Firsts for Elijah

One of my friends, who is also an adoptive parent to a beautiful little boy from Russia, sent me this list to encourage us…a list of first that we won’t miss with Elijah! It made me cry. :)

We get to be there the first time he will...

1. see the ocean

2. say Mommy

3. say Daddy

4. walk barefoot on grass

5. get really, really dirty

6. fingerpaint

7. play in a pool

8. get licked by a dog

9. eat a popsicle

10. eat a french fry

11. fly on a plane

12. sit in a carseat

13. eat corn on the cob

14. see fireflies

15. meet grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins

16. go to church

17. go to the grocery store

18. eat at a restaurant

19. visit a park

20. go to the zoo

21. see his own room

22. get sick and be comforted by his mom and dad

23. see a bird's nest

24. hear country music or any American music

25. wear his very own pair of shoes

26. go to the dentist

27. have a birthday cake

28. wear a Halloween costume

29. jump in a bounce house

30. have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

31. see fireworks

32. fall and get a skinned knee and have his mom and dad kiss away the tears

33. become an American citizen

34. eat a chocolate doughnut that makes a huge mess and no one cares

35. clomp around in his mom's shoes

36. throw a rock into water and make a big splash

37. go to Disney World (because I know you are a Disney family)

38. ride on a carousel

39. eat pizza

40. get a haircut at a barber shop

41. watch a football game

42. see Santa Claus

43. wear a bathing suit

44. become mesmerized by a construction site

45. stand on the corner and watch kids get off the school bus

46. see a trash truck (You have no idea how exciting this is for little boys.)

47. sing his ABCs

48. respond to his name

49. turn a light switch on and off

50. watch a bag of microwave popcorn grow

51. watch you dry and straighten your hair

52. watch you cook

53. watch Barry shave

54. look at you when someone asks, "Where's Mommy?"

55. give you a kiss

 

I can’t wait to experience all of these firsts with him!!!

Two Things...

1. Thank you to all you adoptive mothers out there that sent me emails affirming that everything that I am feeling is normal!! It's such a blessing to have such an amazing support system of adoptive parents around me!


2. I just wanted to clarify...I am honestly doing great. Yesterday wasn't a bad day even...I just want to record my feelings, emotions and experiences throughout this whole process and that's what I was doing. But don't worry about me...just because I don't want to get out of bed or want to get dressed or want to workout doesn't mean that I'm not doing it...it could just mean that it's Friday, it's my day off and I want to stay in my pjs all day. :) This process is hard and when you're yearning for a part of you that is thousands of miles away (we found Elijah's orphanage on google maps yesterday...it was much excitement in our house) its normal to need a little extra motivation!

One of the best things is being busy...it's great to have little things to look forward to...dinner tonight with friends...lunch on Monday and Tuesday of next week with friends...yes, a lot of my "things to look forward to" revolve around food, but if thats what it takes...haha. I need a beach trip thrown in there somewhere...anyone up for a beach getaway?

And on a completely unrelated note...I was going through pictures the other day and came across this and it cracks me up everytime I see it.

My friend Breanne and I were on a mission trip to Hawaii our senior year of high school and there were bed bugs all in our bed!!!! It was disgusting!! We were in a condo, not a hotel, so there was no one to call when we went to bed, so we just pushed two kitchen chairs together and slept that way all night long. My "blanket" is a sarong. One of the adults found us this way in the morning and I'm so glad she got a picture to capture the moment. Good times, good times.

 

Rambling…

I’m not really sure what to blog about…but I want to record my feelings each step of the way, so I thought I’d just start typing and see what comes out.

This wait is hard. Really hard. I really was at peace the entire time waiting for the referral, and I am still at peace knowing that God is totally in control…but this wait is much much harder. I have seen Elijah. I have held him. I have heard his adorable little cry and voice. I have been to Russia. It’s tough waiting on this side of things!

Barry and I both look at his pictures several times a day. We watch the video of him babbling every day. We just want him in our arms again!

I oscillate back and forth between getting exciting because we WILL get to bring him home to sick to my stomach because I want to bring him home right now. I mostly stay in the sick to my stomach side of things. I KNOW that God is in control, bigger than paperwork and will get us back to Russia in His timing, but I can’t explain how hard it is even with that knowledge.

