Thursday, November 4, 2010

Blah Appointments

We were in Mobile yesterday for our hematologist and RE appointments and I honestly feel like it was pointless to even go down there.  The hematologist had no new information for us…basically telling us that absolutely nothing is proven with the MTHFR gene mutation causing repeat pregnancy loss.  It’s a gray area, it’s controversial, there haven’t been convincing studies, etc.  She basically said “take a baby aspirin each day just in case that helps anything”, but there is no convincing evidence that the MTFHR mutation really has any effect on pregnancy outcomes.  Well that’s lovely, thanks for taking my money for that.  :)

At our RE appointment, he went over our hefty file with us and basically told us that we would proceed with the same protocol as we used last time since it “worked”, getting us pregnant (Follistim, Ovidrel, IUI, etc.).  The only difference would be changing my prenatal vitamin and taking a baby aspirin every day. We are free to proceed whenever we are ready.

It was just a very blah kind of day though.  It was dreary and cloudy and rainy outside, exactly how we felt on the inside.  I was not one bit excited to be back in Mobile.  I had not wanted to come back for a very long time and it was hard being there again.  It was hard having to go back to the RE and being back at square one in a sense, exactly where we were a year ago when we first came to his office.  Without any real answers about what is going on.  I feel like we have made progress towards taking home a baby in the past year since seeing him and yet I feel more scared than I did a year ago when we first met him.  I feel like we have some “answers” and yet no doctor is convinced that they are “answers”.  I feel helpless to “fixing” anything that could possibly go wrong again and mad at myself for worrying about the “what if’s” because this is the Lord’s battle to be fighting, not mine.  I just have to trust and relax that He is in control…yet, I do have to be an advocate for myself too.  I am scared to proceed with treatments and yet so ready all at the same time.

Sorry my thoughts are all over, but it’s where my brain is right now.  So that’s where we stand.  Ready to proceed, if my body is ready to proceed, whenever.  I go in to my OB Friday to check on everything to see where my body stands.  We will just go from there…


  1. Praying for y'all. That definitely sounds like a really rough day :(. I just can't believe that they acted like that about mthfr when I've seen so many women online and one in real life have success with treatment. I'm going to get the email address to the girl that I know with success so y'all can talk about her experience. I bet it is one of those things that ten years from now...they will have figured it out that is does make a huge difference :(. Kinda like rh negative and the rhogam shot! Big hugs!!

  2. Completely understand these thoughts. As scattered as it sounds, that's exactly how I felt! Sending you some love, praying for guidance from God to show you His will and His plan, and for peace for your weary soul!

  3. I'm sorry to hear the appointments weren't quite what you expected. I know how it is when you get your hopes up about getting answers and a solid plan for going forward, but then afterwards you feel like you didn't make nearly the progress you thought you would. Its in situations like this that I have to remind myself I cannot rely on my emotions and the things in this world - I have to rely on the joy and promises from the ultimate source, Christ.

    Do you think it might be worth getting a second opinion from another hematologist?

    Sending some prayers and hugs your way!

  4. so sorry the day was "blah":( i don't like when doctors just give us the info we could read online or get from fellow infertiles and charge an arm and a leg for it! i pray you will have peace as you decide which steps to take next:)

  5. disappointing that you had to drive all the way there just to hear that! I hope everything goes well friday for you.

  6. So Frustrating!!!! I have been in your shoes and Im telling you Dr. Kwak is the best thing that ever happended to us and only one that really knows whats going on when it comes to recurrent miscarriage...I wish I had found her after our first loss instead of our 4rth loss...I have MTHFR and even with Lovenox/asprin/increased folic acid still didnt keep us wasnt until we discovered additional issues and treated them that we were able to have success...I would really consider meeting with her because like you I seen all these specialist who didnt really give me any answers or hope...but I promise there is help out there:)

  7. Praying for you guys and sending big hugs.

  8. I can truly say to you that I know how you feel. It sucks (sorry for the bad words, but it is true). I've been going to Geneticist, High Risk Pregnancy Specialist and the answers are always the same: Your miscarriages were two fatalities.

    I will go to the hematologist on Nov 29th to hear the last opinion and then I will be done with all this research. I'm tired.

    I hope you can find some answers soon.