord, trust in the power of His word and see that His plans toward you are for your good?

Camp, a talented singer/songwriter, wrestled with these questions and others from the depths of anguish after his wife, Melissa, died on Feb. 5, 2001.

"Why didn't you heal my wife?" he wailed in the weeks afterward. "I had faith. I believed. Why?"

The answer he heard from the Lord was not the one he wanted: "You are not supposed to know why. That is not my purpose for you. I want you to have a testimony of walking by faith."

Pretty cool, huh?

“Walk By Faith” by Jeremy Camp

Would I believe you when you say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ya

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Hallelujah, hallelu
(I will walk by faith)
Hallelujah, hallelu
(I will walk by faith)
I will walk, I will walk, I will walk by faith
I will, I will, I will walk by faith

You can listen to the song here.

Heartbreak

2011-09-28T18:48:00.001-05:00

“Share each other’s troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2, NLT)

One of my best friends lost her baby yesterday. She was 10.5 weeks. My heart feels like it is literally breaking for her. I know that pain all too well and have sobbed right along with her. I can really feel her pain because I have been there and know how absolutely terrible it feels.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV)

This was the Bible verse from my devotional yesterday morning. Little did I know how pertinent it would be for the day. My Girlfriends in God devotional went on to say,

“Compassion is not just sympathy. It is empathy….the more pain we experience, the more compassionate we will be. We must learn to use our pain in the right way, not lashing out, but looking within to share the pain of others. There is a choice in every pain, an opportunity in every trial. Pain makes us focus inward or outward. It makes us martyrs or merciful. The choice is ours.”

I love that whole paragraph. Because of what I have gone through in losing our babies I am able to truly share her pain with her. It hurts me to watch her going through this more than I can put into words, but God is allowing me to share with her the comfort that I have received from Him! He is giving my pain a purpose and using it to comfort a friend in return. Only God could orchestrate such a thing.

Please be in prayer for my sweet friend.

The Past Few Months in Pictures…

2011-09-22T01:52:00.001-05:00

I went to Atlanta to visit my sweet friend Courtney and her adorable baby Harper Kate.

Went to the original Chick-Fil-A which apparently is called the Dwarf House…still have no idea why.

Went to Camp APAC for a week but have no pictures yet to show for it.

Barry learned to crochet. (In his defense, this was not his choice).

I flew a helicopter. Very intently too I might add.

Then Emily and I went on an exciting plane trip together…you’d think I would have at least cropped our feet out…

Posed in front of a real army helicopter while I “showed hope”.

Went to the beach with our Nashville friends and buried their son.

Saw an awesome sunset on our anniversary beach trip.

I apparently wore my Show Hope shirt too much.

Stayed at the most amazing hotel in the world in Orlando for a grand total of $69 for 3 nights. Awesome. Deal.

Also figured out how to take the time stamp off the camera.

Ate a giganticly yummy pizza.

Went to Magic Kingdom and got arrested. Or whatever is happening here.

Rode some roller coasters.

Made some weird faces.

Got wet.

Jammed with Jars of Clay, Toby Mac, Mercy Me, Newsboys, Jeremy Camp, Skillet and many others at Night of Joy!

Used the word ‘jammed’ for the first time ever.

The End.

“Held” by Natalie Grant

2011-09-20T22:06:00.001-05:00

I have heard this song a lot lately and I think I tear up every time. I am constantly in awe at the feeling of being held by our Savior. He never promised us life would be easy here on earth but He did promise us that He will never leave us through it all.

“Held” by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we’d be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We’re asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it’s unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

Check it out on YouTube here.

Living Life

2011-09-14T20:12:00.002-05:00

We were in Orlando this past weekend for our now annual “Night of Joy” trip (I’ll post pictures later…maybe…I historically haven’t been very good about posting pics) and I was reminded of the following quote.

“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” - Brennan Manning

As we were standing there listening to Jars of Clay, a lady in front of us was chewing out a Disney employee because he wouldn’t let her go past a certain point (crowd control). She was using hand motions, yelling and using very mean angry words...the whole 9 yards. I was just so frustrated as I stood there watching the event unfold.

Now, I know that at a Christian concert not everyone is saved and I also know that even when you are saved anger is still very real. Satan knows our weaknesses. But it was just a reminder to me, and very convicting, that those of us who are saved, need to place our lives and our actions in His hands every single day. We have to continually pray that He will use our actions and our words to bring Him glory because people are watching.

I say all this not to point fingers at this lady and say she must not be saved. I have no clue about her relationship with the Lord, that is between her and the Lord. What I do mean to point out in all of this is that the world is watching each and every one of us. Watching how we live our lives. Watching how we react in difficult situations. Watching the words that come out of our mouths. And what do they learn if professing born again Christians act just like the world?

We all sin. There is only one perfect person who ever walked this earth, Jesus, in case you didn’t know :); however we are supposed to imitate Him. To strive to live our lives in a way that is pleasing to Him. The Bible says…

1 Corinthians 11:1 “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.”

1 Thessalonians 1:6 “And you became imitators of us and of the Lord, when you received the message with joy that comes from the Holy Spirit, despite great affliction.”

Philippians 3:17-18 “Be imitators of me, brothers and sisters, and watch carefully those who are living this way, just as you have us as an example. For many live (about whom I often told you, and now say even with tears) as enemies of the cross of Christ.”

1 Timothy 4:11-16 “Command and teach these things. Let no one look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in your speech, conduct, love, faithfulness, and purity. Until I come, give attention to the public reading of scripture, to exhortation, to teaching. Do not neglect the spiritual gift you have, given to you and confirmed by prophetic words when the elders laid hands on you. Take pains with these things; be absorbed in them, so that everyone will see your progress. Be conscientious about how you live and what you teach. Persevere in this, because by doing so you will save both yourself and those who listen to you.”

Ephesians 5:1-2 “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

1 John 2:4-6 “Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. But if anyone obeys his word, love for Godis truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.”

Romans 12: 2 - "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

1 Peter 2:12 - "Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us."

What do unbelievers (and believers alike) see when they watch you live your life?

Making Lemonade Out of Infertility

2011-09-07T17:48:00.001-05:00

I am guest posting today over at Jamie’s Rabbits. Come check out my post on the embarrassments of infertility…well…on the things that should be embarrassing if I had an ounce of modesty left in me. :) While you are at it check out the rest of Jamie’s blog. She’s one of my favorite people and she’ll make you laugh even on the worst of days. Enjoy!

Breast Cancer Awareness? Um no.

2011-09-06T21:34:00.001-05:00

For those of you not on Facebook this post might not make sense to you. But for those of you on Facebook you more than likely will know exactly what I am talking about. Lately there have been Facebook statuses that look something like this… “I am ___ weeks and I am craving _____”. The first time I saw it I thought the person really was pregnant…um, why would I not have thought that? Luckily, the Lord has brought me to a good place and for the first time in a long time I AM genuinely happy for my friends/acquaintances when I hear pregnancy announcements. HOWEVER, that has not always been the case and like I have posted about before here (I encourage you to check it out if you didn’t read it back in the day), Facebook can be a very painful place when you are struggling with infertility.

It seems like people are ALWAYS announcing pregnancies, complaining about pregnancy symptoms, making comments about wanting it to be over, etc. Those comments HURT when ALL YOU WANT is to experience the exact same thing! YOU want to be the one announcing your pregnancy, YOU want to be the one experiencing terrible heartburn and not being able to sleep at night. Pregnancy announcements cause such a roller coaster of emotions for those struggling with infertility and with Facebook those announcements and following updates can be constant reminders of what you are trying so desperately for.

All that to say, when I saw this post I just thought the girl was pregnant but then farther down in my feed there was another status update that followed the same pattern. I started to get confused at that point and then through some investigating found out that it is a Facebook game to raise awareness for breast cancer. Um, what???

First of all…it doesn’t. There is nothing about that status update that has anything to do with breast cancer. It does not raise breast cancer awareness.

Second of all…it can be VERY hurtful to women (and men) who are struggling with infertility and loss. It is making light of something so special and rubbing in their faces yet again that they are not able to post an honest status about being pregnant.YOU might think that it is silly for such a little Facebook game to cause that roller coaster of emotions, but it does. Approximately 1 in 6 women experience infertility, so chances are there are many women that YOU are Facebook friends with that are dealing with it. PLEASE think before you post!!!

One of the blogs I follow blogged about this exact topic, so I know I am not alone here in my annoyance of this game. Check her post out here…there was some HEATED discussion in the comments section.

What about you? Were you annoyed or hurt at this “game”?

“Make It Me, Lord”

2011-09-05T12:24:00.001-05:00

A friend sent this link to me and I wanted to share. A girl named Brittany Baker wrote the below song after visiting Maria’s Big House of Hope (One of Show Hope’s homes for orphans in China who have special needs). It is my prayer too!

“Make It Me, Lord”

Pulling into a ‘Great Big House’ on Father’s Day night
Hoping to SEE the needs of the orphans plight
But when she called me ‘Mama,’ then my heart did break
All they need is a family; who will fight for their sake?

Make it me Lord; take my hands.
I may be broken Jesus, but I’ll fulfill your commands.
Help me live out your example of love,
That they may know it comes from above.

Walking into a small room with mats on the floor
Seeing so many children that are broken and poor
But when I put the boy down, he reached up to me
All they need is a family to love unconditionally.

Make it me Lord; take my hands.
I may be broken Jesus, but I’ll fulfill your commands.
Help me live out your example of love,
That they may know it comes from above.

The needs are so great; our hands are so small.
Give us ears to hear Your specific call.

Make it me Lord; take my hands.
I may be broken Jesus, but I’ll fulfill your commands.
Help me live out your example of love,
That they may know it comes from above.
That they may know it comes from above.

The Infertility Treatment Vs. Adoption Wars

2011-09-02T11:29:00.001-05:00

Dawn at Creating a Family wrote an article today that echoed some of my thoughts from my post the other day and I wanted to share. During both our infertility journey and now the adoption journey we have received many questions. Some more intrusive than others, some out of genuine curiosity and some out of I don’t know what. Another big one we have been getting is, “Why would you adopt internationally when there are so many children in the US that need homes?” (I get this one A LOT because part of my job is recruiting adoptive parents for the children in foster care in Alabama.) All I can say to that is that a child is a child regardless of where they live and this is just the path the Lord has us on. No way is better than the other, God just has a child for us in Russia!

Anywho, most of those questions don’t bother me when I know the intent is out of genuine curiosity. But sometimes I DO feel like there is judgment behind the questions and that is what Dawn really talked about in her post today.

My favorite part of her post said, “I don’t have a problem with real, honest to goodness questions. I’m all for increased dialog and understanding. But the intent of a real question is to receive information. Many of these so-called questions are veiled, or not so veiled, attempts to judge the other person’s decision. These questions come with an inherent sense of the superiority of one method of family building.”

Check out her post here. I’ll give you a minute to read it…now what did you think?

New Wall Art!

2011-08-31T16:40:00.001-05:00

I was given the opportunity by Easy Canvas Prints to design and review a canvas for a VERY discounted price! It was quite exciting because I had been wanting to create a canvas print for our master bedroom for a long time but have not wanted to invest the money. My awesome friend Jamie took the picture for us last year and I have been dying to use it. I got the canvas in the mail yesterday and I love it!

(Don’t mind the date stamp that I STILL have not figured out how to remove from my camera…) Our walls are a sage green…it’s hard to tell that from these pictures. Although I don’t know why anyone would care either way…

I was really happy with Easy Canvas Prints. They had a very easy to use website with plenty of options in designing your canvas. I ordered the 24x36 canvas, which is the biggest they offer and just stuck with the .75” wrap, although they also offer a 1.5” wrap. I liked that the website rated the quality of your picture once you uploaded it so you knew if it would look OK blown up. You could also edit your picture on their website to make it sepia, black and white or full color. It shipped to me within a few days and I am very pleased with the quality. I would totally use them again! Check them out if you are in the market for a canvas!

Adoption Does Not Equal Pregnancy!

2011-08-27T20:50:00.001-05:00

I just wanted to share a little annoyance in my life right now. I knew this comment would come, and boy has it!

“Well, you know what is going to happen, don’t you? I know so and so who adopted and got pregnant right after they brought their child home! That is totally going to happen to you!” Or something to that effect.

Oh how it is so annoying. I know people mean well and I know they are just sharing their experience but it really does grate on my nerves.

First of all, that is NOT the reason we are adopting. It is not a way to have a biological child. It is not a back up plan since we have not had a biological child. This is the path the Lord wants us on and it’s not a path that we have chosen to get us a biological child. Who knows what God has planned for us, but we are not adopting for that reason.

The funny thing is that I almost hope that we don’t get pregnant just to prove all of those people wrong. That is crazy to say, I know, after trying for over 3 years to get pregnant. But I honestly feel that way. I am as excited, if not more so, about this adoption than I would be if we were pregnant again.

Second of all, I DO believe that God sometimes uses infertility to bring children into loving homes through adoption. Sometimes He allows infertility for a season and then blesses couples with a biological child, but it does NOT always happen this way. And by people making the above comment to me it feels like they are implying that having a biological child is better in some way. Or that they think we are “settling” by adopting. I am probably reading into it, but that is how I interpret it.

Moral of the story is even if you know of someone who has gotten pregnant after adopting, that is the exception not the norm and that’s not my hope in this. It is not helpful to share such stories with families who are adopting. It cheapens the adoption in some way, at least in our minds. Oh yes, and if you have already said something like the above statement to me, I don’t hold grudges, so no worries. :)

Anyone other adoptive families out there get annoyed and frustrated by comments people make??

Our Baby’s One Year Heaven Birthday

2011-08-24T14:52:00.001-05:00

I can’t believe it was a year ago today that our world came crashing down on us. It was a year ago today that we went in for a routine 14 week checkup and our baby did not have a heart beat. A year ago today our baby went to be with Jesus. A year ago today I felt like life would never go on. I didn’t want life to go on.

Today, I have hope. I still don’t understand it all. I still don’t know why it happened. But I do know that the Lord allows everything to happen for a reason and that He really and truly can make beauty out of the ashes. My relationship with the Lord has grown in leaps and bounds in the past year. I have been able to minister to so many people that I previously would not have been able to reach. If we had not had our miscarriage we would not be pursuing adoption at this time. Now, I am not saying that I am glad that we lost our baby, but I am saying that God has a reason for allowing things in our lives. He has a specific baby in Russia that he wants US to raise. And I couldn’t be more excited about that.