The hardest thing for me is just the fact that we are missing out on his life. Every parent always talks about how quickly time flies and how fast their kids grow up…could you imagine missing the first 18 months, 2 years, 10 years of YOUR child’s life?!? Knowing that they are here on this earth, saying their first word, taking their first step, getting bumps and bruises, crying, wanting someone to hold them…and you can’t be there for them? It’s literally torture. I am so sad to be missing out on his little life.

Now, when you adopt, you know this is part of it…but after meeting that beautiful little boy it kills me to be missing out on all those little things. It kills me that I know he isn’t getting the proper nutrition and attention that he needs to develop fully. I know that he is in good hands, I know that his caregivers are doing the best that they possibly can and that they love him…but I want to be the one taking care of him.

It’s harder to get out of bed. It’s harder to eat. It's harder to get dressed. I’m not very motivated to work out. I like to sleep…because sleeping passes the time. Now, don’t get me wrong…I am still enjoying preparing for his arrival, I am still enjoying spending time with friends…life isn’t bad! :) But the down time is the worst. When I am busy, and as distracted as possible, things are better. But when I am home alone and work isn’t crazy busy, it’s sooo hard to get and stay motivated. I don’t like to cook anymore. I don’t like to clean (not that I really ever liked to clean…or cook...ha!) We’ve been eating out a lot because it gives us a little something to look forward to. Thankfully, we have learned many a secrets to eating out cheaply, but we seriously need to stop!

Anyway, that’s where I am right now. Just a waitin for those FBI clearances…if anyone knows anyone who works in the CJIS department of the FBI that I could pay off to process our paperwork quickly, let me know. Just kidding. Kinda.

Randomness For Your Friday

1. We have chosen a name for our baby boy....drum role please...we are naming him Elijah Ivan Williams! His given name is Ivan which means "God is Gracious", how cool is that?? I would definitely agree. :) They currently call him Vonya which is a derivative of Ivan. We had much debate about changing his name but feel very confident about our decision.

2. I posted a ton of pictures from our trip on Facebook...nothing too exciting since we still can't post pictures of Elijah, but they are Russia pictures none the less. If we're not yet friends on Facebook, look me up! (Lisa Houston Williams)

3. We are so ready to go back to Russia. Surprise I know. This is hard!! I knew it would be and honestly, God is giving us the strength to make it through each day and we can feel Him holding us up...but it's not easy leaving your son a half a world away and not having any idea when you will be able to hold him again. I have an ache that just won't go away...I'm constantly nauseous and don't have much of an appetite. Want a way to lose weight? Try adopting and leaving your child in a foreign country.

4. The biggest prayer request...well there are several...but a pressing prayer request is that our FBI clearances will be processed so so quickly!! We have completed all of the paperwork that is in our control (we worked on it literally all last week...I mean it's crazy the paperwork that is needed!!) and are now just waiting on these clearances (even though we already have had FBI clearances). FBI told me that they are taking about 8 weeks but we have been told by other adoptive families that they have taken about 5 weeks. Regardless, we know that God is bigger than paperwork and can get those things processed! Please join us in prayer that they are processed quickly!!!

5. We miss our son.

6. I have had to be fingerprinted 5 times for this adoption. How absurd is that?? Last week when we got fingerprinted they had to take us back in the holding room at the jail. There were inmates staring at us through the windows on their holding cells the entire time we were back there!! It was really nerve wrecking!!

7. Another thing we had to have completed were psychologicals. Thankfully with my job, we have contract staff that are therapists at a nearby clinic. One of them is amazing and was able to get Barry and I in to see a clinical psychologist there within a few days of calling her. She also cut us a GIGANTIC discount. Such a blessing!! We had to take the PAI and have a clinical interview with the psychologist. I was scared they were going to diagnose me with OCD or something (I have been accused of this by several people...) but thankfully we passed. :)

8. We miss our son.

9. It wasn't fun coming back to work after being out of the office for three weeks.

10. Some of our friends are throwing us a baby shower the end of the month and I'm so excited!!!

11. We've been having so much fun showing off his pictures to anyone and everyone! I mean, we've shown them to our bank teller, the lady at CVS, the police station, our nurse...when we were trying to get paperwork processed quickly I would show him to whoever was helping and it worked wonders!! There's no way you can look at his little face and not want to work hard to get him here!!

