Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Today marks another anniversary of sorts. A year ago today I was in the ER, not predicted to live. I have been told by many doctors/therapists since that day after hearing what kind of stroke I had or seeing my scans, that I shouldn't be here or that I am very lucky. I beg to differ. I am VERY blessed that God saved my life that day.
But if I am honest I am also feeling...sorrow. Sorrow for what could have been. Sorrow for everything that has been lost.
As I reflect over this past year, I really started thinking. Thinking about the "what ifs", the October 16th's. God does not promise us peace or to ease our anxiety for the what ifs in life. He promises to give us peace for the moment. I am living proof of that. I can't worry about what the future holds or what things that I've missed out on this past year. Something I will need to be reminded of frequently.
In Isaiah 26:3 (NLT), we find the promise, “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, whose thoughts are fixed on You."
I, again, leave you with a couple of pictures. Several are from about a year ago and another is from here recently.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
A year ago today we were in a courtroom in Russia testifying why we thought would be the best parents for little Vanya. A year ago today (pending a 30ish day waiting period) Vanya became Elijah Ivan Williams. A year ago today we officially became Elijah Ivan Williams' Mommy and Daddy. Yay!
I leave you with some pictures that we took on this day..
Sunday, October 6, 2013
I am just so in love with my son. There is no way that I could love him more if he was my biological child. I mean, you hear people say that, but there's nothing like feeling it. He is seriously so smart, funny, cute, helpful, caring, empathetic...I could go on and on. It took us longer to form a connection (due to the stroke) but boy do we have one now. :)
I have thought on several occasions (and that's an understatement) how unfair this stroke was on Elijah. He has to wait for a lot of things, he is in the car a lot, he is still sleeping in a pack and play in our bedroom at night (because I move slowly in the wheelchair and his bedroom is far away and if the house caught on fire I want to be able to get to him)...anyway it's not "fair" to him in a lot of ways but a friend reminded me that God chose me out of all the women in the world to be Elijah's Mommy. There is a reason. She also shared the following quote with me from Mary Beth Chapman's book, "Choosing to See" (following the death of her 5 year old adopted daughter, Maria. One paragraph from the book that I want to share with you right now is from a time she is discussing the accident with her other adopted daughters and they are all crying together.):
"Its not fair, I know!" I said. "There are lots of things that don't seem to be fair, and they're so hard. But girls, God has asked us to do hard. It really stinks and I wish we didn't have to, but this is what our family has been called to. If we all stick together, we can do hard."
There isn't anyone I would rather go through hard with, and we are definitely going through hard, than who God has given to me as family.