We were in Mobile yesterday for our hematologist and RE appointments and I honestly feel like it was pointless to even go down there. The hematologist had no new information for us…basically telling us that absolutely nothing is proven with the MTHFR gene mutation causing repeat pregnancy loss. It’s a gray area, it’s controversial, there haven’t been convincing studies, etc. She basically said “take a baby aspirin each day just in case that helps anything”, but there is no convincing evidence that the MTFHR mutation really has any effect on pregnancy outcomes. Well that’s lovely, thanks for taking my money for that. :)
At our RE appointment, he went over our hefty file with us and basically told us that we would proceed with the same protocol as we used last time since it “worked”, getting us pregnant (Follistim, Ovidrel, IUI, etc.). The only difference would be changing my prenatal vitamin and taking a baby aspirin every day. We are free to proceed whenever we are ready.
It was just a very blah kind of day though. It was dreary and cloudy and rainy outside, exactly how we felt on the inside. I was not one bit excited to be back in Mobile. I had not wanted to come back for a very long time and it was hard being there again. It was hard having to go back to the RE and being back at square one in a sense, exactly where we were a year ago when we first came to his office. Without any real answers about what is going on. I feel like we have made progress towards taking home a baby in the past year since seeing him and yet I feel more scared than I did a year ago when we first met him. I feel like we have some “answers” and yet no doctor is convinced that they are “answers”. I feel helpless to “fixing” anything that could possibly go wrong again and mad at myself for worrying about the “what if’s” because this is the Lord’s battle to be fighting, not mine. I just have to trust and relax that He is in control…yet, I do have to be an advocate for myself too. I am scared to proceed with treatments and yet so ready all at the same time.
Sorry my thoughts are all over, but it’s where my brain is right now. So that’s where we stand. Ready to proceed, if my body is ready to proceed, whenever. I go in to my OB Friday to check on everything to see where my body stands. We will just go from there…