I’ve been a terrible blogger…I’ve been really busy and…well, I just haven’t felt like blogging. :) I don’t even know what to blog about since it has been so long. Where do I start?
The past few weeks have been rough and yet God has given me a strength to get through it all that I can’t even explain. Last Saturday was our due date and I had dreaded that day since the miscarriage. I just knew it was going to be the hardest day. But God is good, He really really is! We ended up going to the beach for the weekend just to get away and it ended up being a good weekend. A good weekend when I thought it would be the worst! God gave us great distractions through beautiful weather, a great resort, a gumbo festival, peaceful alone time…it just really was a good weekend. We even got our picture taken at the Gumbo Festival by a local paper…we’re famous! :)
The things that could have put a damper on the weekend? We got another negative pregnancy test (2nd IUI since the miscarriage), I started my period and a gigantic pregnant lady decided to sit right in front of us at the beach. Two of my good friends (plus several other acquaintances) gave birth this month when I should have been right there with them. AND I had to teach a 3 hour class on Grief and Loss in the midst of it all. As hard as all of this should have been, I felt at such peace that I still enjoyed our beach weekend.
I just can’t really explain how hard all of this is and how easy God is making it at the same time. Trust me -there are still tears, there are still hard days, but He is so good in getting me through it all. The future is so unclear and it’s scary when I let myself dwell on it but God doesn’t want us worrying about the future so in those moments I again turn my thoughts back over to Him. I know that whatever comes at us He will get us through it…I have always KNOWN that but now I FEEL it. Now I know it through experience, through living it…
I wish I could find the words to express the way that the Lord is helping us through this time in our lives, but I just don’t think there even are words to express it all. No words to express my gratitude to Him for holding me up and no words to express the strength and comfort and peace He has given. Those just sound like churchy words that people throw out but I’m not just throwing them out…I TRULY FEEL them. Just trust me when I say if you don’t have a personal relationship with the Lord, you need one! You need to experience this kind of peace! :) If you don’t know the Lord, please talk to me about how you can have the kind of peace that He has given me. Seriously, there is nothing like it.
I also want to take a brief second to say that I have awesome friends. There were several of you that remembered our due date and I got many encouraging phone calls, texts and emails. God has blessed me with each of you and I am so glad to have you all in my life!