These are some of my thoughts that I wrote the week after receiving the referral...
"I go back and forth between being so excited and falling in love with this baby to being terrified that the referral will be taken away. In Russia, if at any point before the adoption is final a Russian family comes forward interested in adopting him, they will be given first priority. This possibility terrifies me.
But then I think...When we were pregnant, I enjoyed every minute of that pregnancy and even though we were crushed after our miscarriage, I don't ever wish I had guarded my heart more and not let myself enjoy and attach to that baby. God gave us that pregnancy and wanted us to enjoy every second. I feel the same way now...God allowed us to get this referral and for today we rejoice in that.
But then my flesh goes back to...protect yourself, it is a very real possibility that a Russian family could come forward interested in adopting this precious child.
Bleh."
I'm doing much better now but I did want to share the emotions from this roller coaster we call adoption...God is really helping me not dwell on those thoughts that I know are straight from the devil. God is in control here!! We are praying, and please join us in this prayer, that this IS the child God has for us to parent and that He will continue to work out all of the details as only He can.
Thank you for all of your prayers and for traveling this journey with us!!
God is growing your trust in Him... keep believing- He is faithful! Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ashley!
DeletePraying for you and love you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Keri! I love you too!
DeleteI understand these fears, I struggled a lot when we got our first referral and even when he was home but the adoption wasn't finalized yet. God taught me a lot about trusting Him during that season and I know you will see His faithfulness as you walk this road!
ReplyDeleteSo so true...God IS so faithful!! Why do we doubt? :)
DeleteLisa and Barry, I have already attached to this baby boy as I did to your baby daughter. I cried as I read this blog entry as I relate to it so deeply. God brought Peter to my mind as I sat here. Peter never hesitated to go to Jesus when He called to him from out on the water, but Peter began to fear and sink. Jesus understood fear. He was compassionate and saved Peter. I pray for continued faith as we wait.
ReplyDeleteThanks Lynne...I KNOW I do not need to fear, but it's so hard to live it! I don't want the devil to steal my joy though so I persevere! :)
DeleteDelurking to say, your reaction is very normal. I adopted from Kazahkstan and it was blind... I got travel dates, flew half way around the world, and got shown babies. Fortunately my son picked me. I was pretty scared the whole way in the plane... a new land, a child I didn't know... best decision I ever made.
ReplyDeleteYay for delurking!! :) he he he...Oh I am feeling the anxiousness for the plane ride, customs, etc. But it WILL be the best decision I ever made. Thanks for the encouragement!
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