Sunday, July 6, 2014

Identity Change

My identity has changed A LOT since the stroke. Some bad and some good. Some examples - I used to be very talkative, a perfectionist, I had a good job, I took care of myself - eating right, exercising, etc. I was very independent.  

Now, I keep more to myself because not everyone can understand me and I don't have the breath for a lot of talking. I can't be a perfectionist because there are some things I simply cannot do right now and those I can do (which is almost anything now) are far from perfect. I had to quit my job (I had planned on leaving when Elijah got here, but being forced to leave so suddenly makes it feel differently.) I have put on a lot of weight and there's nothing I can do about it (i still eat healthy, exercise on the NuStep/yoga/treadmill at therapy almost every day...I have even cut the ammount I eat in half.) I have to depend on others - to drive, water the outside flowers, etc. I am now a mother (see, they're not all negative. I can't walk on my own, see clearly, use my right hand normally, etc.  

But regardless of how I (or the world) see me, I am a child of God. God made me and loves me just the way I am. 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:13-16 NIV)

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