12. We painted Elijah's room and it looks great! It was very stressful picking out bedding and the paint color. I mean seriously stressful. I've waited so long to decorate a nursery!! Here's a picture...the rest of the furniture is still in the hall and we're now trying to decide if we want to leave it all blue or if we want to do something else with it...

13. Have I mentioned that we miss our son?

We're Back...boo.

This is slightly delayed, but we are back in the U.S. We don't like it. We' re ready to go back. The U.S. stinks. Just kidding. We are just really ready to get back to Russia!!

On our way back through Moscow we met up with our very friendly, easy to understand, knowledgeable contact there. There was just a misunderstanding on the way through the first time about where we were supposed to meet up with him in the airport but we worked it out and moved on. :) We got to Moscow early Saturday morning and were not leaving until Sunday morning so he got us to our hotel for the day/night and gave us instructions about how to get ourselves back to the airport in the morning.

Once at the hotel we slept. A lot. The hotel was much more modern than Hotel Volgograd, as well as much more expensive!!! The city of Moscow is just a very expensive place. This...

Is a $40 plate of fajitas. Seriously. It was one of the cheapest things on the menu. We split it. :)

My little brother got married while we were there! Crazy. We actually slept through the wedding because of the time difference. Not many people can say that they slept through their brother's wedding! Ha!

Now that we're back home we're furvently working to complete the next round of paperwork (statewide police clearance, fingerprinting again (3rd time), psychologicals, medicals, copies of house deeds and marriage certificates, financials, and on and on it goes). I'm going crazy trying to get it all done as soon as possible because my child's life is at stake!!!! Must. Get. Back. Now. We're looking at between a 2-4+ month wait before our next trip. Please join us in prayer that all of the paperwork is processed so so quickly and that we will be back in Russia in record time!!

The Last Step for the First Trip

Our third and last visit (for the 1st trip) with our baby boy was so sweet. We got to take him outside this time and while there were a few tears in the beginning, he went to me without much fussing. We walked around for a minute and then hung out in a little covered area they had with small picnic table and chairs, toys, a swing, tricycles, etc. We really have been impressed with the facility and the caregivers there.

He let Barry hold him and Barry got him to smile for the first time!! Well, the first time we have seen. It was the sweetest thing ever!! He did a little talking for us...he was either saying "ba" "da" and "la" or "give" and "take" in Russian...Lena, our coordinator told us he was saying give and take but I'm not so sure...who knows. It was good to hear his little voice regardless of the meaning of the sounds that were coming out! He also busted out into song at one point. We thought he was crying/screaming again, but he was just singing. It was hilarious.

Unfortunately, our visit was cut short though because we received a call from the translator (we were at the orphanage with our facilitator) that the notary office was closing early that day and we had to leave immediately in order to get there in time. We had to grab all of our toys and rush our baby boy back inside to hand him off to his caregivers. We were so rushed that we didn't get to say goodbye, Barry didn't get to kiss him goodbye...I know he's little and it's not like he would have understood us if we had said our goodbyes but...ugh...I just hate how we had to leave him. We had planned on leaving all of the toys we had brought with the orphanage, and that didn't happen because we weren't thinking clearly...it just was an icky way to leave. We did leave with him a lovie, a soft picture book of Barry and I, a disposable camera for them to take pics of him, and a hallmark "All the Ways I Love You" recordable book. Hopefully he is able to keep those things in his crib.

Of course there were tears involved...on all parties actually. I have a pit in my stomach that just won't go away now and need him to be in my arms again. We will have more paperwork to complete once we get back home and some of it is dependent on other people. I am going to be a crazy person if other people are slacking and not getting the job done as quickly as I would like it to happen. Beware if you stand between me and my child... :)

God's hand was once again, all over this visit. Like I said, we got the call from our translator to hurry back to town, left immediately and got to the notary office 10 minutes before it closed!! It was so so close. Our facilitator may or may not have broken a few traffics laws to get us there...but regardless...we got there. :) We signed a book saying that we visited our baby and signed a form saying we intended to proceed with the adoption process with him. That was the last step needed for the first trip!

