Contentment

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13

Contentment. This one is hard for me. While we were going through infertility, loss, waiting for a referral...all of that...I honestly felt like I had grasped this verse and really was living it through Christ's strength. Back then it was only Barry and I that were effected (affected? How can I be 30 years old and still be confused by the usage of those two words??). I could SEE the Lord using our story to impact others, I knew that He really was using all things, even our suffering, for His glory.

Now my child's life is in the picture and I'm having a hard time feeling content. I have a hard time seeing why this wait is in anyone's best interest, most of all my 17 month old.

Maybe that's it right there...feeling...maybe contentment, just like joy and many other "emotions" isn't about a feeling. It's about a knowledge that He is in control and will orchestrate things according to His will. It's about being firmly rooted in His promises so that when we don't feel content we know that the only way to stay sane is through Him and His strength. Through His strength we can face each day content because we are all, not just Barry and I but Elijah too, right where He wants us to be. After all, look at what He has promised us...

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16

I don't need to rely on my feelings but trust that He can and will use even this time for His glory. I pray that it isn't wasted time and that there is purpose in the wait, especially for Elijah. Maybe he needs this time to form stronger bonds with his caregivers so that he is better able to transfer those attachments one day to us. Maybe...I don't know...but I do pray that there is purpose in this wait for each of us.

I just looked up the definition of contentment and one of the definitions was "ease of mind". That's a hard one for me not knowing how Elijah is doing or how he's being cared for, but God tells us "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

In essence, making us content. Casting out those anxious thoughts, resting in His promises, being thankful in every situation, trusting Him with each of my tomorrows as well as Elijah's tomorrows = Contentment. I think I can do this. Obviously not in my own power, but through His strength, I can do it.

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