Our baby is safe in the arms of Jesus and while I still ache that I was never able to hold her, kiss her, watch her take her first steps, say her first words…I am so blessed that I was able to carry her for her 14 weeks here on earth. I would never trade that time I had with her and I can’t wait to hold her one day in Heaven.

Until then, life does go on. God has given us the strength to get through the past year and has blessed us with hope again. Today, I choose to celebrate the fact that our baby has been with Jesus for a year! While it is sad for us here on earth and while my flesh still misses her, what a great life our little girl is leading with the Lord!! Thank you Jesus!!

“Beauty Will Rise” by Steven Curtis Chapman

It was the day the world went wrong
I screamed till my voice was gone
And watched through the tears
As everything came crashing down

Slowly panic turns to pain
As we awake to what remains
And sift through the ashes that are left behind
But buried deep beneath
All our broken dreams
We have this hope

Out of these ashes beauty will rise
We will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning beauty will rise

So take another breath for now
Let the tears come washing down
If you can't believe, I will believe for you
Cuz I have seen the signs of spring

Because out of these ashes beauty will rise
We will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning

I can hear it in the distance
And its not too far away
Its the music and the laughter
of a wedding and a feast
I can almost feel the hand of God
Reaching for my face
To wipe the tears away
Say its time to make everything new
Make it all new

This is our hope
This is a promise
This is our hope
This is a promise
It will take our breath away
To see the beauty that's been made
Out of the ashes, out of the ashes
It will take our breath away
To see the beauty that He's made
Out of these ashes, Out of these ashes

Out of these ashes beauty will rise
We will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of this darkness new light will shine
And we'll know the joy that's coming in the morning
In the morning beauty will rise
Oh beauty will rise
Ohhh
Beauty will rise

And the Adoption Roller Coaster Begins…

2011-08-21T20:57:00.001-05:00

In case you weren’t aware…adoption, especially international adoption, is a crazy roller coaster. Country and agency rules and regulations are always changing, time frames can never be counted on, you never know when you’ll get a referral, when you’ll be able to travel, there are a ton of different individuals and agencies that you are dealing with so there are many places for the ball to drop, and on and on it goes. We got our first taste of this roller coaster last weekend (we went to the beach for our anniversary and I just HAD to check my email on the beach…shouldn’t have done that). The email that I got from our agency told us that families interested in adopting two children must now put that they are open to children ages 9-42 months. 42! That is a huge difference from the 24 months we were previously requesting.

We had prayed so much about one child versus two children and really felt at peace with our decision to adopt two children but this new requirement through a wrench in our plans. When we were requesting two children closer in age I knew it would be more difficult to care for them and meet their unique needs coming from an orphanage, but I believed we could do it. When the children are closer in age they are following similar routines, interested in similar activities, etc. But if we were to get a referral for a 9 month old and a 4 year old…they have VERY different developmental needs. Speaking from an adoption professional perspective I honestly don’t know if any family could give each child exactly what they need when there is that big of an age difference. It’s different when you have a biological child, or another adopted child, that has been living with you for 4 years and then you bring another child into the home.

Soo we talked and prayed about it all weekend and decided to change our request to one child. It breaks my heart to do that but I really do feel like we will be better able to meet the needs of each child better separately. We still plan on adopting another child in a couple of years, but we believe this is the best choice for each child in light of the new requirements.

We had our last home study visit this weekend also and it went great! She is going to work on writing up the home study and should let us see the rough draft in a couple of weeks! We’re moving quickly!!

Home Study and Our Request

2011-08-08T21:15:00.001-05:00

Our first home study visit went perfectly! We really like our worker and it was very low stress. This first visit was really all about the basics such as how many square feet our home is, what kind of foundation it is on, how close the nearest fire department is, how long Barry’s commute to work is, our financial form, etc. etc. I am assuming that during the second visit she will dig a little deeper into things such as our infertility, loss, childhoods, etc…so we will see!

We also made the decision…that we will be adopting TWO children! :) We have played around with that idea for awhile and the more we talk about it/pray about it, we both feel very comfortable with the idea…soooo we are taking that as our answer! We are requesting 2 children, either gender, ages 9-24 months. I asked if there was a pattern with the gender that Russia matches families with that request either gender and apparently there is a long wait for girls because so many families request girls. Sooo, since we are open to either gender more than likely we will get a referral for two BOYS! In fact, another family with Children of the World received a referral for a 9 month old little boy VERY soon after completing their home study. That makes me nervous because Barry cannot travel until July 2012 because of his work schedule. I know God is in control but it does make me a little nervous!

That’s the update for now! Hopefully we will have our second visit in the next couple of weeks!

Blessings in Odd Places

2011-08-07T21:39:00.001-05:00

I’m not sure that we define “blessing” in the right way these days. Think about it for a minute…how would you define a blessing? Would you define it as a positive thing that happens to us? As a gift bestowed on us by the Lord? The answer to our prayers? Well, blessings don’t always look like that. They aren’t always great big happy gifts with big bright bows on top. Blessings, I believe, should be looked at a little differently.

“A blessing is not always easy, painless, simple, comfortable or expected. A blessing often comes, wrapped in the mystery of darkness. But I am learning this truth - anything that makes us cry out to God can be counted as a blessing. Why? Because when we are desperate and in pain, when we have no answers and the darkness is closing in, we cry out to God, just as the disciples did - and He comes! Not because we have earned His presence or His mercy, but because we cried out with a tiny seed of faith, as His children, knowing He is not only able, but willing to come.” – Girlfriends in God.

I posted the song “Blessings” by Laura Story a couple of months ago and if you didn’t check it out then, go check it out now. The chorus says,

“Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise.”

Looked at in this way, infertility can be a blessing. Loss can be a blessing. Anything that you might be going through that causes you to call out to Jesus is a blessing because it is through those times that we draw closer to Him and He is there. He uses those times to refine us and to show us His love and mercy. God never said that this life would be easy but He did tell us that we would not have to go through it alone. I thank God for the experiences that He has brought me through and praise Him for His blessings during those times!!

What about you? What has happened in your life that you can count as a blessing?

Our First Home Study Visit!

2011-08-02T17:27:00.001-05:00

Yay! Our social worker called yesterday to set up our first home visit…tomorrow! It’s so weird being on this side of things. With my job at APAC (Alabama Pre/Post Adoption Connections) I don’t conduct the home study visits but I process all of the paperwork for families in my area going through APAC who are adopting from foster care. I am normally the one preparing them for the home study visits, calming their nerves before the visit, etc. And now I am having a home study myself. So weird.

I am honestly not worried or anxious at all about the visits. Is that weird?

Anyway, the first visit is tomorrow evening…and I am maybe even excited about it. Since when is it exciting to have someone pry into every private part of your life? I guess when there is a child or two on the other side of it! :)

Yipeeee!!

2011-07-27T10:15:00.001-05:00

Our CA/N clearances finally came in! Right at 12 weeks as expected. Now we wait for our home study worker to contact us to set up our first home visit! Yay!!!

New Twitter User!

2011-07-16T23:30:00.001-05:00

I have been asked by several blog readers if I have a Twitter account and until a few hours ago I didn’t really want one. :) BUT I was convinced that I needed to do it, so I caved and I am now a Tweeter! Follow me @Lisa_H_Williams!

Personal Experience and Faith

2011-07-09T21:37:00.001-05:00

I came across something I had written down during my morning quiet time a few months ago that I thought I would share. Here are a few of the thoughts that I have had while reflecting on my relationship with the Lord since our miscarriage.

“Qualities of our Heavenly Father that I TRULY understand and have personally experienced since losing our baby…

The God of Comfort
Strength Giver
Only Source of Pure Joy
Source of our Only Hope
Giver of Immeasurable Unexplainable Peace

My prayer life has a new passion.

I now have a greater sensitivity to those who have lost a child or may be going through various other hardships. I have been given many opportunities to reach out to friends/acquaintances experiencing hardships and the Lord has allowed me to “comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:4

I have a new excitement and yearning to get to Heaven!

I have learned to TRUST Him….REALLY and TRULY trust Him. I know that He is in control…my faith was tested and continues to be tested but I have learned what it truly means to trust and to rest in His promises.”

It is such an amazing blessing that I have truly been able to experience firsthand how amazing our Heavenly Father is. I grew up in church, I became saved as a young child, and KNOW about His qualities, KNOW what the Bible says but until losing our child I hadn’t personally experienced so much of what I have always read about. My faith has now become personal, not just theoretical. So very cool how God can use anything and everything that we experience for our good and for His glory!

I’m Not A Criminal!!

2011-07-06T20:39:00.001-05:00

I FINALLY got my FBI and ABI suitability letter in the mail today!! (This is basically the background clearance from the fingerprinting.) SO happy that it is finally here (only after getting fingerprinted twice and a million and one phone calls). Now all we are waiting on is our CAN (Child Abuse and Neglect) Clearances and we can get started on our Home Study!! One step closer to bringing home our children!

Quote of the Day

2011-07-04T20:40:00.001-05:00

“If we can trust God with our eternity, we can trust Him with our now.”

FAITH

2011-07-02T21:41:00.001-05:00

Faith…such a simple concept yet so challenging to live out! One of my Girlfriends in God devotionals said that, “Faith is willing to take risks, embrace the unseen and step away from the safety of the shore. We fear the outcome or don't understand the step God has asked us to take. We are afraid to fail and are more concerned about our "reputation" as a Christian than we are about being obedient to God. As long as the enemy can keep us preoccupied with a selfish perspective, our faith is impotent.”

It doesn’t take faith to do life our way in our timing. It takes faith to give it all to Him and do what He asks of us, even when it’s scary. It took faith for us to stop infertility treatments when we felt like the Lord wanted us to take a step back. My flesh said that that didn’t make sense. My flesh said, we have all of the fertility drugs that we need waiting in the refrigerator, we want a child NOW so let’s continue treatments so that we can get a child NOW. But that is not what the Lord had in store for us right now. And it took faith to believe Him that He is in control and has a plan for our family.

Infertility treatments had become my safety net and it took faith to take a step away from them. I did fear that if we stopped treatments there was a possibility that we would never have a biological child and I didn’t understand why God was calling us to stop them. But that all was my flesh, the enemy trying to take me on my own path and keep me “preoccupied with a selfish perspective”.

I feel so blessed that God gave me the strength to have the faith to trust Him in this because I am so excited about this new path!!

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

Adoption Application Madness

2011-06-26T22:23:00.001-05:00

Did anyone miss me? Did you even notice I was gone? Probably not because I have been a terrible blogger…but I was gone all last week at Camp APAC which is a camp for 144 adopted children ages 9-18 in Alabama. As soon as I have pictures available I will share more about the week! It’s fun to think that in…about 9 years our kids will be able to go! :)

I just thought I would share exactly what goes into an international adoption application. It may bore you or you may be interested, so either way here goes…

Final Application Documents:

3 Page application
9 Various forms to sign and get notarized
6 References with contact information (they each had to write a letter and get it notarized)
2 page “Statement of Motivation” discussing the process that we have been through to make the decision to adopt
1 page “Our/My Child” describing the child that we wish to adopt
2 Autobiographies (one for Barry and one for me) that both ended up being EIGHT pages long. The agency included a 2 page list of questions that we needed to answer…things such as “How are you like and unlike members of your family?”, “Your best childhood memory.”, “What kinds of things did your parents argue about?”, “How did your parents handle sex education, discipline, money?”, “When did you begin to date?”, “What changes did you and your spouse experience after the honeymoon?”, “What people or events have had the most influence in your life?”, “Describe your employment history, your current job and what you enjoy about your work.” and on and on and on it goes.
Certified copies of birth certificates (not just copies)
Certified copy of our marriage certificate
Financial statement (2 page worksheet detailing EXACTLY where our money goes, monthly expenses, investments, etc…it took Barry and I THREE hours to fill out!!)
Certified copy of our property deed, notarized
Employment verification letters from both of our employers, notarized
Bank letter verifying we have an account, the amount deposited in the past year, the present balance, etc, also notarized
Medical Exam Reports for each of us, notarized
Proof of Health Insurance which included copies of our health insurance cards AND a copy from our health insurance handbook verifying that an adopted child will be eligible for coverage at the time of adoption
Police Clearance form that I had to take to the police department to get them to run a local check on us, notarized
Passport photos (not really sure why we needed these because we already have our passports, but they requested pictures with our application)

We also had to fill out Child Abuse and Neglect clearance forms. These are to verify that you have never had a CA/N report filed on you. The clearances are taking around 12 weeks to come back.

We each also had to get fingerprinted which should be a simple process, but it’s not. You have to register online, print various forms, sign various forms, make a million calls to figure out where you can get fingerprinted the quickest, make an appointment, wait a long time, bring your forms to the County jail, get the dude to sign a bunch of forms that he doesn’t understand why he has to sign, fill out fingerprint cards, get ink fingerprinted, tell the dude that you think they are too light and not clear and will be sent back, get told that no they are fine, mail in said fingerprint cards, wait several weeks, then find out that they were indeed not readable, repeat process this time at a different jail, continue to wait to hear back if the second set are readable, all while knowing that you are not a criminal and that this is holding up the adoption process.

Anywho, that may or may not have been my fingerprinting experience.

In addition to all of those documents that the agency needs to satisfy US requirements, you also have to compile documents that satisfy Russian requirements. These documents are called the Dossier and these are the documents that we had to submit with it…

Dossier documents:

2 Certified copies of our marriage certificate
Financial statement (different than the one we filled out for the application but ALL numbers MUST match up on the forms and the employment verification letter), notarized
2 Copies of each of our passports, notarized
Employment Verification letters in a special format, notarized
Certified copy of deed, notarized
Proof of real estate ownership preferably from County clerk (after several hours calling all around Dothan we had to settle for a letter from our mortgage bank), notarized
Photos of our family and home, specific photos were requested along with forms that had to be, surprise, notarized.

And the last thing we needed right now was to watch 10 hours of online training videos about international adoption. They were actually really interesting…I’ll share more about those later.

So much of this seems simple and straightforward, but it takes FORVER to compile it all! It is difficult in many cases to find the right people that can help you. And then once you request the information that you need it takes forever in some cases to get the correct documents from them. For example it took almost 3 weeks to get Barry’s employment verification letter and it took a month to get Barry in to see his doctor because that was the quickest they could get him in, even with me calling daily to ask if there were any cancellations. OR in the case of the Proof of real estate letter, I literally talked to at least 10-15 people who all kept sending me to different departments and everyone said that they couldn’t help me.