Leaving Volgograd...headed to Moscow. :(

Sweet Moments With Our Son

Barry here... We had our second visit with our son today and it went really well! Today we started out with one of his caregivers playing with him while we sat there trying not to make eye contact with him since that was frightening to him yesterday. After a few minutes we joined in on the playing and then his caregiver slipped out, and he did really well! He got upset a couple times but he really warmed up to Lisa and let her hold him almost the whole time, and even snuggled up to her a little, despite it being pretty hot in there. It was amazing the progress we made in just one day, going from him crying whenever we looked at him to today where he actually almost fell asleep in Lisa's arms, and he let me play with him a little and didn't cry when I looked at him. Sounds like little things, but it felt like a huge step for both him and us.

Lisa and I both had moments today where we teared up because of the change in his disposition toward us. At one point he had become upset again and started crying, but he quickly was soothed by Lisa rocking him and talking to him and almost instantly he put his head right under her chin and cuddled up to her. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes and she just closed them to relish the moment. A little while later while Lisa was still holding him, I had been just kind of trying to play with him a little and patting his back and rubbing his head, just trying to get him more comfortable with me. He was doing great with it compared to yesterday already, so I wasn't expecting too much, but all of a sudden he reached out and grabbed my finger and held on to it for a few seconds. Lisa looked at me and my eyes had already started to fill with tears, and when she saw that she almost lost it again; it was a really sweet moment for all of us, and I'm not even sure if our son realized it was happening! It was something we will never forget though.

When it was time for us to go after a couple of hours, we brought him back to the nice lady who had brought him in. When he saw her it was like he suddenly realized that she had been gone and he got upset and reached for her. This also may seem like a minor thing, but it was a great thing for us to see because that shows that he has built attachments with those that he knows cares for him which is often not the case for children in an orphanage setting where there may be a different person taking care of you every few hours and so no real attachment is formed and it becomes difficult for those children to form healthy attachments later.

It was also a comfort to us to see how much his caregiver really did care for him. We could tell by the way she talked to him and played with him that she genuinely loved him; which means a lot considering we will have to rely solely on their love and interaction with our son while we wait for our 2nd and 3rd trips to come.

My hope now is that as much progress will be made from today to tomorrow as there was from yesterday to today, and that he will allow me to hold him like he let Lisa today. Even if we still don't get a smile, it will be great just to see him again!

And another unrelated to this post picture because we still can't post any of the sweet boy that has us here...

The views from our hotel room...

 

We Met Our Son!!

On May 16, 2011 we finally met our son!!! After about an hours drive from Volgograd we arrived at his orphanage and met with the orphanage social worker first (at least we think that's who we met with...it's all very confusing). She showed us his birth certificate, a picture of him at birth and a couple other documents. We signed a book saying that we were visiting him and then headed to the orphanage doctor.

The absolute coolest thing though happened when they showed us his birth certificate........He was born on our exact due date. How amazing is that?? It gives me chills when I think about the way God has orchestrated every little bit of this process. When she showed me that date on the birth certificate I think my mouth dropped and I know I started to cry. I just can't get over how amazing our Lord is.

When we met with the doctor it was quite confusing. She was talking, our translator was kind of translating...I say kind of because the doctor would talk for like a minute going non stop and then our translator would say something like "he gets a lot of colds" and I'm wondering what else she said because regardless of the language that does not take that long to say. Anyway, we learned a little bit more about him and then they brought him in for us to see. Holy cow this kid is cute! He was wearing a little do-rag, jeans and a little blue shirt. Oh my goodness adorableness. He started crying almost immediately when he saw Barry because they don't see many, if any men. After a brief introduction they left and let us finish our appointment with the doctor.

Then it was time to actually spend time with him! They led us to a room with a couple couches and a mat on the floor to play on (definitely not air conditioned). His caregiver brought him in and he started crying again...we were sitting back trying to let him warm up to us when his caregiver came and sat on the couch next to us and placed him next to her and then walked out. Screaming continued. I am sure she had to get back to other kids but I hate she just left him like that. So then I went and picked him up and poor baby never quite recovered. We were in there for maybe 30 minutes and he cried the whole time. Barry and I both tried to hold him, distract him, sing, rub his head, etc but he was just a very sad and scared little boy.

