This is what I ask myself approximately 5 million times a day. :) The one side effect that I have from being on Clomid is crazy hot flashes…24 hours a day. They even wake me up multiple times during the night. There are a lot of people that have much worse side effects from being on Clomid though, so if all I get is hot flashes, I really can’t complain at all. Just thought I would share… :)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
We now have a new addition to our house…Exciting, huh? My very own personal sharps container…it’s what I have ALWAYS wanted! :) We’ve been just breaking the needles off into a piece of scrap wood but now we can just toss them in here. Exciting times, I know. Let’s pray I can rid of this little red box in a couple of weeks and will never need it again!!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
April 24th-May 1st, 2010 is National Infertility Awareness Week! NIAW is a movement to raise awareness about the disease of infertility which affects 7.3 million Americans. In fact, one in six couples (17%) trying to get pregnant will experience some degree of infertility. The causes of infertility are numerous and can be attributed to problems with either the male or female reproductive systems. Infertility affects both men and women, with 40% of infertility diagnoses traced only to the female partner and 20% traced only to the male partner. In approximately 30% of infertility cases, a problem exists in both the male and female partners, and 10% of all couples experience unexplained infertility, when no specific cause can be identified in either partner.
Check out the Resolve website for more details on what YOU can do to help spread the awareness! It’s important that YOU become educated (which is what you are doing by reading this blog!) so you can educate others! There are so many myths surrounding infertility that we must correct. Myths such as relax and it will happen, infertility is not that common (incorrect based on the above statistics), adopt and you’ll get pregnant, etc. etc.
Infertility is HARD!!! It is a roller coaster, it is emotionally exhausting, it is stressful, it is time consuming, it is a financial burden, it is painful (both physically and emotionally), it can put strains on relationships, it is overwhelming, and I could go on and on!
I know that the Lord has me on this journey for a reason but so often I think about those people who are struggling with infertility that do not know the Lord as their personal Savior. I have NO CLUE how one can make it through this journey being dependent on yourself and not knowing there is a greater purpose for all of the pain. Please take this week to not just become more aware but please take a few minutes to pray for all of those going through infertility, especially those that do not know the Lord!
Thank you for all of your support, those of you going through IF with me and those of you who are there to support me because you love me! THANK YOU!!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
My goodness my fertility life has been a roller coaster the past few weeks. Goodness gracious. So 2 cycles ago when I had the early loss miscarriage the nurse initially told me I would need to take 1 cycle off and as soon as I started my 2nd period we could start another cycle. A week after she told me that she said we would need to take 2 cycles off, so I had to wait until I started my 3rd period until we could start another medicated cycle. She even told us to use protection in the meantime. THEN about a week after that my Dr. actually called me just to talk and see how I was doing (very cool…I think the nurse had told him to call me after I was NOT ONE BIT happy with her telling me two different things). HE told me that we should be good to start another medicated cycle after sitting out 1 cycle. That made me feel better, so back to the original plan.
So then I have my day 3 ultrasound on Monday and my endometrium is too thick. Seriously??? It was at 8 and they want to see it at 5. Sigh. So after hounding my RE’s office I finally heard back at almost 6pm (after the ultrasound was at 10am that morning) and they said that yep, the endometrium was too thick and we had to sit out this cycle too. They wanted to put me back on birth control for this cycle too. This didn’t make me happy, so being the advocate for myself that I am, I asked the nurse if we could repeat the ultrasound because I was still bleeding. After some huffing and contemplating with the Dr. they agreed to “let me” get a day 5 ultrasound if I “really wanted to”. Yes, yes I did. That brings us to yesterday when I went back and had the day 5 ultrasound, and guess what? Endometrium at 5.1!! We CAN do a medicated cycle this cycle!! If I hadn’t PUSHED for another ultrasound I would be on birth control right now!! That makes me a tad bit…OK a lotta bit…aggravated at the RE’s office. So after ANOTHER change of plans we are back to the original plan.
THEN I go to pick up my Clomid at Walgreens yesterday evening and they didn’t have any record of the prescription being called in. After talking to the answering service at the RE and getting a return call from a Dr. who had to re-call in the prescription, I started to think AGAIN this cycle wasn’t going to work out. Sheesh. :) Finally the meds were available to be picked up and I have never been that happy to have meds in my hand. The first day of Clomid is in my system now and we are on track for IUI #3 in 2ish weeks!
Do you see the crazy roller coaster??? How have I not pulled out all of my hair or something? Oh yes, the fact that the Lord is in control might have a little to do with that. :)
A cool thing about the craziness is that I met a fellow infertility patient at the Dr. yesterday morning as I was waiting for the day 5 ultrasound! This doesn’t happen…ever…because it is just my OBGYN’s office where I go for all of the monitoring so normally there are pregnant women all around me. But this time the Lord orchestrated that encounter and we were able to share stories and contact information with each other. Who knows, maybe that is why I had to get that day 5 ultrasound!
