New Purpose

So.... I had a God moment last night. I sell Color Street nail polish strips now. (Never heard of Color Street? Click there) I sell Color Street and all my commissions go to charity. This month I’m donating it all to Samaritan’s Purse Hurricane Dorian relief. I have been doing this for a month. My epiphany, God moment, was that I had been selling Color Street and because I could, donating it to charity. I need to focus on being able/desiring to donate to charity so I sell Color Street. That might not make sense. But I need to be more focused on the people that the charity will help and less focused on selling. I need to focus on why I’m doing this, not on my sales. I still might not be making sense. But I was really convicted - I need to be earnestly lifting these lives up to The Father. More important than selling nail strips, is praying for the people! So, I am going to PRAY and sell all the harder with new purpose!!

If you want to help, first of all pray for the people of the Bahamas! Pray for them as they rebuild their lives. Pray that they will find God in all this. Second, consider donating directly to Samaritan’s Purse Hurricane Dorian relief or buy some Color Street! (Click on the words for direct links)

“Fight On, Fighter”

We went to the For King and Country concert last night and they sang the song, “Fight On, Fighter.” That song has always meant a lot to me, but they did something that was powerful during the chorus to represent that everyone with Christ living in them is a fighter. Video from the concert is below....

“Fight On, Fighter” by For King and Country

I was there on the day that you were changed
You were scared unprepared for the heartbreak
Everything you knew faded out of view
Stole a piece of you

If I could, oh, I would be your hero
Be the one who would take all the arrows
Save you from the pain, carry all the weight
But I know that you're brave

Fight on, fighter
Don't let anyone steal your fire
Fight on, fighter
The Spirit is alive inside ya, yeah

There's a part that you hold that you lock down
Let it breathe, give it wings, set it free now
Time to make your mark, break the prison bars
Show them who you are

Fight on, fighter
Don't let anyone steal your fire
Fight on, fighter
The Spirit is alive inside ya, yeah

Stronger than you than you ever thought
I know you're stronger
Braver than you were before 
You know you're braver
Oh, no, you don't have to be afraid
Together we'll face it
So don't ever stop no matter what 
'Cause you're gonna make it 

Fight on, fighter
Don't let anyone steal your fire
Fight on, fighter
The Spirit is alive inside ya, yeah
Fight on, fighter
Don't let anyone steal your fire
Fight on, fighter
The Spirit is alive inside ya, yeah

Our Journey to Find Elijah

I wrote this for something for a friend and thought I’d share...

My story starts back in 2008 when my husband and I tried to start a family. After a year we were given the wonderful diagnosis of infertility. We experienced the many cycles of hope and excitement followed by heart break, disappointment and tears. We underwent surgeries, tests and procedures   We also had an early loss miscarriage (this is when you are pregnant but miscarry so early that by the time you know you are pregnant, you’re miscarrying) that was very painful. During our struggles it was VERY painful to see anyone that was pregnant. Pregnant bellies and babies were all reminders of what I didn’t have. I wondered why they could have this seemingly unattainable dream and I couldn’t. Why was it so easy for some and so hard for me?!? Baby showers were too painful to attend. We finally heard those two words, “you’re pregnant”, in 2010, and our due date would be February 19, 2011. My belly starting growing (early because I was taking progesterone), we bought maternity clothes, felt comfortable telling people at the start of the second trimester, and rearranged furniture to finally make that nursery. 

At a routine 14 week appointment, they discovered there was no heartbeat. We were absolutely devastated. We scheduled another ultrasound for a week later, with a D&C the following day if there was still no heartbeat. We prayed HARD and we had the deacons at church lay hands on us (something it says to do for healing in the Bible). We were excited about that upcoming ultrasound and just knew God was going to receive so much glory when that baby had a heartbeat again. But that was not how it played out. There was no heartbeat and I had to have that dreaded D&C. The looming due date of February 19 brought me so much pain. My chest tightened when I saw that date as an expiration date for food or when I scheduled things on my calendar around that day. February 19 had a lot of pain associated with it. 

We waited the required time and when it was time to try again, really felt like God was telling us to wait. We had prayed during every step and just didn’t feel at peace with continuing anything. So we waited (story of our lives and the namesake of my blog, http://whilewaitingIWillWorship.blogspot.com) Rewind a couple years, I had read a book called “Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches” and told Barry he should read it. I put it on his bedside table and there it sat for several years. Contrary to my personality, I didn’t bug him about reading it. He didn’t want to adopt because he thought it was plan B, and didn’t want his child to feel like a plan B. Fast forward to the waiting period of no infertility treatments, he picked up the book (which God led him to do, not me) and by the end God showed him that adoption was not plan B at all. God was leading us to adopt and it was a perfect plan!

Fast forward again through all the paperwork, fingerprinting, home studies and more tears we were FINALLY in the social workers office in 2012 on the opposite side of the world, about to meet our now 14 month old son. The social worker shows us all of his paperwork, including his birth certificate revealing his birth date. February 19, 2011. Our unfulfilled due date, down to the exact day, month, and year!! Talk about God being in the details. He has received (and will continue to receive) so much more glory with HIS plan than with my plan. If I had gotten my way, I would not have received SO many of God’s blessings. I could not possibly imagine my life without my son! God took what once was such a painful date and COMPLETELY redeemed it. I wish I had really trusted that God was always in control. It would have saved me many tears!

