I was talking to someone I work with periodically yesterday who knows a friend of mine who is pregnant. He knows that we know each other and so he was asking me how she was doing. Then he says, and I quote “When are you going to have a Lisa Jr.? (insert my friends name here) is getting ahead of you! You better hurry up!”
My first reaction was to jump through the phone and slug him, but I refrained. Jesus would not want me to punch people. Plus I don't think I could actually jump through the phone. :) It just really bothered me because I already feel like my friends are all “getting ahead of me” without the outside world pointing it out to me. I realize that it is obviously not a competition, but it is really difficult when almost all of your friends are either pregnant or have small children. You do feel left out and left behind.
I wish there was a way to educate the world about how it is not OK to say things like this. How to do it, how to do it…I always debate how much to tell people when they ask personal questions regarding TTC. I don’t mind telling them we are TTC and explaining to them how whatever comment they just made bothered me. But I don’t want to make them uncomfortable. Well most of the time I don’t want to make them uncomfortable….
I was at a work event a few weeks ago and there was a lady there who had just told me all about her boyfriend getting her pregnant and how it wasn’t planned and by her attitude you could tell she was not at all happy about the situation. Well, she proceeded to ask me when we were going to have kids. I politely told her in the Lord’s timing. And then she keeps pushing, asking if we had thought about it and what our plan was. Well, at that point I didn’t mind making her uncomfortable. So I tell her “My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for the past year and a half and are going through infertility testing/treatments.” There was a very awkward silence and she dropped the issue. Oops. :)
So what is the best way to educate people about infertility sensitivity? Is it just being a role model in the questions that we ask others? Is it being open with people about TTC? Is it sharing infertility blogs with others so they can get an insiders view? Is it posting your struggle on Facebook to widely spread the word? I know it is different for each person depending on what they feel comfortable with….What do you guys think?