COME ON IUI CYCLE #3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
A couple of weeks ago when my brother was in town for spring break he made this post possible! He’s a computer whiz and figured out how I could get this article scanned in to my computer and uploaded online to share! Go David! Anywho, this is the article that my OBGYN gave me that was extremely helpful for both Barry and I as it normalized all of the emotions and feelings we have experienced through infertility. It is actually written for physicians to help them understand what their infertility patients are experiencing. Because of that you really can start reading on the second page “The Psychological Component” through the end of the article. I really encourage each and every one of you to click on the link and read it. Whether you yourself are experiencing infertility or someone you love (me :) ) is…please read it. It does an amazing job explaining the losses and feelings associated with infertility. It normalizes those feelings for those of us experiencing them and it helps those who haven’t understand how those of us who have are feeling. (That was an entirely confusing way of saying what I was trying to say…) If you love me you will read it… :) j/k…kinda… (Sorry about all of my underlinings and circling and such in the article…I hadn’t originally read the article intending to share it.)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
Sound like an oxymoron? I had my massage this afternoon…I have been looking forward to it for forever. I can’t justify getting a massage very often, it is just so blasted expensive, but man do I love them!!! The only time I actually go is when I am given a gift certificate. This one was given to me by my wonderful hubby for Valentine’s Day and I have been waiting to use it until I really needed it. I scheduled this a couple of weeks ago strategically for this weekend because I have gotten into the swing of GPS classes and am not too stressed about them anymore, I had to work several Saturdays and now those are over with for now, etc. etc. So I thought this would be a good way to end the stressful events of the past few weeks. All that to say….I was SO SO looking forward to this massage. I blocked off the whole afternoon so I could just relax afterwards and was totally ready to veg for an hour while I got the massage. I love that feeling during a massage when you are almost drooling (OK something I do a little) and getting tingles all over and just completely and utterly relaxed.
HOWEVER, my masseuse had other plans for me. She talked to me the ENTIRE time…and not just a one sided conversation, she was asking me a ton of questions and the best part…she talked all about her pregnancy, asking when we were going to have kids, talked about all of her friends that have infertility problems and how she would gladly give them one of her eggs because she has good eggs. Now, she wouldn’t have sex with her friends husbands but she would give them her eggs….seriously. The conversation went on and on like this. Me trying to politely give her short answers to put the conversation to an end but to no avail. I even got to hear about her aura and how her mom can read auras and was able to tell the sex of her baby while she was pregnant. It got to the point where it was quite comical. Here I am trying to relax and take my mind off of work and infertility and I get another earful of pregnancy talk! Completely the opposite of relaxing!!
Then I get back home and my neighbor asks me how the pregnancy was going. Huh? She was really just getting at how the attempts were coming but she confused me at first. This is where it backfires on you when you let people know you are TTC. People mean well but hearing “it will happen soon enough” or “it will happen in God’s timing” or “are you guys pregnant yet?” or “"just relax and it will happen” - SO not helpful. I just have to put on a smile and change the conversation but those are NOT helpful things to talk to an infertile about. I KNOW it will happen in God’s timing but when people tell me that it is so annoying. It’s not a helpful reminder, it really just makes me feel like they are blowing off my feelings. I REALIZE that it will happen in God’s timing but that doesn’t mean that every day that is not His timing isn’t painful! Just tell me “I am so sorry you are going through this.” That’s all I need to hear.
Anywho, it was still a good afternoon even with all of the pregnancy talk. Shows me that I have come a long way in this here journey!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
I don’t really have anything exciting to share…just thought I would say hi. :) We went to the beach this Saturday (SOOO nice living 2 hours from a great beach!). It was so relaxing. The weather was PERFECT – low to mid 70’s and sunny. Ahhh, so nice. It was the first time in our swimsuits (I had to buy a new one) since our humongo weight loss! That was happy. :) Go Sugar Busters!
After our relaxing Saturday and great Easter Sunday we jumped right back into the real world this week. Barry is in the middle of an outage now at work which means he is working 6 days a week, 12+ hour days for the next month or so. Boo. Luckily he is on days though because in the past he has had to work nights and we NEVER saw each other! But I just scheduled a massage for this Friday so that makes everything better. :) Does that make me an awful wife that I am getting a massage while my poor husband works such long hours??
