Thanks

I had a revelation the other day. I was lying in bed with my boys for a nap. Unable to sleep, I was praying and thinking.

Jesus always gave thanks in anticipation of the miracle. (See Jesus multiplying the fish and loaves in John 6:11 - "Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish." And reviving Lazarus in John 11:41 - "So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me."”) He thanked God believing (for some reason I don't have spell check, sorry) that the miracle would occur. (John 11:40 - "Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”")

My revelation...All I can do is bring to the table my best, thank Him for what I have and what is to come and wait in anticipation of the miracle. (I don't mean this in the "name it and claim it" way. I mean specifically about my walking because The Lord has revealed to me through scripture that it will happen.)

Right then, a bird began chirping loudly at our window. I believe it was confirmation from The Lord. As if saying, "Lisa, just bring your best, and I'll do the rest. Believe me."

It is worth it

I know I've written about this before, but in my Bible study, Proven by Jeannie Allen, she said those words, "it is worth it". I 100% believe that my stroke and the aftermath are worth it.

2 Corinthians 4:17 "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

Sooo much eternal glory has come from my, in light of eternity, light and momentary troubles. Our earthly perspective is so limited, we see only our earthly suffering and ask "why me?" But if we truly, "fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:18)" we will see it has purpose. The suffering can be used for His glory.

I have been able to show how God gives true peace. I have been able to show how God gives true joy. It makes me think of the song by FFH, What It Feels Like. In the chorus it says, "This may not be the road I would choose for me, But it still feels right somehow." It IS worth it!

Trust

Relearning to walk is hard! I have been in this wheelchair for so long that satan is getting in my head and telling me I can't do this. I know God is capable of anything, but it hard to get rid of these thoughts. It's not a purposeful thought, but it's there and it is impacting my walking. When I relax I do so much better, the rest of the time I am tense and stiff.

I've been listening to podcasts from Louie Giglio (sp?) called "Giants Must Fall". In it he talks about the story of David and Goliath. He says that we are not David, slaying our giants with God's help; Jesus is the giant slayer. And He's already slayed the giant! Our giants can be fear, need for acceptance, anger and, in my case, doubt/can't do it attitude/fear of failure. Call it whatever you wish, but my thoughts aren't pretty.

BUT Jesus has already slayed the giant! Lord, help me trust you!!!

PEMF

Have you heard of PEMF therapy? You lay on a mat that gives off a pulsed electro magnetic field (or something. I don't know how it works). It increases blood flow, gets rid of toxins and allows your body to heal itself. Sounds hokey BUT I have been using one at therapy and I have a tingling in parts of my body on the right side (I normally don't have feeling), I have a decrease in pain and my walking is better. CRAZY. This mat really is working!! Can't make up the sensation on my right side. We bought one so I can use it everyday. (I was going to write more but I have a VERY fussy, disobedient child today. Gotta calm him down.)

Six Months?!?

Isaiah 43:19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. (Found during my daily quiet time. It was not sought after. So perfect.)

My new therapist (who I have actually therapyized :) with for 4? years) said to give her 6 months and I would be walking (with a cane). At first I called her cocky but I really feel like she could be right. I have felt at peace in the wheelchair but I feel like God could really make this happen now.

No one has ever given me hope or a goal before. Everyone is always impressed with how far I've come, but never gave me a plausible goal of walking again. I always knew that God was capable of allowing me to walk again, but it always seemed far off. It is real now and, man, am I motivated.

Maybe that was her goal, but whatever the case, I am WORKING. I am tired. My muscles are tired. But, honestly, He is giving me the strength I need to keep going. It's pretty cool to experience.

On the flip side, I'm scared. Scared of failing. I need to remember that it's not up to me. I am doing all I can, and the rest is up to God. It's in His fully capable hands.

Therapy

Hey everyone! I'm no longer at my old therapy location, I'm somewhere new! The old location SIGNIFICANTLY raised their prices which started me looking at other locations. I had prepaid until august, but was so impressed with the new place, that I wanted to start sooner. 

One thing good is that I will be doing therapy again. I had been doing wellness TWICE a week (I was walking on a treadmill with a harness for 30 minutes and then doing abs or weights). At the new place, I will be doing therapy (walker, standing, coordination) THREE times a week. 

It's hard to explain, but I feel like things are going to change now. For the longest time I've felt content with things as status quo, but I feel really motivated now. I was motivated before, poor choice of words, but I feel like it's time for change. (And that "change" is in God's timing, not necessarily tomorrow.) I realized that I'm leaning too much on my own strength/knowledge. This is about God's power. I am merely the vessel. 

I will miss everyone at SAMC, but am excited to turn over a new leaf. 

Surgery

Well, I should have posted this before now, but I had surgery this past week. A hysterectomy. I stayed one night in the hospital and have been home two nights. Yesterday was bad. The abdominal pain has been manageable, I have a high pain tolerance, but my body is WEIRD.   It takes pain not normally. I can deal with the abdominal pain but the whole right side of my body throbs. It apparently can't tell where it hurts so it's decided to hurt everywhere. Lovely. Yesterday I was alternating Advil and percoset and was still crying, I was in so much pain. 

So far, so good today! Yay! The hardest part will be laying low. I am a bustler!! But I know I need to take it very easy. Sigh. 

I am COMPLETELY ok with having the hysterectomy. In fact, it was me that suggested it to my dr. It's just amazing how far I've come. To praying that that uterus would carry a baby to practically volunteering to have it taken out. God is good!

Thankfulness

Psalm 40:1-3 

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.

I just sit here having my quiet time and I have this overwhelming sense of thankfulness to God for bringing me out of the pit! When I think of where the doctors thought/think I should be...when I think of everything that I (foreseeablee (sp??))) will never be able to do (go to friends houses without Barry (can't get in because of steps), ride roller coasters (neurologist said too risky),  etc.)...when I think of where I've been and the very real possibility I could be there again...when I think of the helplessness, hopelessness, and depression I felt for awhile after the stroke. I could so easily fall back into a state of depression. 

But instead I feel utter peace and contentment. It scares me to think of where I would be, physically and emotionally, without Him - the ONLY one that can bring true peace. Sure I still have moments of sadness over everything I've lost, but they don't grieve me anymore. THANKS BE TO GOD!!!

Parenting

Parenting is hard. I wouldn't trade it, Elijah in particular, for the world. But it's hard parenting a child with a history of neglect..from a wheelchair I might add. I'm not asking for sympathy AT ALL, God made ME AND BARRY to be Elijah's parents - with our specific abilities, strengths and perspectives. It's just hard. I ask for prayers for wisdom for me and Barry and a calm/obedient spirit in Elijah. 

Big week

This is a big week of celebrating for our family. Yesterday we FINALLY closed on our house, today, four years ago, the judge in Russia said that we could be a family and Sunday marks my 4th "I'm alive" day (4 years since my massive stroke). Wow. A lot to celebrate and reflect on. 

It's easier to lean on God when your life is in turmoil, and you have nothing else but Him. But it takes an effort to further your relationship with Him when your life is cruising. I love this quote from Bath Moore's "Entrusted" bible study:

"None of us will accidentally fulfill our calling. Fulfillment will require focus, stamina, self discipline, and a certain amount of suffering."

I typed "sacrifice" twice in retyping that quote, so, apparently God wants to add that word to the list. 

I like that. We have to be purposeful in our lives to fulfill what God has called us to do. Important to remember, because when life becomes comfortable, it's easy to coast. But that's not what God wants us to do. We need to be purposely sharing the gospel and seek opportunities to share our story. 

So, on this eventful week, and always, I want to do just that. Any others??