We have spent HOURS on the phone, HOURS driving around town picking up documents and getting things notarized, HOURS completing the documents…MADNESS I tell you! :)

But it is ALL WORTH IT!!

Look How Fun!

2011-06-18T17:28:00.001-05:00

Look what I got in the mail from my friend Kat!!

(Ignore the date stamp that I can’t seem to figure out how to remove from my camera and am too lazy to go to my filing cabinet to pull out the owners manual to resolve.)

Know what this says? It says “Mother” in Russian! How cool is that?!?!

And a sweet children’s book about adoption!

SO fun!! Thanks Kat!

Thankful for Angels

2011-06-16T11:17:00.001-05:00

“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. ‘Because he loves me,’ says the LORD, ‘I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.’” (Psalm 91:11-14, NIV)

My Girlfriends in God devotional has been talking about angels the past couple of days. Angels are real…

Thirty-four of the Bible’s sixty-six books talk about angels in detail.
Every New Testament writer confirms the existence of angels.
The word “angel” or “angels” occurs more than 300 times in Scripture.

And they serve a huge purpose in our lives even today! Angels help us, protect us, deliver us…It got me thinking about my own experiences with angels and I thought I would share one…

A few weeks ago I was coming back from Atlanta from a visit with my friend Courtney and her sweet baby Harper Kate. I was driving on the interstate (70mph) in the far left traffic lane which was ending so I merged to the right. As I merged over I saw that the car behind me was speeding up to pass in front of me. When he passed in front of me the merging dotted line had already ended so he was cutting it really close. Low and behold a truck TOWING a BOAT decided to try and pass in front of me too. (I have NO clue why he is doing this…did he not see me?? I drive an SUV so I am not small…but there is no way that he saw me and did was he was about to do. Did he not see that his lane was ending?? Ok…had ALREADY ended??)

I see it happening but it all happens so fast that I am not thinking logically. Logic would tell you that in a moment like that you would react by swerving out of the way but I didn’t. I did move over so that I am straddling the line between the 2 remaining lanes of traffic. I see cars passing on the right side of me (which I would have hit if I had swerved into the other lane) as the truck and boat on my left is also passing. In slow motion I see these vehicles on both sides of me passing and watch the truck/boat SOMEHOW not hit my vehicle. I was completely sandwiched between two vehicles and have NO IDEA how I was not hit. No idea besides there were angels surrounding my car. There is no way on this earth that I was not completely smashed between those two vehicles. Absolutely no way.

All I could do as soon as the situation was over is thank the Lord that he saved me from something that more that likely would have ended my life. Wow. It gives me chills just writing about it now. Thank you Lord!

The devotional challenges each of us to examine our lives for the presence of angels. The writer says, “As I look back over the past week, I wonder if I missed the presence and work of angels. Maybe when, at the last minute, the car swerved to avoid hitting me … or I came across the precious wedding ring I lost weeks ago … or an unexpected phone call of encouragement from a friend I haven’t heard from in years. Some people might say it was just a coincidence or an accident. I don’t think so.”

What about you? What kind of angel encounter's have you had? Please share!

Russian Orphan Statistics

2011-06-15T16:00:00.001-05:00

I found these statistics the other day that will just absolutely break your heart. These kind of statistics can be found worldwide, it’s not just a Russia problem…

At around age 16 or 17, orphans are forced to leave the orphanage system and enter the world with limited education and minimal support. Within the first five years, almost 90% of these orphans end up in crime, prostitution, drug and alcohol addiction, or commit suicide.
In Ukraine and Russia 10% -15% of children who age out of an orphanage commit suicide before age 18, 60% of the girls are lured into prostitution, 70% of the boys become hardened criminals.
Another Russian study reported that of the 15,000 orphans aging out of state-run institutions every year, 10% committed suicide, 5,000 were unemployed, 6,000 were homeless and 3,000 were in prison within three years.

As one of my friends commented the other day, hearing these startling statistics should not only make us sad, but as Christians, it should lead us to act! There are so many ways to care for the orphans, as well as ALL of those who are hurting or in need. God might lead you to adopt a child yourself, you can support adoptive families, you can sponsor a child through an organization like Holt International, He might call you to go on a missions trip to serve at an orphanage, you can DEFINITELY pray for orphans and for adoptive families…I don’t know what He wants YOU to do, but you better believe He wants us doing something! WE are His hands and feet! “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’”Matthew 25:40

I strongly encourage every single one of you to read the book, “Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches” by Russell Moore. Be forewarned…your life will never be the same.

Help Us Bring Our Child Home!

2011-06-10T15:37:00.003-05:00

Shirt orders are on hold for the time being while Show Hope revamps their program. Check back later if you are interested in purchasing a shirt! Thanks!!

Have you ever heard of Show Hope? Show Hope is an organization started by Steven Curtis Chapman and his family to care for orphans. They are involved in a variety of different missions to provide hope for orphans such as providing grants to families who are adopting, helping adoptive families fundraise, providing homes for special needs orphans via an orphanage called “Maria’s Big House of Hope”, etc. Here is a news clip about Show Hope.

Barry and I are selling Show Hope shirts to help offset some of our adoption costs. We know that this adoption journey will be filled with both joys and hardships, and one of the first barriers is the cost to adopt. Instead of this seeming like a barrier though, we want to look at it as an opportunity for God to show His faithfulness and for others to join us in the miracle of adoption!

We are asking for YOUR help! We would love for you to help us show hope by purchasing a shirt…or two…or twenty. :) All of the money raised (minus the cost of the shirts) will help us bring our precious child home. Here are pictures of the shirts that we have for sale!

“Tree Tee” Black

Raise Awareness for orphans in comfort and in style! Shirt says “Show Hope: A Movement to Care for Orphans”

Available in (S, M, L, XL, 2x) Unisex

“Tree Tee” White

This long sleeve women’s shirt is great for every season!Shirt says “Show Hope: A Movement to Care for Orphans”

Available in (S, M, L, XL, 2x) Women

“I Heart SH” Violet

This beautiful shirt comes in women, baby and toddler sizes!

Available in Women (S, M, L, XL) and Child (6 months, 12 months, 18 months, 2T, 3T, 4T)

(Shirt fits snug...order 1-2 sizes bigger than you normally wear)

“I Dig SH” Army Green

This fun shirt comes in women and youth sizes!

Available in Women (S, M, L, XL, 2X) and Youth (YXS, YS, YM, YL, YXL)

“I Show Hope” Red “I Show Hope” Chocolate“I Show Hope” Heather Blue“I Show Hope” SmokeThis is the back of the “I Show Hope” Shirts. It reads: “Show Hope [sho’h] [hoh’p] v.1. Evidence your faith by loving orphans. 2. Respond to James 1:27. 3. Join the movement to care for orphans.”

“I Show Hope” Shirts Available in (S, M, L, XL, 2X, 3X) Unisex

I love these shirts not just because they are helping us fundraise, but I think it’s so neat that friends and family get to share in the miracle of adoption with us in this way. AND when you wear your Show Hope t-shirt you can help raise an awareness of the number of orphans and the need for more adoptive families!

If you would like to help support us through the purchase of a Show Hope t-shirt you can do so via PayPal or by sending a check! I added a PayPal button to the side of my blog that makes it easy for you to contribute! Here is a link to an order form if you would rather write a check and mail it to us. If you have any questions let me know!

Also…if you buy a shirt I would LOVE for you to take a picture of yourself wearing the shirt and send it to me for our baby book!

We are so blessed to have each of you in our lives!

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27

Mini Freak Out

2011-06-06T14:22:00.001-05:00

THIS is our initial adoption application! (Edited so our identity can’t get stolen…ha!)

THIS is our final application and dossier ready to be taken to the UPS store to make copies and mail off to the agency!

And THIS is what caused my mini freak out.

Our beautiful adoption application and dossier that HOURS upon HOURS of blood (literally), sweat (literally) and tears (literally) brought about. It was a very very hard thing for me to hand this packet (82 pages + pictures by the way) over to the UPS lady. I seriously debated driving it to Fairhope, AL and placing it into my agency’s hands but then I convinced myself that that would be crazy because it is a 3 1/2 hour drive and I’m not crazy…right? So, I mailed it…overnight…tracking…all that good stuff.

And then…it got lost. LOST! According to UPS it was delivered at 10:42am this past Thursday but when I called the agency this morning the lady I talked to said that they never received it. Cue the panic. I called the main UPS number, I called the UPS store it was shipped to and no one could find it but they said they would look into it and get back to me. My heart is racing about a million times faster than it should be and I can’t get any work done. For anyone who has ever completed international adoption paperwork you will understand.

So as I am freaking out I finally decide that I have to get down on my knees and pray that this packet will be found. I literally barely get down on my knees when my phone rings. UPS lady….packet found!!! Wow! Isn’t God cool!?!

Our Agency

2011-06-01T14:37:00.001-05:00

Once we made the decision to pursue adoption, came the choice of how to do it. :) (Actually, I started working on that part as soon as Barry told me He was beginning to feel the Lord change his heart back in March…so as soon as the Lord made it evident that this was His will I was ready to go!) I began researching various agencies both in Alabama and bigger agencies such as Holt International, Gladney, Bethany, etc. I looked at what countries they worked with, agency requirements, ages of children that were available, time frames, cost, etc. I called and emailed many of the agencies and asked a ton of questions (sometimes I think I know too much since I work in the adoption field and know more than the average person…it’s a blessing and a curse.) I also talked to several of the families that I work with that have adopted internationally and asked them about their agencies.

A couple of the agencies were crossed off the list early on due to not working in our area or not allowing pregnancies at any point in the process. One of the agencies will put everything on hold, even once you have a referral for a child, if at any point you become pregnant. Well, I am not OK with that. I do not feel like the Lord has closed that door, and I don’t see us not trying to get pregnant at any point in the near future. We are on a fertility treatment hold, but are not using protection by any means. We were very uncomfortable with those type of restrictions so nixed those agencies.

When I called Children of the World, located in Fairhope, Alabama, I just knew they were our agency. Two of the families that I work with used this agency and loved them. They talk about how they are a very hand holding agency and had nothing negative to say about them. I felt the same way when I talked to them. I hung up the phone after that initial call and just knew they were our agency. My only initial hesitation was that they are only actively working with Russia and I hated to limit ourselves to only one country. However, the country thing had been STRESSING my out because I had no idea how to make such a decision!! Sooo…the Lord just made that decision easy on us and we didn’t have to worry about that choice!

Barry told me on a Saturday morning that He felt like we needed to do this and I had our initial application submitted Monday morning. :)

More On Our Decision To ADOPT!

2011-05-22T14:35:00.001-05:00

So here is a little more on how we came to this huge new exciting decision! This is an excerpt from our “Statement of Motivation” for our adoption agency…More on that to come too! :)

“I have always been interested in adoption and have always wondered if the Lord was calling us to adopt. Several years ago Barry and I first began to discuss the issue of adoption and we decided to pray about pursuing adoption in the future. I told him at that time that as soon as he was ready – I was on board, but he has always been a little bit more hesitant. He had never really given adoption much serious thought, and he felt like he might be open to it in the future but preferred to have a biological child first.

We started trying to conceive in May of 2008 and went through three years of infertility, including infertility treatments and two miscarriages and only occasionally discussed the possibility of adoption. Neither one of us ever wanted adoption to be Plan B and didn’t ever want a child to feel like we adopted them just because we couldn’t have a biological child. If we ever adopted we wanted it to be for the right reasons, because we felt like the Lord was calling us to do so, not just because we couldn’t have a biological child.

In 2009, I read a book called “Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families” by Russell Moore. It reinforced to me the importance of having Christian families adopting the 147+ million orphans in the world and I felt an even stronger desire to adopt one day. I sent Barry an article about the book and continued to pray that the Lord would open his heart to the idea. I still had some concerns about adopting internationally, such as the cost, not being able to bring home a newborn, and problems with brain development due to life in an orphanage, but knew if Barry ever felt like the Lord was leading us in that direction, then we would do so.

In February of this year we decided to take a break from infertility treatments and really focus our prayers on the next step that the Lord wanted us to take. We have always prayed before each new test or infertility treatment, but this time we felt strongly that we needed to take a break for a little while. It was during this break that on a drive to Montgomery I felt the Lord lay heavily on my heart the idea of adopting internationally. All of the previous concerns I had about adopting just melted away. I could actually SEE us adopting for the first time! I called one of my best friends and told her what the Lord was telling me that day and asked her to specifically pray that the Lord would change Barry’s heart if this was His will. The very next day I was speaking at an Orphan Advocacy Group for work and asked Barry to come with me. At the meeting, the leader was discussing why the Lord had a heart for orphans and made a statement that I would later find out really impacted Barry. He said, “God does not only have a heart for the fatherless because He wants them to have an earthly mother and father. He has a heart for the fatherless because without Christian families adopting these children, they may never come to know their Heavenly Father!”

After we left the meeting we got in the car and I simply asked Barry, “So...what are you thinking?” I had not mentioned to him about my experience in the car the previous day because I wanted it to be the Lord changing Barry’s heart not Lisa changing Barry’s heart. He told me that he had been thinking about adoption a lot more recently and had been praying about it a lot. He said that the Lord was beginning to change his heart and he was beginning to feel more and more comfortable with the idea!! At that point I shared what I felt in the car the previous day and we decided that I could begin looking into adoption agencies. Barry began reading the “Adopted for Life” book and throughout the next two months we prayed about it constantly.

The book was able to answer many of the questions and concerns that Barry had and every time we discussed adoption he said he was feeling more and more led in that direction. When he finished reading the book he told me that it was time! He knew that the Lord was leading us on the path of adoption and he was ready! It was so neat seeing the Lord change both of our hearts and to bring us such an amazing peace about this upcoming journey. God is good!”

Finally…Barry’s Cardboard Testimony and an Announcement (and no, I am not pregnant)

2011-05-17T18:26:00.001-05:00

I am finally getting around to posting the rest of our cardboard testimony (we are doing it next Sunday!) Here is Barry’s testimony…

“When we lost our baby to a miscarriage in August, 2010, we had already been trying to have a baby for 2 ½ years. Emotionally, it was the lowest point that I’ve been in my life, after coming off such a high from the pregnancy that we enjoyed for 14 weeks. I was at bottom, but during that time, I felt closer to God that I think I ever have before. Not only did He pick me up and bring me peace, comfort, and hope in the midst of our pain, but during that time it caused me to reexamine other areas of my life and refocus on what God would have me to work on, such as my own selfishness and pride. I still feel closer to God now than before the miscarriage and God is working in a lot of different areas of my life. As I have prayed for his will for our lives, and our future children’s lives, he has begun to open my heart to the idea of adoption, which I never before thought I would be open to. He is done this through His word and through some new good friends that we have made who have a passion for what God says about adoption and how we ourselves are adopted into God’s family. I am excited about the coming months/years to see what God will do in mine and Lisa’s life together, and I will continue to trust in His plan, because I know He loves me and only He knows what is best for me.”