My GPS class is going great! I really have a great group and the classes go by so much faster than I thought they would. I feel like there is so much information to cover and we are only scratching the surface getting that material covered. That stresses me out a little bit, but all we can do is share what we can in that 3 hour time period and pray for the best! I can’t believe we are a 1/3 of the way finished with the class now. Only 6 more meetings to go! Last night we covered the material on Grief and Loss. We talk a lot about infertility and luckily I am in a good place right now, otherwise that class would have been SO hard to teach! I had my parent co-leader cover the material that I thought might be emotional, or hard to talk about for me, and had prayed that if the Lord wanted me to that He would open a door for me to share about our infertility struggles. I did mention it at the end of class, so I am praying now that the Lord will use that in some way. I know there are a couple of families in there that do not attend church and I would LOVE to be able to talk to them about our infertility struggles and how the Lord has gotten me through it so far. So, pray that doors will be opened!
And that’s all for now…I have to do all of my follow up from the class. It pretty much takes me all of Tuesday to wrap things up from the previous nights class. So that is what I have on my agenda today - wrap up Meeting 3! Have a great Tuesday!
Friday, April 2, 2010
I mean this both literally and figuratively…let me explain. I was having my oil changed today and was reading my “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World” book and the Lord spoke to me about Sunday! :) The chapter I am reading on is “Lessons from Lazarus” which is what I actually blogged on a few weeks ago here, not from this book but from a sermon. And here the book is talking about the same passage in scripture (John 11:17-44), so here I go learning from Lazarus again! :) So the book talks about how our lives are all part of God’s story unfolding in front of our eyes. God has a lot He wants to teach us as the story unfolds. “For tucked among the twists and turns of the everyday plot are valuable lessons about who God is and how He works and how we fit into the tale.” The author identifies five life lessons that we can learn from the story of Lazarus. They are similar to my pastor’s points yet different…
1) God’s will does not always proceed in a straight line. “The plot line of our individual stories weave together to form His master plan. Nothing is wasted. Nothing is left out…every story line is given His greatest attention, His diligent care. Your story matters to Jesus…but He always has the big picture in mind as He handles the stories of our lives…Don’t get upset when point A doesn’t automatically lead to point B. There are no detours in God’s story line.” God ALWAYS knows what He is doing even when human logic can’t figure it out. He has a plan for not only ME but for ALL of humanity. While my personal plot line might be taking some of those twists and turns, God is turning those around for the greater good!
2) God’s love sometimes tarries for our own good and His glory. I looked up the definition for tarry and this is what I found “to linger in expectation”. God is waiting in expectation to show His glory to us! We can always rest assured that God’s love is always at work. His plan might not be revealed in my time but He loves us, He knows best and in His time He will bring about His plan for my ultimate good.
3) God’s ways are not our ways, but His character is still dependable. This point makes me think of the song “Trust His Heart”. God is faithful! TRUST HIM!
4) God’s plan is released when we believe and obey. “Our choices play a part in the unfolding of the plot." Heavy stuff. :)
5) The end is never the end; it is only the beginning. “The truth of Lazarus and the secret of the resurrection is this: If Jesus Christ can turn death into life, sorrow into gladness, suffering into triumph – then nothing truly bad can ever touch our lives again. Not really. Unfortunate things may happen. Difficulties may come. But it all becomes fodder for a greater work, a more glorious glory.” Bringing me to the coolest thing I learned today…Philip Yancey says, “The three day pattern – tragedy, darkness, triumph – became for the New Testament writers a template that can be applied to all our times of testing.” You can see this pattern throughout the entire Bible, through all of God’s story. TRAGEDY will come in our lives. So will the DARKNESS that follows. But TRIUMPH is waiting just around the corner! “That’s the lesson that Lazarus’s resurrection hinted at – that’s the truth of Jesus’ resurrection would triumphantly prove. It may be Friday…But Sunday’s comin’!”
WOW! We may be going through our Friday but Sunday is coming! Jesus’ resurrection taught us this!!! What an awesome lesson to learn on Good Friday with the literal Sunday coming around the corner! And God is working on my figurative Sunday too!! Sunday is Coming!!
I have heard the below song a million times, but tend to hear songs and even sing along with songs without really listening to the words. Bad habit. I had always thought they were talking about the literal Sunday…I love going to church, we get refreshed and renewed at church, so I thought the song was singing about the literal Sunday is coming. Until today when I learned about the other kind of Sunday. :) Here are the lyrics to the song that goes along perfectly with today’s truth!!
“Sunday” by Tree63
Nothing’s sacred, the days are cheap
Truth is thin on the ground
Still our prophets are crucified
Nobody believes we’re stumbling
It’s Friday, but Sunday is coming
Someone’s saying a prayer tonight
For hungry mouths to be filled
Someone kneels in the dark somewhere
And darkness is already crumbling
It’s Friday, but Sunday comes
Sunday – Hallelujah – it’s not so far, it’s not so far away
Sunday – Hallelujah – it’s not so far, it’s not so far away
Broken promises, weary hearts
But one promise remains:
Crucified, he will come again
It’s Friday, but Sunday is coming
It’s Friday, but Sunday is coming
YAY FOR SUNDAY!!!!