Getting manicures

My sister-in-law (who lives in Denver, but was down for Christmas) and I went to get manicures. I was nervous because it was my first manicure since the stroke, really since my wedding.  :) And it lived up to my fears. 

First, Gimpy (my right hand) wouldn't stay open (it clenches and has little control). He tried several things and then had someone hold it. Then, he asked what happened, which I am fine with, but then ANOTHER lady came over and the three of them proceeded to talk about me/the stroke, I know because "stroke" is the same in English as it is in whatever Asian language they were speaking. To their credit, he could have been explaining "stroke"...it still made me feel weird. THEN, since Gimpy wouldn't stay open, every time they would think she was dry, the paint would get messed up. We finally got to the car only to get 2 more nails messed up. Sigh. Barry and I tried to find matching polish but it ended up looking like this....

Bad picture, sorry. Oh well. I apparently don't get manicures that often anyway. 

Self Esteem

I have an issue. I feel like everyone is looking at me because I am in a wheelchair. I feel like I look very different from pre stroke me, when in actuality I look a lot more like myself than not. I am very self conscious of gimpy, of the tremors, of the way I eat, of the way I talk. To be completely honest, I get food stuck all in my teeth since the stroke (what causes this???), and avoid eating in front of others when at all possible. I am slowly getting over it, but I have a lot more work to do. God loves me and made me to be just as I am. My identity is found in Him. GET OVER IT LISA! 

Peace

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

I am in awe of the peace I've been given. In my quiet time today, God showed me that it was nothing short of His peace that He gave me in the hospital and at rehab. Sure there were tears, peace does not mean there won't be sadness. But there was an assurance that He was, and is, in control. 

I now cannot fathom being in the hospital in the state I was in, or not going to Russia to pick up MY son. But I got through it at the time with a smile on my face. 

I describe the feeling after the stroke as feeling drunk. I believe He used that feeling to protect me and help bring peace. It was that feeling and the trust that He "works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) that got me through it all. God is SO good.