Which leads me to our announcement…

WE ARE ADOPTING FROM RUSSIA!!

I cannot explain to you how excited we are and how 100% certain we are that God is leading us down this path. It is so neat to see how He has changed our hearts and opened our minds to adopting and we are SO EXCITED about the future!! More details including how we came to this decision to come…but for now I will leave you with this little teaser. :)

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” -James 1:27 NIV

"The Final Summit" by Andy Andrews

2011-05-08T16:46:00.002-05:00

OK, so this has nothing to do with infertility...

What it does have to do with is free books!!! How?? Book Sneeze! :) What is Book Sneeze you may ask? A very cool way to get free books, and I am all about free! Anyone who has a blog is able to sign up on Book Sneeze, request free books and then all you have to do is write a 200 word review and post it on your blog and one other consumer review site! How easy is that?? So the first book that I reviewed was called "The Final Summit" by Andy Andrews (who I would like to mention that my mom babysat for many years ago!) Here's the review!

"The Final Summit" is the third book following David Ponder who was previously seen in "The Noticer" and "The Traveler’s Gift". He and many other historical figures are on a quest to save mankind from themselves. They are faced with the task to answer the question, "What does humanity need to do, individually and collectively, to restore itself to the pathway toward successful civilization?"

I enjoyed reading the first two books, although at times they even seemed to get a little too heavy in the history lesson, but this book I feel was a little too much of David Ponder and his travels. It has been a while since I have read the first two books and the author does not do a great job of recapping what has gone on in the previous books and I was left feeling confused for the first few chapters. I enjoyed the concept of the first two books but felt like the author took the concept a little too far with "The Final Summit". There were a few mentions of Biblical matters but no scripture was quoted, no actual Biblical advice was given and their final conclusion was very anti-climactic and I believe did not get to the true point of what society really needs...Jesus.

As for the good things in the book though, the author uses great detail and you feel as if you are actually there. There were also many insightful statements made throughout the book regarding how we should live our lives and I did enjoy reading those parts.

Overall I would recommend this book if you have recently read the first two and enjoy getting a dose of history in your reading.

The publisher has provided me with a complimentary copy of this book through BookSneeze.

A Special "Happy Mother's Day"

2011-05-07T13:53:00.001-05:00

Well...tomorrow is the day all of us have been waiting for, right? Ha! Mother's Day is possibly the hardest day of the year for many women (and men) who struggle with infertility and baby loss. I say Mother's Day but honestly it's the whole season surrounding it. From commercials to TV shows to radio shows to products in stores...it's all about mothers. Great in theory, but for those who so desperately are trying to become mothers and those that have lost babies...it's a VERY HARD few weeks!! There are also many people who have lost their mothers or who have bad relationships with their mothers or who have never met their mothers, and guess what? Hard day for them too. I honestly don't think I will ever be able to really enjoy Mother's Day or Father's Day because I know the heartache associated with such times. Even last year when we were pregnant on Father's Day my heart ached for all the men sitting in church who desire to become fathers. I have talked to many women who struggle with Mother's Day for a variety of reasons and I just want to remind each of you that it can be a really tough day for so many.

To be honest, I am not dreading this Mother's Day like I have for the past several years. I have written about the "peace that surpasses understanding" in previous posts and I just can't explain it but I have it. :) God has brought me to a really good place right now, and while I have a twinge of sadness that not only do I again not have a baby in my arms this Mother's Day...I now have two babies in Heaven this year...I am OK. I do not completely plan on going into hiding tomorrow. :)

I think the hardest thing for me this year is that...I AM a mother and yet not one that the world recognizes. What defines a mother? I don't think it's giving birth to a child. I don't even think it's having a child in your arms. I think sacrifice, love, patience, among other qualities makes a mother...check, check, check. A woman who is struggling to have a child or who has lost a child doesn't appear to the outside world to be a mother but I would beg to differ. A woman who doesn't struggle to get pregnant has a long 9 months full of sacrifice, preparation, pain, anxiety, etc. that begins her motherhood journey. But women who struggle year after year to get pregnant and often go through many painful procedures and tests to even begin her motherhood journey...YEARS of sacrifice, preparation, pain, anxiety...I am not trying to say that women who struggle with infertility are better in any way although reading through what I just typed comes off that way...my point is just that I believe we ARE all mothers. The world just doesn't see it that way.

Especially this year after losing two babies...I am a mother. But I won't be celebrating it tomorrow like mother's who have babies here on earth. People won't be wishing me a Happy Mother's Day (and even if they did I might tear up...so even though I want people to wish me a happy mother's day maybe I don't at the same time...hmm...double edge sword...), I won't be getting cards and flowers and gifts from my child. However, I know that I am a mother and that I will get to meet my babies one day. I know that God has a plan for every woman who is struggling with infertility and baby loss out there and that one day we WILL be able to celebrate (as much as possible) with the rest of the mother's out there.

So, I want to take this opportunity to wish each and every one of you out there a Happy Mother's Day. Whether you are waiting to conceive, waiting to bring your child home through the miracle of adoption, whether your children are in Heaven, or if you DO have your child in your arms...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! Each of you are in my prayers this weekend, as well as every other day.

And a poem…

“Happy Mother's Day”
it comes around every year;
but when you have empty arms,
it's very hard to hear.

It's a day to celebrate a mother,
for all the trials she overcame;
and a reminder to an infertile
of her loneliness and shame.

But what really makes a mother,
Is it just conception and birth?
Or is there something more,
that shows a mother's worth?

It's putting your child first,
in everything you do;
it's sacrifice and determination,
and love and patience too.

An infertile woman makes all her plans,
around a child not yet conceived;
she loves them even though they aren't here,
more than she ever could have believed.

She appreciates and understands,
what a blessing that children are;
she works hard for just a chance,
that motherhood is not that far.

All odds are stacked against her,
and yet she still has hope;
everyday is another struggle,
finding ways to help her cope.

So even though her arms are empty,
she can still be a mother too;
So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”
for those waiting for their dreams to come true!
-RS

“Blessings” by Laura Story

2011-05-01T20:27:00.001-05:00

This is a great song with amazing lyrics that my mom introduced me to…

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Check it out here!

"Children of God" by Third Day

2011-04-24T19:31:00.002-05:00

This is my new favorite song. Awesome group. Awesome message. Watch the video and get chills! :)

I’m so glad that Jesus gave His life for us and rose from the grave so that we can be called children of God!!!

In a Little While

2011-04-20T15:20:00.001-05:00

One of my friends, Becky, that I have met through this blog has recently started her own blog, and while she has only posted twice - this post is great! Head over to her blog and read “In a Little While” as she talks about how we need to view the waiting times in our lives through God’s perspective. Below is an excerpt from her post…

“When we wait God style, hoping in the Lord, resting in his powerful arms, our wait is not cumbersome.

Rather it is a time that provides reflection and relaxation as we rest in the plans of the Creator who is fully in control of any situation we may encounter.”

See? Good stuff, huh? Check it out!

Cardboard Testimony

2011-04-13T10:49:00.002-05:00

Unless you have lived under a rock…which maybe you have :)…you have probably heard of cardboard testimonies. Check it out here if you haven’t seen one, and get your tissue ready! It is basically a way to share your testimony on a piece of cardboard in 2 brief statements. Our church is going to have a cardboard testimonies service in May and Barry and I were asked to submit our written testimony of the struggles we have been through the past few years and how the Lord has been faithful. Here is what I submitted…I will share Barry’s later…

“Where to start? We have been through so much since May 2008 but the Lord’s love and faithfulness for us has shown brightly through it all. We have been trying to become parents for three years now. We have been through countless tests, surgeries and procedures. We have lost two babies that are now in Heaven with Jesus. We have grieved like I never knew possible. We have been on an emotional and physical roller coaster. We have no idea what our future holds and it’s scary.

But here’s what we DO know. God is in total control. He has not forgotten us. He understands our pain. Everything that touches us has passed through the Lord’s hands first. And while we might not understand why we are experiencing these trials…HE DOES!

For the first time in our lives we have FELT His strength and comfort. We have experienced it firsthand and it’s a feeling like no other. There have been many days that we have felt like we just can’t go on and in those moments all we can do is cry out, “Lord, help!” And He does! He gives us the strength to get through that day. He gives us JOY in midst of sorrow and uncertainty. “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly” John 10:10. Life’s circumstances might not be going the way WE would want them to but we can still have JOY through it all.

We can SEE Him using our experiences, trials and hardships to bring glory to His name. We have been able to share the comfort we have received with so many others who are hurting. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I have a blog (http://www.whilewaitingiwillworship.blogspot.com/) to share our struggles and how the Lord is bringing indescribably peace through it all. The blog started off as a place to “vent” and has now become a ministry that I am absolutely humbled to be a part of. This blog has been viewed 28,409 times by people in 10 countries! How cool is that?? God is using some hard hard circumstances in our lives to bring glory to His name. I am in awe when I think that He is actually using little ol’ me!!

Steven Curtis Chapman’s wife, Mary Beth, once said that they have been given a “treasure” in the loss of Marie Sue. A “treasure” that none of them would have ever wanted but because of the circumstances in their lives they now have an amazing platform on which to witness to others. That is how we feel. We have been given this “treasure”…a gift that we never would have requested but look what the Lord is doing with it! While we wait to become parents here on earth we will continue to praise Him and follow His leading to use this “treasure” to draw others closer to Him as we share how the Lord, and only the Lord, continues to bring us through the darkest time of our lives.

My relationship with the Lord has never been closer. I feel on fire for Him and want my life to bring Him glory in whatever way He allows. We do not know where this journey will take us but we can be sure that HE knows and we are excited to see what He has in store!”

Man...I have no idea how we will put all of that onto a piece of cardboard!!

Tough Choices

2011-03-28T14:46:00.001-05:00

So often in life we have to make difficult decisions. For example, in an infertile’s world… “When do I contact a reproductive endocrinologist?”, “What treatments am I willing to pursue and for how long?”, “What drugs am I willing to take?”, “Do I pursue treatments this month or do I take time off”, “How many IUI’s are realistic?”, “When do we move on to IVF?”, “DO we move on to IVF?”, “When is enough enough and we move on to other options?”, …to the more mundane decisions like, “How long do I wait for my Dr. to call me back before I call THEM back?” or “How am I going to juggle my schedule to accommodate all of the doctor appointments, monitoring appointments and procedures?”

OK, I could go on for pages and pages about the decisions that we have to make, but we all have to make difficult decisions in life, infertile or not. And a lot of times there isn’t a right or wrong choice. There are many good choices, but not a clear path to take. Sometimes there even is a logical path to take but…The question we must answer is, “What is the Lord’s will…what decision does the Lord want me to make?” We need to be asking the Lord to guide us even in the mundane decisions. We must pray for wisdom in making these choices so that we know we are walking along the path the Lord has for us. Sometimes the path He leads us on might not make sense to others. It might not even make sense in the eyes of the medical community. But as long as we are earnestly seeking the Lord’s will and obeying, we can be confident that we are right where we need to be. See the below excerpt from none other than Girlfriends in God. :)

VERSE:
“This is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.”
-- Philippians 1:9-10

THOUGHT:
I don't know about you, but my most difficult decisions are not about choosing between good and bad. I usually know what is good and what is bad, especially when bad involves evil. My toughest choices are when I have to choose between good, better, and best. My love for God usually overcomes my weakness and I choose good over bad. But unless I've placed myself before God's word and surrendered my heart to him in prayer, I have a very tough time choosing between good and best. Yet I'm convinced that much of what God would love to do through us today goes lacking because we've settled for good when he longs to lead us to best!

PRAYER:
Gracious and Almighty God, teach me your ways and give me your heart as I strive to not only love you, but to know your will and have insight into your ways. Help me to know the best things to do today and through the rest of my life. Give me wisdom to use my time in the best way possible to live out your will in my work, with my family, among my friends, and especially before those who do not know Christ as their Savior. In the name of Jesus Christ, my Savior and Lord I pray. Amen.

And a couple more verses on the topic…

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Abundant Life!

2011-03-10T10:28:00.001-06:00

“I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly” John 10:10.

“Jesus lived and died so that we can experience abundant life. Jesus did not come so that we can merely survive life. Pagans can survive life. God’s plan is for us to experience joy and peace – no matter what life holds” (Girlfriends in God).

Isn’t that great? Jesus came to this earth, suffered beyond our comprehension, died for us and rose again so that WE can have a relationship with Him and live life abundantly! Live life full of joy! We do not deserve our salvation, an abundant life nor joy…but through God’s grace we are given those things if we just accept His gift! And how much better is living life joyfully and abundantly than merely surviving?!?

Joy does not equal happiness. There are a lot of things that we will go through in life that do not produce happiness…but joy? Joy is available to us through every storm in life…through Jesus! Praise the Lord for joy!! :)

What does that mean to live life more abundantly and full of joy? To me, it means believing that everything that I face in life has passed through God’s hands BEFORE it reaches me. Even when I don’t understand it, HE does and has allowed the trials I face. Therefore, if He has allowed the trials to happen then He has a plan through them. And if He has a plan, then what good is worrying and stressing going to do for me? Nada. It also means not letting the devil steal my joy. Yes, I have sad days, I have angry days, but JOY is deeper. It isn’t conditional or situational. Joy cannot be taken away from you because true joy comes from the Lord. Joy is a deep seeded contentment and appreciation that we have a true reason to hope. It is praising the Lord in the storms of life because He will never leave you, it is thanking the Lord for our salvation when it feels like everything else is falling apart around us, it is trusting that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28, it is accepting and living in the peace God has given you, it is recognizing all of the many many blessings in your life and realizing they all come from Him...

“The joy of the Lord is your strength” Nehemiah 8:10.