Thankful

I have posted something like this before but I am going to again because it has been on my heart. I am so thankful for the stroke. I don’t for one second think, why me? The stroke has made me who I am. I don't wish it had not happened. It is so true what it says in Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Below is a list (not everything!) of the good that God has brought about or the things He has taught me as a result of the stroke.

Patience!!!

No control over my life - God is in control, God is over all the details (not in Russia, after both required trips),

Gods heart for His children

God's immeasurable love

experienced God as Comforter, Healer, Peace Giver

Was forced to put priorities in place,

closer walk with God,

constant dependence on God,

contentment, peace and joy despite circumstances,

constant prayer,

not to worry over little things,

God gave me time to spend with E and not rush around

life is short, not to worry/stress about the little things - don't let them get to me (I have been through worse, there are bigger fish to fry),

trust Him with EVERYTHING

Learned the principle of Sabbath; allowing yourself to rest and not be enslaved to busyness

Mom and dad moved close by; closer relationship with them and they have a relationship with Elijah, my mom is able to drive to Birmingham to be with her mom

Field trip

Today was Elijah’s first 1st grade field trip. I went...well, me and my entourage. Haha. Ok, really it was just my mom, dad and I - but it seemed like an entourage. You see, I always envisioned going on field trips with my child and being a contributing person - driving other kids — chaperoning. Things are a little different now. My dad was there to push (it was mostly outside and the wheelchair is hard to push on uneven terrain), my mom was there to carry things, run after Elijah, etc and then there was me. I couldn’t do much outside on my own and wanted Elijah to be with his friends anyway, so he either had to join another group or one of my parents had to keep up with him (he runs EVERYWHERE). 

I felt very useless. To be truthful, Elijah kept coming over to me, so I had a purpose in being there, but I feel like having a pity party. Elijah told me that he wanted me on field trips and that I was not in the way. In the end, that’s what matters. My parents did a great job too. Ok, enough is enough. Pity party over. 

Health problems

Oh...sweet Elijah has had health problems lately. He started having a difficult time breathing about a month ago. He takes really deep breaths constantly because he feels like he can’t get a good breath. We went to the ER, pediatrician twice and a pediatric pulmonologist. No one can find the cause so we get a test lined up for spring break. The day after the pulmonologist visit, he falls running face first (hands were in his shirt so he couldn’t catch himself) into a brick paver. He needed another trip to the ER and 9 stitches. It could have been SO MUCH WORSE though, God was watching out for him... I can deal with stitches. Then, the week following the stitches, he comes down with a fever bug (99-101) for a week! We go to the pediatrician AGAIN. (During that week we go back to the ER to get the stitches out). Fever goes away for a few days and now it’s back!! 101.5 last night. 

I sit here now awaiting results from the test that was ran Monday (doctor himself left a message yesterday and I have called him back)... I could be freaking out but a verse keeps going through my mind:

2 Timothy 1:7

7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 

Not fear. A sound mind. I breathe. 

Hope

This was my Timehop picture today, it was taken 5 years ago. And the following is an article about our testimony that was in a local magazine. 

I had no idea five years ago how God would use EVERYTHING that I had experienced as part of His plan. That even in the midst of that He was working for my good and His glory. I had no idea how far I would come in five years or how amazing my life would be. I clung to the hope I have in Him - hope in the promises He has made and the certainty of my eternal salvation. I still cling to this hope! It’s amazing! If you don’t have it, ask me how you can get it!

The Hand

So i was in bed the other night with Elijah in the middle and Barry on the other side. I felt a hand on my chest, so I held it. I thought, it’s not big enough to be Barry’s, it is too big to be Elijah’s...oh well. I held it anyway. A few minutes later, I moved - and the hand moved with me! I was holding my own hand!! (I don’t feel my right side.) Oh it was so funny.

I'm Alive

My "I'm Alive" cake! Yesterday was five years since my stroke, and it was a day of celebration. God saved my life and that is reason to celebrate!! It could have been a sad day, but it wasn't at all. It was "I'm Alive" day!!

The Enemy

I have begun doing a Bible study called The Armor of God. The whole premise is that Satan is going to attack, so put on the Armor of God. Recognizing the devil's schemes is the first step.

Below are my notes from the study, so they don't make complete sense.

Enemy attacks this week:

1. Not having insurance approval for therapy yet, causing me to miss therapy, next month is when I should be walking so I really need the practice. My current therapy is pushing me to walk by October. I feel the pressure now. He attacks me with the feeling that I won't walk again. God would get glory when I walk again (most therapists and doctors believe I'll never walk again). It's already a miracle that I'm here and the enemy doesn't want me to further my testimony

2. There was just a death at work because of a car wreck. Barry decided to ride his motorcycle to work and his phone wouldn't track him the whole way home. He attacks me with anxiety. This is a strong temptation for me. Anxiety/fear is the opposite of trust in God.

3. I found a live baby snake IN my house. I am terrified of snakes. I mean terrified. He attacks me with my fears. He wants to distract me and discourage me.

4. I woke up in the middle of the night with my limbs tingling. The cavernous malformation could bleed again at any time, so I am very sensitive to weird symptoms. The devil attacks me with anxiety. I woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to bed. He was trying to keep me from my morning quiet time, doing my homework.

5. I had this whole thing typed up, pushed save A LOT and it deleted itself. The enemy wants to anger me and discourage me. He doesn't want the message to get out that he is real and "comes to steal, kill and destroy."

The enemy is real people. Arm yourself for his attacks!

Ephesians 6:10-11 "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."