A Special "Happy Mother's Day"

Well...tomorrow is the day all of us have been waiting for, right? Ha! Mother's Day is possibly the hardest day of the year for many women (and men) who struggle with infertility and baby loss. I say Mother's Day but honestly it's the whole season surrounding it. From commercials to TV shows to radio shows to products in stores...it's all about mothers. Great in theory, but for those who so desperately are trying to become mothers and those that have lost babies...it's a VERY HARD few weeks!! There are also many people who have lost their mothers or who have bad relationships with their mothers or who have never met their mothers, and guess what? Hard day for them too. I honestly don't think I will ever be able to really enjoy Mother's Day or Father's Day because I know the heartache associated with such times. Even last year when we were pregnant on Father's Day my heart ached for all the men sitting in church who desire to become fathers. I have talked to many women who struggle with Mother's Day for a variety of reasons and I just want to remind each of you that it can be a really tough day for so many.

To be honest, I am not dreading this Mother's Day like I have for the past several years. I have written about the "peace that surpasses understanding" in previous posts and I just can't explain it but I have it. :) God has brought me to a really good place right now, and while I have a twinge of sadness that not only do I again not have a baby in my arms this Mother's Day...I now have two babies in Heaven this year...I am OK. I do not completely plan on going into hiding tomorrow. :)

I think the hardest thing for me this year is that...I AM a mother and yet not one that the world recognizes. What defines a mother? I don't think it's giving birth to a child. I don't even think it's having a child in your arms. I think sacrifice, love, patience, among other qualities makes a mother...check, check, check. A woman who is struggling to have a child or who has lost a child doesn't appear to the outside world to be a mother but I would beg to differ. A woman who doesn't struggle to get pregnant has a long 9 months full of sacrifice, preparation, pain, anxiety, etc. that begins her motherhood journey. But women who struggle year after year to get pregnant and often go through many painful procedures and tests to even begin her motherhood journey...YEARS of sacrifice, preparation, pain, anxiety...I am not trying to say that women who struggle with infertility are better in any way although reading through what I just typed comes off that way...my point is just that I believe we ARE all mothers. The world just doesn't see it that way.

Especially this year after losing two babies...I am a mother. But I won't be celebrating it tomorrow like mother's who have babies here on earth. People won't be wishing me a Happy Mother's Day (and even if they did I might tear up...so even though I want people to wish me a happy mother's day maybe I don't at the same time...hmm...double edge sword...), I won't be getting cards and flowers and gifts from my child. However, I know that I am a mother and that I will get to meet my babies one day. I know that God has a plan for every woman who is struggling with infertility and baby loss out there and that one day we WILL be able to celebrate (as much as possible) with the rest of the mother's out there.

So, I want to take this opportunity to wish each and every one of you out there a Happy Mother's Day. Whether you are waiting to conceive, waiting to bring your child home through the miracle of adoption, whether your children are in Heaven, or if you DO have your child in your arms...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! Each of you are in my prayers this weekend, as well as every other day.

And a poem…

“Happy Mother's Day”
it comes around every year;
but when you have empty arms,
it's very hard to hear.

It's a day to celebrate a mother,
for all the trials she overcame;
and a reminder to an infertile
of her loneliness and shame.

But what really makes a mother,
Is it just conception and birth?
Or is there something more,
that shows a mother's worth?

It's putting your child first,
in everything you do;
it's sacrifice and determination,
and love and patience too.

An infertile woman makes all her plans,
around a child not yet conceived;
she loves them even though they aren't here,
more than she ever could have believed.

She appreciates and understands,
what a blessing that children are;
she works hard for just a chance,
that motherhood is not that far.

All odds are stacked against her,
and yet she still has hope;
everyday is another struggle,
finding ways to help her cope.

So even though her arms are empty,
she can still be a mother too;
So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”
for those waiting for their dreams to come true!
-RS