Here’s to living an abundant life full of joy! :)

“He Will Carry Me” by Mark Schultz

2011-03-03T21:59:00.001-06:00

I have many songs in my blog drafts that have been building up for months and I have not been very good about posting them! So here is one of the many that are waiting to be posted. :) Man how I love this chorus! How many of us feel like we have been wounded in the battle of life? I do…but He is ALL the strength that I will ever need. He is all the strength that YOU will ever need. He will carry us when we feel like we can’t do life for another second. Love.it.

“He Will Carry Me”

I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more then I can bear
I feel so empty

You're strong, I'm weary
I'm holding on
But I feel like giving in
But still You're with me

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me

I know I'm broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I have never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said You'd see me through the storm

You can listen to the song here.

It’s been forever

2011-02-26T16:34:00.001-06:00

I’ve been a terrible blogger…I’ve been really busy and…well, I just haven’t felt like blogging. :) I don’t even know what to blog about since it has been so long. Where do I start?

The past few weeks have been rough and yet God has given me a strength to get through it all that I can’t even explain. Last Saturday was our due date and I had dreaded that day since the miscarriage. I just knew it was going to be the hardest day. But God is good, He really really is! We ended up going to the beach for the weekend just to get away and it ended up being a good weekend. A good weekend when I thought it would be the worst! God gave us great distractions through beautiful weather, a great resort, a gumbo festival, peaceful alone time…it just really was a good weekend. We even got our picture taken at the Gumbo Festival by a local paper…we’re famous! :)

Picture courtesy of The Destin Log

The things that could have put a damper on the weekend? We got another negative pregnancy test (2nd IUI since the miscarriage), I started my period and a gigantic pregnant lady decided to sit right in front of us at the beach. Two of my good friends (plus several other acquaintances) gave birth this month when I should have been right there with them. AND I had to teach a 3 hour class on Grief and Loss in the midst of it all. As hard as all of this should have been, I felt at such peace that I still enjoyed our beach weekend.

I just can’t really explain how hard all of this is and how easy God is making it at the same time. Trust me -there are still tears, there are still hard days, but He is so good in getting me through it all. The future is so unclear and it’s scary when I let myself dwell on it but God doesn’t want us worrying about the future so in those moments I again turn my thoughts back over to Him. I know that whatever comes at us He will get us through it…I have always KNOWN that but now I FEEL it. Now I know it through experience, through living it…

I wish I could find the words to express the way that the Lord is helping us through this time in our lives, but I just don’t think there even are words to express it all. No words to express my gratitude to Him for holding me up and no words to express the strength and comfort and peace He has given. Those just sound like churchy words that people throw out but I’m not just throwing them out…I TRULY FEEL them. Just trust me when I say if you don’t have a personal relationship with the Lord, you need one! You need to experience this kind of peace! :) If you don’t know the Lord, please talk to me about how you can have the kind of peace that He has given me. Seriously, there is nothing like it.

I also want to take a brief second to say that I have awesome friends. There were several of you that remembered our due date and I got many encouraging phone calls, texts and emails. God has blessed me with each of you and I am so glad to have you all in my life!

Waiting Patiently

2011-02-07T14:18:00.001-06:00

Psalm 40 has popped up several times in the past few weeks in various devotionals and I love reading through it. I can really relate with many of the things that David says in this passage. Here is Psalm 40 (emphasis mine)…

¹ I waited patiently for the LORD;
   he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
   out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
   and gave me a firm place to stand.
³ He put a new song in my mouth,
   a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the LORD
   and put their trust in him.

⁴ Blessed is the one
   who trusts in the LORD,
who does not look to the proud,
   to those who turn aside to false gods.
⁵ Many, LORD my God,
   are the wonders you have done,
   the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
   were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
   they would be too many to declare.

⁶ Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
   but my ears you have opened—
   burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
⁷ Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
   it is written about me in the scroll.
⁸ I desire to do your will, my God;
   your law is within my heart.”

⁹ I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly;
   I do not seal my lips, LORD,
   as you know.
¹⁰ I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
   I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help.
I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness
   from the great assembly.

¹¹ Do not withhold your mercy from me, LORD;
   may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
¹² For troubles without number surround me;
   my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
   and my heart fails within me.
¹³ Be pleased to save me, LORD;
   come quickly, LORD, to help me.

¹⁴ May all who want to take my life
   be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
   be turned back in disgrace.
¹⁵ May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!”
   be appalled at their own shame.
¹⁶ But may all who seek you
   rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who long for your saving help always say,
   “The LORD is great!”

¹⁷ But as for me, I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
you are my God, do not delay.

Below is an excerpt from, of course, Girlfriends in God on Psalm 40. I didn’t include the whole devotional, just bits and pieces of it…also, my thoughts are in italics…

February 4, 2011
Coming Out of the Dark
Mary Southerland

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God." Psalm 40:1-3

1. Wait. The psalmist simply says, "I waited." Waiting is not passive. Waiting is meant to be a time of preparation, a time of rest and healing. To wait means to accept the pit. (I LOVE the statement that “waiting is not passive”. God doesn’t ask us to sit around and twiddle our thumbs while we wait for a baby, while we wait for a new job, while we wait for more money…waiting is ACTIVE. It is a time of preparation, rest and healing…what does God want YOU to do while you wait???)

Isaiah 45:3 (NIV) "I will give you hidden treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Any time "LORD" is capitalized in Scripture, it means "Abba Father." This verse indicates that our Father has gone before us and in every dark moment or painful circumstance has buried a treasure or stored a secret. The only way we can find the treasure or learn the secret is to pass through that darkness. Some things cannot be learned in the light. To wait means to accept the pit, knowing it is for our good. (Isn’t that a pretty awesome thought too? We aren’t going through the darkness in vain…God IS teaching us something if we only listen.)

2. Be patient. David said, "I waited patiently for the Lord." The word "patiently" means "without tiring and with perseverance." (Man, waiting patiently is HARD stuff! Without tiring? Can’t do that without God!!)

Depression may not be the problem you are facing, but at some point in life, we will all face some kind of pit. It may be a pit that we have dug with our own hands of wrong choices or it could be a pit that has been uniquely designed for us by the enemy. But a pit is a pit - a place of paralyzing fear and numbing doubt that is constantly fed by our human frailty and desperate attempts to escape the darkness. (How many times have YOU had paralyzing fear and numbing doubt?? Um how about on a daily basis?? :) But God is there to rescue us!!)

The good news is that God is drawn to broken people. Psalm 40:1 says "He turned to me." Notice it does not say that David turned to God. Honestly, I doubt David had the strength to turn to God ... so God turned to him. (I LOVE this too…I can’t count the number of times that I didn’t have the strength to go on. In those moments all I can say is “God HELP me”, and He turns to me and helps!) God heard the cry of David and he will hear yours. I don't know if you are in a pit and need help or if someone you love is in that pit and needs your help, but one thing I do know is that the purpose of the pit is to purify and then restore. Right now, surrender the broken pieces of your life to God. He can and will bring you out of the dark.

Let's Pray
Father, I am so tired. I can't hear Your voice or sense Your presence in my life. My faith is weak and I need Your strength to go on. Right now, I am laying the broken pieces of my life at Your feet and counting on You to come through for me.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Now It's Your Turn
Read Psalm 40:1-3. "I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God."

Circle all of the "action" words in these verses. What does God ask you to do? What does God say that He will do? Do you believe Him? Are you willing to let Him be God in your life?

Fear, Trust and Courage

2011-02-01T16:13:00.001-06:00

I wanted to share a few quotes from Becky’s blog from a long time ago…Well the Bible verses are actually originally quotes from the Bible… :) :)

"Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, ‘Don’t be afraid; just believe.’ ” Mark 5:36
"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." Psalm 56:3
In the Bible, the antidote to fear is trust; it is believing.
Courage isn't the absence of fear, but the judgment that there is something more important at stake.
We don't just trust God to let us avoid what we fear most. We determine to trust Him no matter what, even if our worst nightmare befalls us. "If ____, then God will take care of me." "If ____, then God has a plan." "If ____, then God desires to accomplish something monumental in me." "If ___, then God will demonstrate His sufficiency to me."

Thanks for sharing Becky!

Worry and not being consumed

2011-01-26T11:43:00.001-06:00

OK, you have to forgive me…I forgot where this little devotional came from. Normally when I post a devotional to my drafts I include the link to where I got it from, but this one doesn’t say anything…

“Isaiah 43:2 (NLT) "When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you."

When we focus only on what we can see and understand or explain, we will worry. Fear and doubt will become familiar companions if we live each day against the backdrop of this broken world. Our only hope is God. And it is not enough to just know about Him. We must know Him. A personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ assures us that no matter what the world throws our way, it's all going to be okay.

Father, I am tempted to worry about so many things. Our world is a mess! Forgive me for focusing on anything or anyone but You. Thank You for the Bible that equips and empowers me to live each day. Right now, I declare that You are my only Hope. Please help me to remember that You really are in control.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.”

Blah

2011-01-19T12:30:00.001-06:00

I feel very blah today. January 19th...exactly 4 weeks from my unfulfilled due date. 4 weeks from today we should have been meeting our baby girl. Instead, the reality of what we've lost keeps hitting me like a ton of bricks. We WILL meet our baby girl one day...it just more than likely won't be in 4 weeks.

BUT amidst the sadness I KNOW God is in control and has plans for us. His thoughts and plans are bigger and greater than my own. Praise God for that!!

Refiner and Purifier

2011-01-12T16:38:00.001-06:00

This was taken from an email forwarded to me by my friend Jill…I have read it before and you might have as well but it is a good reminder as to why we sometimes must go through trials…why we must go through the fires of life.

“Malachi 3:3 says: 'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.'
She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'

He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it.'

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.”

I don’t know about you but my prayer daily is that I will become more like Him, that I will be His hands and His feet…well if that takes walking through the fire then I am willing to do it to bring Him glory!

Perseverance

2011-01-04T15:09:00.001-06:00

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12 (NIV)

This is one of those verses that I have grown up knowing. It is underlined in my Bible and I have probably read it a million times since walking this infertility/loss journey. But until recently the word “persevere” has not really stood out to me. It’s amazing how God can use familiar verses to speak to you in different ways at different times. That is how I feel about this one.

I looked up the word “persevere” and this is how dictionary.com defines it: Persevere (verb) - “to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; continue steadfastly.” Did you catch that? To maintain a purpose…We’re not created to just merely survive life…we are created to glorify Him, to serve a purpose FOR HIM. A purpose HE has designed for us to live out. And as hard as it is, sometimes that purpose involves trials. We were not created to passively get through life…persevere is a VERB. Verbs require action!

I found this quote in Mary Beth Chapman’s book, Choosing to SEE (GREAT book by the way…more on that later). “Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory.” William Barclay

So often we are focused on just surviving…and sometimes that is simply all we CAN do. But He wants more for us! He doesn’t want us to just survive and bear the trials of life. He has a reason for allowing them to come into our lives and He has a purpose that He wants to reveal through us through those trials. He wants us to take action! To fight the good fight! “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14

When we are overwhelmed with life’s trials we need to remember that He does have a purpose through it all. We might not know what that purpose is but if we stay connected to Him, searching earnestly for what HE wants for us through that trial, doing what He has told us to do through scripture, continually glorifying Him…we are right where He wants us to be!! Fulfilling the purpose He has set out for us.

I don’t want to merely survive…I want to thrive! I want Him to USE me to bring glory to His name. I want Him to USE me to draw others closer to Him! I am ready to persevere. To keep my eyes focused on Him, to keep my eyes on the prize. He has asked me to walk this infertility/loss journey and I want Him to use this journey to help achieve my purpose in life. (Will someone remind me of this later?? I am sure I will need reminders to keep my eyes on Him and not on my circumstances…)

This is turning into a very long post but I encourage you to read the following devotional from…you guessed it…Girlfriends in God.

Friend to Friend
Patience is not one of my greatest strengths. In fact, I tend to live each day with a schedule in mind, an agenda by which to live that day and several goals I need to meet before the day's end. God does have a sense of humor. I can't tell you how many times my schedule falls apart, the agenda is completely forgotten and I have to move today's goals to tomorrow. I am learning that when God wants to build a certain quality in my life, He puts me in the opposite circumstance. For example, if God wants me to be more patient, He arranges the hours and minutes of my day in ways that demand patience.

What is patience? To be patient is to have the ability to endure, but it doesn't stop there. Patience must also have the capacity to be wronged and not retaliate. In other words, patience is love persevering and love waiting. We are not only to be patient in the way we face difficult situations but in our relationships as well. That just about covers life, doesn't it?

One of the most powerful Bible passages on patience and perseverance is found in the book of James. "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." Do you want to be blessed? Stand firm in your trial. Do you want to be rewarded? Stand firm in that tough circumstance. Be patient - because patience really does pay off. God promises blessings and rewards to those who persevere and stand firm in hard times. The reason we can stand firm is because God loves us unconditionally and promises to walk with us through every dark moment life will bring. Nothing touches our life that does not pass through God's hand, with His permission.

Remember the Bible story of the man named Job? Job was a faithful servant of God, strong in his faith and unwavering in his obedience to God. Satan didn't like it. In fact, he went to God and asked permission to test Job. I love it! The devil had to go to God like an errand boy in order to get permission to touch His child, Job. Satan was convinced that if Job lost everything God had given him, his health, his family, his possessions, he would curse God and follow Satan. God told the serpent to give it his best shot, convinced that Job would persevere. Satan stripped Job of his health, his possessions, his wealth and his family - everything Job held dear. Job stood firm.

Every trial must come through His love but every trial has a purpose. Every pain has a purpose, every ordeal contains a seed of victory and there is a promise for every problem you and I will ever face. The psalmist writes, "The LORD is my strength, my shield from every danger. I trust in him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy" (Psalm 28:7).

Patience pays off in many ways, but one of the greatest rewards of patience is joy, a deeply-rooted confidence that God is in control. Warren Wiersbe says that "when God permits His children to go through the furnace, He keeps His eye on the clock and His hand on the thermostat!" God will never let us face more than we can handle with His help. Hebrews 12:12 says it so well, "So take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs." I have been there, done that and can relate to a weary heart and shaky legs. Can't you?

Patsy Clairmont shares the true story about her son, Jason. When he was seven, she sent him off to school one day. After a little while, there was a knock at the door and when Patsy opened the door, it was Jason. "What are you doing here?" she asked. "I've quit school" he said. "Why have you quit school, Jason?" she demanded. Jason said, "Well, it was too long, it was too hard and it was too boring. And I didn't like a lot of it!" Patsy responded, "Jason, you have just described life. Get back on the bus!" When God sees patience at work in your life, He is pleased by your choice to "get back on the bus" in obedience and in faith.