As sad as it was to see him so upset though that was such a good sign!! It shows that he is attached to his caregivers, which many children from an orphanage do not have. Once a child has attached to a caregiver, the easier it is for them to attach to others...if a child has never learned to trust and attach, the harder it is to learn how to do so.

We took a few pictures but really spent most of the time trying to get him to calm down and trust us. We never knew spending 30 minutes with a crying child could be so fun. :) It really was a surreal experience...I'm not sure it really hit me that the child I was holding was MY son. I will say though that there was a little bit of a "what's wrong with me, why can't I calm my own child" type of feeling. Which I know is completely ridiculous because he doesn't know us from Adam (speaking of...that saying makes no sense...why Adam??). And we wanted to see that separation anxiety! It still made me feel helpless though.

When we left we started praying that the next day he would begin to warm up to us and begin to trust us! More on that to come! The suspense...

And I'll leave you with a few completely unrelated pictures just because I can...

A newspaper in Russian...

And where our hotel is located...

 

 

Volgograd Baby!

We made it! We're in Volgograd!! We are within an hour drive of our son!!!!! In the same time zone! It's such a crazy feeling...

We flew into Volgograd and landed in the middle of a field, got off the plane and were ushered unto a bus that drove us to a yellow building/room where we got our luggage. It was quite interesting to say the least. :)

After a brief moment of panic when we thought we lost our boarding pass with the baggage claim ticket on it (apparently you need that to leave with your luggage...good to know) we were met right outside by our facilitator, translator and driver who loaded us into cars and off we went! They are all very friendly and knowledgeable. Weirdly, the car we got in had a steering wheel on the right hand side of the car. The odder thing is that ours was the only one like that!! All the other cars has steering wheels on the left...not so sure what was going on there. The driving is...let's say chaotic to put it nicely. :)

We drove maybe 15 minutes through the "suburbs" and then arrived at our hotel, Hotel Volgograd. They helped us check in and explained what the next day (today) would look like. Since they have two families we are having to split our time between the orphanages, so the Bush's (the family we met up with in Atlanta) had an early morning visit and we will be headed to the orphanage around noon today!!!

The entrance to the hotel was nice...the elevators are TEENY. As in you almost have to turn sideways to get in and a maximum of 4 people (with no luggage) can fit! The halls are kind of dark and "soviet" and the rooms are just old and not US. :) Many people still smoke inside and our room smelled pretty smoky and for an asthmatic like me... That was my last straw. I just broke down into tears and told Barry we needed to get our son and go back home. We had been traveling for 24 hours, had very little sleep and were in a world where very few people understood us and we understood them even less. It was just all so overwhelming. After a brief cry where Barry reminded me of all the positives...one of which was that this is all totally worth it for our son!!...we headed around the corner of the hotel for dinner. There are a couple restaurants within walking distance (Grand Pizza, Grand Cafe and Bar & Grill) and at least two of them have menus in English. We sat outside and enjoyed our pizza with the Bush's (it's so nice having another couple here with us!). Our waitress knew zero English so it was interesting trying to order but we made it work! We then came back to our room, took a shower and went straight to sleep!!! We slept like logs and I have a much better perspective on life now. Ha! Now to the orphanage!!!!

We're in Russia!!!

We made it to Moscow with no problems! The flight was quite long but we survived. :) Once we arrived in Moscow we were supposed to be meeting up with a transporter person to take us through customs, ticketing for our domestic flight, etc but we never saw anyone. Weird. There was supposed to be someone there holding a sign with our name on it but such a sign was never seen...

Regardless, we found our own way through passport control (much less scary than I thought it would be), baggage claim (our luggage was some of the very first pieces off), ticketing (we had to get boarding passes for our connecting flight and recheck our baggage) and then to the gate. And we did it all by ourselves. :) Most things in the Moscow Sheremetyevo airport are also written in English and when it wasn't we were able to find help. One airport worker abandoned his job pushing luggage carts and took us exactly where we needed to be!

We are quite ready for this next flight though...6 hours hanging out in a small terminal is driving me batty.

Here are a few pictures. They're not great because it's pretty cloudy and rainy. There's a picture of Barry and I boarding the plane to Moscow, a view of part of Moscow from the plane and the Welcome to Moscow sign at the airport. At least I'm assuming that's what it says...I know it says Moscow at least. :)