An evangelist told the story of his friend who, during the depression, lost a job, a fortune, a wife and a home, but he held onto his faith because it was all he had left. One day, he stopped to watch some men building a stone church. One of the workers was chiseling a triangular piece of rock. "What are you going to do with that?" asked the friend. The workman said, "Do you see that little opening way up there near the spire? Well, I'm shaping this down here so that it will fit up there." Tears filled the eyes of the broken man as he walked away. It seemed that God had spoken through the workman to explain the trials of his life. God is using the trials here on earth to refine and purify us. In Colossians 1:11, the apostle Paul writes, "God will strengthen you with his own great power so that you will not give up when troubles come, but you will be patient!"

No matter where you are today, where you have been or what you are facing tomorrow, be patient, knowing your God will strengthen you to stand firm.

Let's Pray
Father, please forgive me when I am impatient. Help me to see You at work in the trial and choose to depend on Your strength instead of my own. Help me to see Your purpose and plan but even if I can't understand it all, help me to stand firm in faith. Lord, make me more patient so that others will see You in me.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Now it's Your Turn
Read Romans 12:12 "Be patient when trouble comes." What trouble in your life today requires patience? Are you willing to choose faith and obedience by trusting God with that trouble?

Read 1 Thessalonians 5:14 "Be patient with everyone." What relationship in your life demands patience from you? Evaluate how patient you have been in this relationship. What one thing do you need to change in order to choose obedience to God as you relate to this person?

Read Ephesians 4:2 "Always be humble, gentle and patient." Notice that patience is listed along with two other important qualities that God wants to see in us. How do you think patience relates to humility and gentleness?

Are you ready to persevere with me??

The New Year

2011-01-03T15:07:00.001-06:00

Well…2010 is gone…2011 is here. I have such mixed feelings about it all. In some ways 2010 was the most wonderful, amazing year of my life. Hearing “you are pregnant”, seeing our baby at each doctor’s visit, hearing that little heartbeat, preparing for our baby’s future with my hubby...such sweet moments. 2010 was also the worst, saddest, most anxiety producing year of my entire life. On one hand I want to see it go but on the other I am scared of the uncertainty of what the future holds. I am disappointed to be starting this year still with empty arms, continuing to grieve what we have lost, with an emending unfulfilled due date.

In the midst of the roller coaster of emotions I have found so many verses that I think are quite appropriate as we roll into another year.

"But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you." Psalm 56:3 -- The future can be scary. The future can be downright frightening. But the Lord simply wants us to put our trust and our future in Him. When we start feeling afraid of the “what ifs” that 2011 might bring we need to pray what David prayed in this Psalm…when I am afraid Lord, I CHOOSE to put my trust in you. In the one who knows my past, who knows my present and who knows my future.

“This is what the Lord says, ... "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:16,18-19 –- God is still in control! He is making a way for us even when we are in the desert places. I don’t know what 2011 holds but I do know that God has promised to make a way for me. He has promised to provide me with just what I need on this journey we call life. He got me through the deserts of 2010 and I KNOW He will get me through 2011 too!

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12 -- I love love love this verse. It is one I have been studying lately and I plan on blogging more about it later. God has called us to persevere through our trials. As time marches on we are sure to experience trials. He never ever promised us that life would be easy but He did promise us that He would never leave us. Regardless of what 2011 will bring me I plan on persevering!! What about you?

I Know You Know

2010-12-21T09:53:00.001-06:00

Here is some old school Christian music for you. :) I love the old school songs and I re-found this one the other day. It's so perfect for where I am right now...actually, it's perfect for everyone wherever they are! (This is my first time posting from my phone...so hopefully the formatting looks OK...). Read through the lyrics and enjoy!

"I Know You Know" by Sierra

I can trust and choose Your will for me
Or I can choose to trust my own
But every time I do
I end up on my knees
Longing for Your arms to lift me up

I can take the roads You lead me down
Or I can turn and go my way
But every time I do
I end up on my knees
Longing for Your arms to lift me up

I know You know
Just what I need
I know You have a plan for me
So I'm going to take your lead
And I won't worry what the future holds
'Cause I know You know

I can hear just what You have to say
Or I can hear just what I want
But every time I do
I end up on my knees
Longing for Your arms to lift me up

Lord, You're faithful in everything, everything
You're the rock I'm leaning on

Surviving the Holidays

2010-12-16T15:00:00.002-06:00

What am I doing to survive the holidays? Avoiding family and friend get togethers that involve infants or pregnant people as much as possible. I hate having to do this because I LOVE BABIES with all my heart (and love my family and friends!)…but it is just too painful this year. In past years I have not looked forward to being surrounded by infants that everyone is swooning over but this year I am dreading it with everything in me. After losing our baby…after believing that I would be 8 1/2 months pregnant this Christmas…with 4 newborns being part of one of my family get togethers…I just can’t do it. To all my friends and family…I love you…but I AM going to be avoiding some of you this year. :)

It takes some humility to admit that. (Although does it take away from the humility if I admit that it took humility??) I want to pretend like I’m Super Woman and that I have no problems functioning normally after our loss. It’s hard admitting that some things are just too much to handle. It’s hard having those I love know that I am avoiding them. But I do want to be honest, because my guess, OK it’s not a guess, I KNOW that many of you feel the same way. Loving your family, loving your friends, loving babies but just not wanting to face it all. And you know what? I think that it’s OK to feel that way. I believe that your true friends and family will understand. We don’t have to pretend like we are super human. It’s OK to admit that we can’t handle certain things.

What you might ask is so hard about the Christmas season for those of us who are struggling with infertility and baby loss? Why let me count the ways…The fact that the holiday is all about a baby – songs, stories, decorations – all about a baby, the fact that families get together and you are forced to watch all of the babies and other children wishing you had one to add to the chaos, wishing you could be buying YOUR child Christmas presents and hanging YOUR child’s stocking, getting Christmas cards in the mail every stinkin day full of baby faces and beautiful family portraits while you sent one out with a picture of just you and your husband, Christmas also is apparently a great time for pregnancy announcements, lines of children at every mall waiting to sit in Santa’s lap…I seriously could go on and on. I HATE feeling that way because Christmas is not all about that commercialized mess and I HATE taking away from the true meaning of Christmas…but the fact remains, those feelings are there, those constant reminders are all around and it is hard.

This article from the Creating a Family website is great about how YOU can get through the holidays. I encourage you to check it out if you are a fellow infertile, have lost a baby or really if you are anyone that loves an infertile or someone who has lost a baby. I think it might give you some additional insight on how hard this time of year can be for some of us.

I want each of you to know that you are ALL in my prayers this Christmas season!!

What are YOU doing this Christmas to stay sane??

Trust

2010-12-06T10:50:00.001-06:00

Trust seems to be a common theme in my life these days. :) Not only am I living it, but little devotionals and Bible verses keep popping up everywhere about trusting Him. The living it part…I am currently on my second cycle of birth control pills. I was put on them last cycle because my lining was too thick and then after being on them for an entire month I go back and find out that I now have a cyst. Huh? Confusion at how I formed a cyst while being on birth control pills…because that shouldn’t happen. Somehow my body went ahead and ovulated even while being on birth control…which makes no sense, especially for a gal that supposedly has problems ovulating. Weird, weird, weird. So, I have a cyst and had to go back on birth control (a different kind this time) to help the cyst subside. Being on birth control while desperately trying to have a child is not my idea of a good time, but guess what…I have to trust Him. For whatever reason the Lord is allowing this to happen. If it was His timing that we would start back with fertility treatments and get pregnant this cycle…then it would have happened. It didn’t happen that way though, so I choose to trust that He has it all worked out.

I find it strange, and yet not strange at all knowing the peace that the Lord gives, that I am at peace with being on the pill for the second month in a row. I am SO beyond ready to have a baby in my arms, my baby, but feel incredibly at peace with being “on hold” for now. God is good.

Following the theme of trust, I found this little tidbit on Alicia’s blog. It is from a devotional book called “Jesus Calling”.

"Trust Me enough to let things happen without striving to predict or control them. Relax, and refresh yourself in the Light of My everlasting Love. My Love-Light never dims, yet you are often unaware of My radiant Presence. When you project yourself into the future, rehearsing what you will do or say, you are seeking to be self-sufficient: to be adequate without my help. This is a subtle sin- so common that it usually slips by unnoticed.

The alternative is to live fully in the present, depending on Me each moment. Rather than fearing your inadequacy, rejoice in My abundant supply. Train your mind to seek My help continually, even when you feel competent to handle something yourself. Don't divide your life into things you can do by yourself and things that require My help, Instead, learn to rely on Me in every situation. This discipline will enable you to enjoy life more and to face each day confidently."

TRUST. He’s got this under control.

Stepping Stones Holiday Edition

2010-12-02T10:57:00.001-06:00

I don’t know how many of you receive the Stepping Stones newsletter, but if not, I recommend them! Stepping Stones is a Christ centered ministry that is a program of Bethany Christian Services and is aimed at offering couples support through infertility and pregnancy loss. Check them out here and sign up for the free newsletters! Anyway, they sent a special holiday issue out this year and I wanted to share. Check it out here. I have another article about getting through the holidays that I will be sharing soon…

Christmas Card 2010

2010-11-29T17:20:00.002-06:00

Merry (Early) Christmas Blogging World!!!

Faith Hope Love Religious

Unique party invitations and greeting cards by Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

Giving Thanks

2010-11-24T09:18:00.001-06:00

Seeing as though Thanksgiving is TOMORROW (how did that happen by the way?) I thought this was an appropriate devotional to share. This is an excerpt from my devotional a few weeks ago about giving thanks…

Girlfriends in God - Mary Southerland

Psalm 138:2 "I will give thanks to your name for your unfailing love and faithfulness, because your promises are backed by all the honor of your name."

“Are there times when you don't feel like praising God? Honestly, our feelings are irrelevant when it comes to praising God. Praise is not about us. Praise is all about God. Praise is a deliberate choice and a learned habit that produces contentment and an attitude of gratitude.

In Philippians 4:11, the Apostle Paul writes, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." In this verse, "learned" means to be "educated by experience" and the word "content" means "contained." Paul's contentment was the result of the resources contained in his heart. In other words, Paul used his circumstances as tutors in the school of praise. He learned how to give God praise even when he was beaten, ridiculed, in prison and facing his own death. Paul's attitude did not reflect his circumstances. Paul made a deliberate choice to praise God - no matter what. Why? Because Paul knew that even when he did not understand God's process, he could trust God's heart.

When we are discouraged, praise reminds us that there is hope in God.

When we are afraid, praise reminds us that no matter what happens, God is with us.

When we are lost, praise reminds us that God has already been where He is leading us.

When we are confused, praise reminds us that heaven is not in a panic.”

I choose to praise Him and give thanks today! What about you??

This and That

2010-11-23T11:16:00.001-06:00

I find myself at times detaching from the internet blogging world because it is easier…I don’t want my life to go back to being consumed with infertility 24 hours a day, part of me is sick of having my personal business for the world to see, it is difficult watching those who have been “here” with me previously move on to birthing children, even blogging itself is a reminder of what we have lost and how far we still have to go…I don’t know. It is easier to live life sometimes not blogging and commenting all of the time, if that makes any sense. I think you have to do whatever it is to function and get through each day, and detaching a little bit is how I am coping right now. That is not to say that I don’t daily pray for each of you, and still read up on your posts but I don’t feel like I can be as involved as I once was right now. I don’t know if that makes any sense…

I still experience reminders every single day of what I so desperately want and have lost. Before we became pregnant I was jealous of pregnant bellies and mothers with young babies…now it just makes me so sad. Unless you have lost a child I don’t think you can fully understand the depth of the sadness, sometimes it feels so consuming.

One example of those daily reminders…We had the nursery on Sunday and a little girl told me she was getting a baby from Santa. Then she excitedly asked me, “Is Santa bringing you a baby for Christmas??” Consuming sadness.

I normally love love love Christmas time. Getting out the decorations and Christmas music normally brings me such joy I can’t wipe the smile off of my face, but not the case this year. We got the Christmas decorations out this past weekend (I know it is early, but it was then or never) and I was so not in the Christmas spirit. It was a chore putting them up and even now that they are up they aren’t bringing me joy like they have every other year of my 28 years on this earth. I was supposed to be 7 weeks away from giving birth this year at Christmas, opening presents for my baby, buying a new DSLR camera to capture all of those upcoming happy baby moments, but instead I won’t be doing any of that. Christmas is just another painful reminder of what we have lost. Consuming sadness.

I don’t mean for this post to be depressing, but I want you to know my heart. That is where I am, that is how I feel, that is what I am thinking. There it is. My devotional the other day was on transparency. It said this…

“Transparency is being willing to let others see who we really are and what is really going on in our heart and life. In 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, the Apostle Paul writes, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." In other words, comfort and encouragement are cyclical.

When I choose to be transparent about my struggle with [infertility and loss], I position myself to receive and give comfort and encouragement to others fighting that same battle. It sounds so simple, doesn't it? It is - if we choose to be transparent.”

So, here I am being transparent. It is hard to let yourself be so vulnerable, but I have learned through this period of my life it is the best option. Hopefully, through being transparent, by sharing our struggles, the Lord will bring healing.

There is hope. Even through the consuming sadness -especially through the consuming sadness, even when it is hard to even blog or to read others blogs, even with the painful daily reminders of what we have lost…God is still holding me…He is still holding YOU. He will never let us go, He will never leave us alone, He will never give us more than we can handle – if we place our trust and our hope in Him. In the words of Babbie Mason (lyrics from “Trust His Heart”), “So when you don't understand, When you don't see His plan, When you can't trace His hand, Trust His heart.” God will work out all of the details, all I have to do is TRUST HIM to do so. Sounds so simple and yet it so hard to live out every day…

iPod Faith

2010-11-17T09:33:00.001-06:00

My friend Jamie sent me this little devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries…enjoy!

November 1, 2010 by Marybeth Whalen

"Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truths and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:4-5 (NIV)

When I was a kid, I had tapes of the music I liked. When I was in college, I had CDs. The point was, when I liked a song, I had to buy the whole tape or CD to get that song.

Sometimes you could buy the cassette single and sometimes you could get lucky enough to tape it from the radio. (Anyone else remember sitting by the radio waiting to catch your favorite song so you could hit record?) But for the most part, you had to buy the whole enchilada.

A funny thing happened when you bought the whole tape or CD, though. Not always, but a lot of the time you found other songs you liked by that artist. Your eyes were opened to other possibilities. (Hang on... I am going somewhere with this...) You discovered a song that you felt like no one else knew about but you because you didn't hear it on the radio. It became personal because it wasn't popular. It was what you found when you were looking for something else.

Now music has changed. One of my kids hears a song and within moments they can get online and have it downloaded to their iPod for $1. No trip to the mall with your hard-earned money, no waiting for your mom to have time to drive you. Just a few clicks and press play. And you also don't have to buy anything you didn't want or know about. You just got what you wanted, when you wanted it. It has revolutionized the music industry. But is it necessarily better that way?

I spent time last week going back through old songs I loved, many of which were songs that were never popular, that most people never heard of. I found them because I had bought the whole tape of some band's latest release. I like them so much because they weren't popular, therefore they didn't get overplayed. They felt mine.

How often I want my faith the way I want my iPod—instant gratification without having to wade through the unknowns. I want what I want when I want it. Point click and play. I don't want God to require me to buy the whole album—to deal with the parts I don't know or like, to take the time to listen to things I might not want to hear.

And yet, I gained a lot from wading through the stuff I never would have tried without being forced. There were unexpected treasures to be found, surprises I ended up valuing more than what I originally set out to find. I wanted to be a mother but I didn't want the sleepless nights and being stretched to the point of breaking. I wanted to be married but I didn't want to learn how to get along with another person day in and day out, to discover what sacrifice really means. I wanted to be a novelist but I didn't want to have to work so hard to make it happen. I wanted to lose weight but I didn't want to exercise daily or control my cravings. I wanted what I wanted, and God used those desires to build my character along the way, and draw me closer to Him in the process.

Call me old school (you wouldn't be the first) but I don't want an iPod faith. Just because it's more convenient or faster doesn't mean it's the best way. Sometimes being open to what you weren't expecting is the best way to find what you were looking for all along.

Dear Lord, help me to remember when You ask me to wait it is for my best. Help me to trust in the process You're taking me through. And help me remember that You are on the other side of every trial, waiting with a new perspective, a new vision, a new hope. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Reflections:
What are some things God has required you to go through that you would have chosen to skip if you could? Are you grateful for them now?

Power Verses:
Psalm 31:3, "Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me." (NIV)

Psalm 143:8, "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." (NIV)

Strong in the Broken Places

2010-11-07T22:36:00.001-06:00

This is an excerpt from the Girlfriends in God devotional from awhile back…

By Mary Southerland

“I find it interesting that all through life, the greatest strength is forged in broken places.

God is not committed to our comfort. God is committed to creating His character within us.

Suffering comes in many ways, but always with the purpose of making us strong enough to endure pain and weak enough to rely upon God.

Hope follows pain because pain forces us to trust God and rely upon His power to mend a broken life. It is in that abandonment to God that we find hope. "We know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope." (Romans 5:3-4

Difficult [times] and the brokenness they bring can make us either bitter or better. It is our choice. We can insist on comfort and forfeit character or we can embrace the brokenness, knowing that God will use it for our good.”

Enough said.

Blah Appointments

2010-11-04T10:32:00.001-05:00

We were in Mobile yesterday for our hematologist and RE appointments and I honestly feel like it was pointless to even go down there. The hematologist had no new information for us…basically telling us that absolutely nothing is proven with the MTHFR gene mutation causing repeat pregnancy loss. It’s a gray area, it’s controversial, there haven’t been convincing studies, etc. She basically said “take a baby aspirin each day just in case that helps anything”, but there is no convincing evidence that the MTFHR mutation really has any effect on pregnancy outcomes. Well that’s lovely, thanks for taking my money for that. :)

At our RE appointment, he went over our hefty file with us and basically told us that we would proceed with the same protocol as we used last time since it “worked”, getting us pregnant (Follistim, Ovidrel, IUI, etc.). The only difference would be changing my prenatal vitamin and taking a baby aspirin every day. We are free to proceed whenever we are ready.

It was just a very blah kind of day though. It was dreary and cloudy and rainy outside, exactly how we felt on the inside. I was not one bit excited to be back in Mobile. I had not wanted to come back for a very long time and it was hard being there again. It was hard having to go back to the RE and being back at square one in a sense, exactly where we were a year ago when we first came to his office. Without any real answers about what is going on. I feel like we have made progress towards taking home a baby in the past year since seeing him and yet I feel more scared than I did a year ago when we first met him. I feel like we have some “answers” and yet no doctor is convinced that they are “answers”. I feel helpless to “fixing” anything that could possibly go wrong again and mad at myself for worrying about the “what if’s” because this is the Lord’s battle to be fighting, not mine. I just have to trust and relax that He is in control…yet, I do have to be an advocate for myself too. I am scared to proceed with treatments and yet so ready all at the same time.

Sorry my thoughts are all over, but it’s where my brain is right now. So that’s where we stand. Ready to proceed, if my body is ready to proceed, whenever. I go in to my OB Friday to check on everything to see where my body stands. We will just go from there…

Recent Travels and More…

2010-11-01T17:49:00.001-05:00

It’s been awhile since I have uploaded pictures on here, but we have been on many a trips and just had a bunch of stuff going on the past month that I need to document! :)

First off was a trip to Birmingham to visit my mom and dad who were in town for a couple of weeks and then on to see my brother, David, and his girlfriend, Emily, in Starkville, MS. Go Bulldogs! (Only when they aren’t playing Alabama…)

While we were in Starkville we had to stop at Bop’s - THE BEST CUSTARD IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!

Me and my mommy on another trip to Greenville, South Carolina. I LOVE that city!

Asheville, NC at the Biltmore…it was BEAUTIFUL! It is the biggest house in the US and is over 170,000 square feet with 250 rooms!

My cute parents

A view from one of the balconies at the Biltmore

Later in October, I drove down to Florida to meet up with Becky from Day by Day! She was one of the first bloggers I ever followed and the first blogger I have gotten to meet! She was in the south for a week and we were able to meet up and have lunch one day…we could have talked for hours!!! It was GREAT getting to meet her!!

Here we are at the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, “Walk to Remember”.

I am SO blessed to have great co-workers that I enjoy being around!! Every year we have a staff retreat, normally at the beach, this year it was at Lay Lake. We rented a BEAUTIFUL house and all 18 of us got to hang out for three days. We got a lot of work done, but were also able to go on a boat ride, play tons of games, grill out…and learn a lot about each other. :)

Then of course there was Halloween! Halloween is HUGE in our neighborhood. Last year we counted around 400 trick-or-treaters (we bought a lap counter for that purpose) and this year we probably had about the same. We had a fun time with friends and the rest of Dothan! :)

Here is Barry in his costume…can you guess what he is?? He and one of our friends dressed up as Nuclear Cleanup Workers…the kids did NOT get it, although they were told several times that they had awesome costumes. Silly boys…

I think that is all for now! I am all caught up with my picture posting on this here blog. :)

We have our hematologist and RE appointments on Wednesday in Mobile and I am really looking forward to meeting with both doctors and figuring out where they recommend that we go from here. Please be praying for us that we will know where GOD wants us to go from here.

“Hallelujah” by Heather Williams

2010-10-26T13:12:00.001-05:00

This is a song Barry discovered this weekend. I love the song and there is such meaning behind it. Heather Williams lost her baby when he was an infant and this song came after that loss when she was really having a heart to heart with the Lord. She says in an interview about the meaning behind the song, “I wasn’t mad at God and I wasn’t questioning God…but I had really made a decision to keep an open dialog with God….God likes that relationship. The cry of hallelujah means [even in this broken place], I’m still going to say I love you, I’m still going to glorify you in anything and everything. Through all of that I can stand because of God.” I encourage you to listen to her story here.

She is so right!! We can’t hide our thoughts, our feelings, our emotions from the Lord…He already knows!! He wants us to have open dialogue with Him, even when we are angry and upset and sad. He can take it! He wants us to talk to Him and to be open with Him about how we are really feeling. And through it all He will always love us. We can always sing Hallelujah because He is always holding us, always leading us, and will never leave us. Hallelujah!!

“Hallelujah” by Heather Williams

Jesus, please come
please come today
hear me
heal me
be near me I pray

I have fallen so far
flat on my face
I'm in need of your grace today
I stumble and fall
but in spite of it all
your love always stays the same

Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Jesus, please come
please come today
break me
mold me
use me I pray

but don't give up on me now
I'm so close to you now
I'm in need of your grace today
wipe the dirt off my face
hold me in your embrace
your love always saves the day

Hallelujah
Hallelujah

I have fallen so far
flat on my face
I'm in need of your grace today

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Sing Hallelujah
Sing Hallelujah
Sing Hallelujah amen

On my knees here I fall
in spite of it all
Hallelujah

And though it seems hard
I'm still trusting you Lord
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

You can listen to the song here.

Adding a Hematologist to the mix

2010-10-24T00:15:00.001-05:00

I heard from my RE a couple of days ago. He called at 6:30pm still working away at the office. My OB’s office had faxed him my results and he wanted to discuss them with me...one of the only times I have been called from that office without me initiating the contact! He told me that he does not believe this MTHFR mutation is the cause of my miscarriages. Through our own MTHFR research (including tons of advice from you guys – thanks!) and after talking to him, we have learned that basically this gene mutation can cause problems with your body metabolizing folic acid, which is obviously very important during pregnancy. It can also cause blood clotting, also not a good thing while pregnant. Some doctors have just began testing for this mutation while other doctors still do not test for it. Research is still being conducted and some sources say that the mutation definitely causes repeat miscarriages, other sources say there is not a direct connection. The problem is is that no one knows…and that is so frustrating! If we found something that was definitely the cause, that had a proven “treatment” it would make this a teeny bit easier. But the not knowing is so annoying. If we “treat” this it may or may not solve anything. Grrr.

Back to the conversation I had with the RE. He said that he thinks the best plan of action will be to begin taking a new prenatal vitamin that contains the active form of folic acid, so that my body will not have to metabolize it. The vitamin is called Neevo and on the bottle it is described as “medical food”. I thought that was quite funny for some reason…he also said that I should begin taking a baby aspirin a day and possibly go on heparin if and when we get pregnant again to prevent blood clotting. Another recommendation was to not see the genetics counselor but instead to see a hematologist in Mobile who has done research on this gene mutation. (I haven’t cancelled that appointment yet though in case we decide to still see the genetics counselor after talking to the hematologist.) I like that idea…we will be sticking to 2 cities and she specializes in it! After many a phone calls to my OB and RE, we were able to get an appointment set up with the hematologist for the week after next! MUCH sooner than the genetics counselor! We will also see the RE on the same day after we have met with the hematologist to discuss our plan of action.

So, over all I guess I am feeling a little bit better about it all. Still not excited :) but glad we are getting some answers and will be talking to someone who knows about the MTHFR gene mutation soon. I just have to trust God that He’s got this under control!!!!

Tears and faith

2010-10-18T15:58:00.001-05:00

Overwhelmed, exhausted, angry, sad, hopeless, frustrated, annoyed, mad, tired, crushed, heartbroken…

These are all words that express how I am feeling right now. We had our follow up appointment with my OB today to discuss our lab work and here is what they found.

1. The baby was a girl. I am so glad that we were able to find out but my heart breaks more and more when I think about our little girl that we never got to meet this side of Heaven. It makes it seem even more real and even more sad, if that is even possible. I can’t stop crying. The genetic testing came back normal.

2. Barry’s lab work looked fine.

3. Everything from my lab work came back in normal ranges except for part of the DNA analysis, which was definitely on my list of things I did not want to hear. I have a single mutation (c677T) in the MTHFR gene. I’m not going to begin to try to explain it on here because I really don’t understand it all. (Any information from those of you who might have this would be appreciated??) My Dr. didn’t have much information for us except that he doesn’t see many cases of it and he wants to refer us to a genetic counselor. Crushed. He said that he is not telling us that we cannot get pregnant and carry a baby full term but he just isn’t the expert and wants to get a genetic doctor on board. If and when we get pregnant again we would be followed by this doctor throughout the pregnancy. We have been doing some research since we got home and I don’t know how to feel about it.

On one hand it’s good that they found something so that we have a starting point of what to try to “fix”. On the other hand I reallly didn’t want to hear that Barry or I had some type of genetic issue. Especially one that they don’t know that much about. I am so aggravated that we are having to get yet another doctor involved, as I was already having enough trouble juggling 2 doctors in 2 cities. Now we are adding a 3rd in yet another city. OB in Dothan, RE in Mobile and Geneticist (or whatever he is) in Birmingham. In case you aren’t familiar with Alabama geography, none of those cities are close together. Each is about 3-4 hours away from each other. PLUS I couldn’t get an appointment until the end of November!! I am so frustrated that we don’t live in a city that offers the doctors that we need. I keep reminding myself that we are blessed to have somewhat flexible work schedules though and dependable vehicles to get us to each doctor.

I am so angry that not only do we have multiple issues that contribute to us GETTING pregnant but we have issues KEEPING us pregnant. Issues that doctors may or may not be able to help us with. Issues that could prevent us from ever having biological children. Issues that could cause us to have more miscarriages. Issues that don’t go away without God intervening big time.

Today is just one of those days that I can’t be positive, I can’t smile, I can’t look on the bright side, I can’t stop crying. I am just tired, so tired of all of this. I wish that there was an end in sight and I am heart broken that there just isn’t. I keep running back to the one thing I know is true though. My hope and happiness are not to be found in what the world has to offer. I have to place all of that in His loving and capable hands and trust that He knows best. I have to “Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10. I just came across this quote and I think it explains this scripture best…

“So as your world crumbles around you, the call from Scripture is: don’t flinch in faith in God. Stand still — not because of a self-made confidence, not because you are the most composed person in the face of disaster, not because “you’ve seen it all.” Be still because of what you know about God.

It is “God’s past” that provides calm for “our future.” Know that he is God! Know it, not merely intellectually, but practically, spiritually, and emotionally. He is your God. He is the ruler of kingdoms of this earth and the all-powerful Creator of the Universe.

If you are the last man or woman standing, be still. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth do change” (Psalm 46:1-2a). Hallelujah!”

Message to myself today…Be still and know that God is still in control.

A Day to Remember…

2010-10-15T17:10:00.001-05:00

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day. In 1988, President Ronald Regan proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Later, October 15th became recognized as the day to promote support, education and awareness for grieving parents nationwide. According to a 2004 report conducted by the CDC, in 2000, 15.6% of pregnancies in the United States ended in either a miscarriage or stillbirth.

There are so many mothers and fathers (and others touched by their losses) that are grieving the loss of their babies - today and every day. Many of these families are suffering in silence. Please take a moment with me to remember all of these lost lives and and to pray for all of those hurting parents throughout our nation and the rest of the world. The pain never goes away…some things get easier as time passes, but the hurt, the lost dreams, the memories will always be there.

I thank the Lord for the short time that we had with our little babies and for the knowledge that we will get to meet them one day. I wish we had had longer, but we are so blessed to have had the time that we did.

Today, I have spent much time in prayer for Barry and I, for many of you, and for those men and women that I do not know who are also hurting. I pray for peace, for strength to get through each day, for hope…Tomorrow, we are participating in A Walk to Remember here in Dothan. I am looking forward to meeting other men and women who have lost their babies while remembering their short lives.

I appreciate all of the support and encouragement from each of you throughout this time in our lives. I thank the Lord every day for each of you. Thanks for remembering with us!

Bible verse of the day

2010-10-13T17:34:00.001-05:00

from Pray Date: Where Angels' Mommies Meet

Lamentations 3:22-26

22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

Ramblings…

2010-10-04T15:11:00.002-05:00

I am not really sure what to write about. I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head and no logical way to organize them. Maybe I should bullet a few of my thoughts for the day.

- I still have not gone one day since our baby’s Heaven Birthday without tearing up, crying or completely losing it.

- I thought infertility was hard. Ha. Losing a baby on top of infertility is torture. Either one is difficult, but both of them…There are so many layers to the grieving. You are grieving over the loss of the baby and you are grieving over the fact that you tried for so long for that baby and you don’t know when or if you will get that opportunity again. I can’t just go pop out another baby like some people…And truth be told, that wouldn’t help anyway because I miss THAT particular baby.

- I am so happy for my many friends who have recently found out that they are pregnant or who are currently pregnant but words can’t express the pain that it also brings. Two of my best friends are due two weeks after I would have been due and it hurts so much. We should be celebrating pregnancy milestones together, celebrating our baby’s birthday’s together…and here I am back at square one with more pain than I know how to express.

- I AM blessed to have been able to experience pregnancy, to know with certainty that my two babies are waiting for me in heaven, to have supportive friends (even the pregnant ones), to have a great family...

- Getting your period after a D&C isn’t fun. It only reminds you of what you no longer have.

- I struggle with what to tell people because I don’t want to make people feel awkward. When someone says “do you have any children?” What do you say? Do you tell them “yes, I have 2 babies in Heaven”?

- I am annoyed at fertile people.

- Some days I just wish I had no filter and could tell people what I really think. I wish I could respond to people’s Facebook status’s or comments in the way that I really feel. I wish I could tell some people to shut up. I wish there was a way to make them really understand what we are going through. But that is just evil fleshy Lisa. I NEVER would REALLY want someone to experience the pain we have. I just want them to understand.

- I love being part of this infertility/baby loss community but it is also hard. As much as I want all of my blogger friends to have happy take home babies - I truly, truly do - I also want that to be me. I would like to put in a request that no one else get pregnant or birth a child before I do. Thanks. :) (FYI...through God's grace my love for each of you wins out over mean Lisa though. I still pray every day that God will bless each of you with healthy pregnancies and healthy babies...even if that happens to you before it happens to me. I promise.)

- I am glad that God knows all of my ugly, selfish, mean thoughts and still loves me!!!

That’s all for now…maybe I will expound on some of those later…aren’t you lucky. :)

Where are we going from here update…

2010-10-01T11:45:00.001-05:00

I have gotten the question from several people, “what is the next step?” And honestly…who knows. :) I had my follow up appointment at my OB on Tuesday and he said that I am physically healing well. I am still in pain when I push myself at all working out and when we engage in extracurricular activities, if you know what I mean. :) He said that this is normal and might continue for a few more weeks while my uterus continues to heal.

We did choose to do chromosomal testing on the baby, and surprise, they haven’t gotten those results back yet (they have to do the testing in Birmingham). He was about to send me away when I asked him if we could begin some testing on Barry and I to see if we can find the cause of what’s going on here since it was my 2nd miscarriage (the first was back in March, an early loss miscarriage). After I asked he agreed to start some blood work…but why in the world did he not suggest this without me having to advocate for myself?? I love my doctor, but I know they are all so busy and just don’t THINK sometimes.

My OB’s office contacted my RE’s office (without me ever asking) and they got on the same page regarding what blood tests we needed to have run. I went back in on Wednesday morning (because I had to be fasting) and had 14 vials…yes, really…14! of blood drawn. Barry went in yesterday afternoon and had 1 vial drawn. Where is the fairness here?? They will be testing for a whole gamete of things (from autoimmune disorders to thyroid issues to chromosomal abnormalities to insulin levels) and we will have a follow up appointment in a few weeks to discuss the findings. Maybe then we will have a better idea of what our next step will be.

I am pretty darn worried to be honest. I know of many people who have had recurrent pregnancy loss testing and they have been able to find something and “treat” it to be able to sustain a future pregnancy. But then there is also a chance they will find something genetically “wrong” with Barry or I and not be able to do anything about it. Ignorance is bliss and I unfortunately am not ignorant in this area.

I read in my devotional yesterday, “Every opportunity to worry is also an opportunity to trust Him.” This moment I choose trust over worry and I will need to remind myself of this approximately 2 million times each and every day. :)

“Wait”

2010-09-29T09:34:00.001-05:00

A blogger friend shared this with me a few weeks ago and I absolutely love it. I wanted to share it with you guys and I hope that it will bless each of you as it did me.

“Wait”

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

~Author Unknown

Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Bible verses of the day

2010-09-28T09:42:00.001-05:00

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

“I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth…” Psalm 40:1-3a

We Are ALL Spiritual 1 Year Olds…

2010-09-27T08:49:00.001-05:00

My friend Courtney gave me this awesome illustration the other day. But before I tell you what it is I want to give you an update on her little baby (she is the one that the Dr. found a neural tube defect on her little one)…the last ultrasound showed HUGE improvements! It now appears that her (it’s a girl! Harper Kate!) little brain has a cyst on the cerebellum. This is causing swelling and her ventricles are bigger than they want to see. So she still needs lots and lots of prayers but it is no longer a death sentence! God is beginning to work a miracle in little Harper Kate’s life! Thank you for the prayers!

Now on to the illustration…A man from church shared this story with her from his personal experience…

This father had to bring his 1 1/2 year old son to the hospital because he was very sick. The nurse was having a hard time getting an IV in the little boy’s hand and had to keep calling nurse after nurse to keep trying. The little boy was obviously in pain and he kept looking up at his daddy with the face that says “Daddy, why are you letting this happen to me?? It hurts! Make them stop!” The father was so upset watching his son go through this pain but he KNEW that the ultimate goal was in his son’s best interest. Because the little boy was only 1 1/2 the father could not explain to him in terms that the little boy could understand WHY this pain was for his own good. The father had the power to stop the pain but that would not have brought about the best end results.

We are just like that 1 1/2 year old!! We are experiencing pain in this life and as our Heavenly Daddy holds us we are asking Him, “Why God, Why this pain?? You can stop it at any point if you want to!!” But because we simply cannot understand the mind of God, He can’t explain to us why this pain is for our good and ultimately His glory. He cannot explain to us why He allowed certain things to happen in our lives. We simply would not be able to comprehend the big picture as He sees it. He hurts along with us but KNOWS that there is a bigger plan than what we can see.

Isn’t that neat? I really like looking at it that way…and as frustrating as it is, aren’t we glad that we can’t completely understand the ways of our Lord? If we could, then how would He be any greater than us?

Isaiah 55:9 “For [as] the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Ecclesiastes 11:5 “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of the Lord, the Maker of all things.”

Daily Bible Verse and Thought

2010-09-24T16:13:00.001-05:00

This was my Daily Bible verse of the day, courtesy of Heartlight.

VERSE: “Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. -- Hebrews 10:35-36

THOUGHT:
There are some tough times that go with living. They're
inescapable. That's when our confidence in the Lord's salvation and our relationship with him get tested! It is one thing to sing "it is well with my soul" at the end of a peel-the-paint and raise-the-roof worship service, but it is quite another to be able to sing it when they auction your house off at the courthouse steps, you are told you have a long-term debilitating illness, or you lose a child to death. Faith can't take a holiday when we travel through the suburbs of hell or we'll never find our way out. So don't throw it away. Persevere! Keep putting one foot in front of the other trusting that God will give you the strength for the next step. No matter how hard it is at the moment, don’t give up to despair. Be like Job or Jeremiah who both argued and complained to God, but never let go of God. Don't quit. Christ is coming for you with grace and in glory. His return is just around the bend and could break into our world at any time.

PRAYER:
Holy and Almighty God, I am profoundly aware that some of those I love are close to throwing away their confidence in your love, mercy, grace, peace, and deliverance. Please use me to encourage them. Even more, dear Father, I ask that you use your Holy Spirit to renew their hearts. I pray that you intervene directly to change the course of events and give them relief and make your gracious presence known to them. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Night of Joy 2010

2010-09-23T15:05:00.001-05:00

We were in Orlando the weekend before last for Night of Joy and I am so very very glad that we went. We had bought our tickets to the event several months ago and in light of the recent events we debated not going but decided it would be good to get out of the house. And it really was exactly what we needed. It was so nice to have a change of scenery, a reason to get dressed and put on make-up each day, etc.

Night of Joy is a huge Christian music concert that takes place at Magic Kingdom every year. This years headliners…David Crowder Band, Chris Tomlin, Casting Crowns, Sidewalk Prophets, Tenth Avenue North, Thousand Foot Krutch, Third Day, MercyMe…there were a ton more acts, but those were the bigger name bands. The concerts were from 7pm-1am on Friday and Saturday, and they even kept the entire park open the whole night! So you could listen to some music, ride a ride, listen to more music, etc. They also had a local Christian radio station playing over the speakers throughout the whole park. It was awesome!

(Except for the two newborns…I mean they seriously could have come straight from the hospital…that camped out right next to us during one of the concerts. That wasn’t my favorite moment of the weekend. Nor was the fact that every other billboard (almost literally) along a probably 200 mile stretch in Florida said “Are you pregnant” or “Pregnant? Your baby’s heart is already beating” etc. etc. I don’t know if there is a high rate of abortion in Florida or what but it really was crazy. I had noticed it before on previous Orlando or Miami trips but this time it was another constant reminder that I was NOT pregnant.)

Anyway, back to my story…I went into it thinking it would mostly be a cool concert, but it was such a worshipful experience! It was really a cool experience to be in a place like that with thousands of other believers worshipping our Lord! Here are some pictures of our well needed weekend away…

Ahhh…it doesn’t matter how many times I come here I always light up when I walk into the Magic Kingdom. I am a child at heart. :)

Riding Big Thunder Mountain Railroad…notice the hair already up in a ponytail within 30 minutes of getting to the park. It is still in the high 90’s with crazy humidity down here in the silly south.

Waiting for the concerts to start!

Stuck in jail with this scary creature! The Buzz Lightyear ride is one of our favorites…I think we rode it 3 or 4 times. :)

The picture everyone gets at Magic Kingdom, in front of Mickey! Decked out in our Bama gear for day #2!

One of the stages was right in front on the castle. It changed colors throughout the night. Beautiful in my opinion. :) The only thing that makes the Magic Kingdom better is going at Christmas time when there are white lights all over the castle and throughout the park!

My hubby watching the play by play of the Bama game on his phone while we wait in line for a 3-D movie. :)

In motion picture on Space Mountain…The first time we rode this ride I caught myself laughing and smiling really big on the ride and it felt almost wrong to be smiling and laughing and having fun, but it felt so good at the same time if that makes any sense.

By the way, they have recently renovated Space Mountain and they now have games you can play while waiting in line! It was very cool.

Day #3 - This was my breakfast at SeaWorld…a yummy chocolate covered ice cream Shamu. :) Sugar Busters where are you??

At the dolphin and whale show at Sea World. Our camera survived this one but almost bit the dust at the Shamu show. It got soaked…and will never be quite the same again, but at least it recovered enough to still function!

We will definitely be going to Night of Joy again! Anyone want to come with us next year?!?!

1 Month Ago…

2010-09-21T10:21:00.001-05:00

Our baby’s Heaven Birthday was one month ago today. 4 weeks and 1 day ago I felt the baby move. And the very next day our world came crashing down on us. It is so surreal to think about what we have been through the past month and the fact that we have been without our sweet baby for the same amount of time. In some ways it seems like the time has flown by and in other ways it seems like it has been the longest month of my life. Today, although I am still so sad, I choose to be joyful that my baby has been with Jesus for an entire month. I choose to place my hope in the Lord and the promise that I will be there one day too. I choose to trust that our Heavenly Father is holding me and guiding my steps as I go through my day today and every day. I choose to believe that there will be better days ahead. I choose to have faith that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28.

“Glory Baby” by Watermark

2010-09-20T14:13:00.001-05:00

I know I have been posting a lot of songs in the past few weeks, but God has really been speaking to me and comforting me through music lately. I seem to always have some song running through my head these days. It makes me feel closer to Him and not alone in my feelings. There are so many people hurting out there, regardless of the situation, and these songs are reminders that we are not alone in our hurt.

My friend Lindsay passed this song on to me and it brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it…definitely my favorite right now. Get your tissues ready. The song makes me cry a lot from sadness but mostly because I know that I will get to meet my baby one day. My favorite quote from the song is, “But baby let sweet Jesus hold you ‘till mom and dad can hold you…” Thank you Jesus for holding my baby until I can get there!!!

“Glory Baby” by Watermark

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby...
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

You can listen to the song here. (It is a version performed by someone else, not Watermark, but I couldn’t find the entire Watermark version on the internet. You can download it on iTunes though!)

“Let the Waters Rise” by Mikeschair

2010-09-19T17:34:00.001-05:00

This song is one that I have heard a million times but has taken on new meaning the past few weeks. The lyrics were brought to my attention (because remember half of the time I just sing along with songs without really hearing what the song is saying. So it REALLY is God getting me to listen to the lyircs when I post songs on here!!) by a new friend and blog reader…

“Let the Waters Rise” by Mikeschair

Don't know where to begin
It's like my world's caving in
And I tried but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here

Sometimes it's so hard to pray
You feel so far away
I am willing to go where You want me to
God I trust You

[Chorus]
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If you want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

[Chorus]

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding on to You
God your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

Listen to it here…