What am I doing to survive the holidays? Avoiding family and friend get togethers that involve infants or pregnant people as much as possible. I hate having to do this because I LOVE BABIES with all my heart (and love my family and friends!)…but it is just too painful this year. In past years I have not looked forward to being surrounded by infants that everyone is swooning over but this year I am dreading it with everything in me. After losing our baby…after believing that I would be 8 1/2 months pregnant this Christmas…with 4 newborns being part of one of my family get togethers…I just can’t do it. To all my friends and family…I love you…but I AM going to be avoiding some of you this year. :)
It takes some humility to admit that. (Although does it take away from the humility if I admit that it took humility??) I want to pretend like I’m Super Woman and that I have no problems functioning normally after our loss. It’s hard admitting that some things are just too much to handle. It’s hard having those I love know that I am avoiding them. But I do want to be honest, because my guess, OK it’s not a guess, I KNOW that many of you feel the same way. Loving your family, loving your friends, loving babies but just not wanting to face it all. And you know what? I think that it’s OK to feel that way. I believe that your true friends and family will understand. We don’t have to pretend like we are super human. It’s OK to admit that we can’t handle certain things.
What you might ask is so hard about the Christmas season for those of us who are struggling with infertility and baby loss? Why let me count the ways…The fact that the holiday is all about a baby – songs, stories, decorations – all about a baby, the fact that families get together and you are forced to watch all of the babies and other children wishing you had one to add to the chaos, wishing you could be buying YOUR child Christmas presents and hanging YOUR child’s stocking, getting Christmas cards in the mail every stinkin day full of baby faces and beautiful family portraits while you sent one out with a picture of just you and your husband, Christmas also is apparently a great time for pregnancy announcements, lines of children at every mall waiting to sit in Santa’s lap…I seriously could go on and on. I HATE feeling that way because Christmas is not all about that commercialized mess and I HATE taking away from the true meaning of Christmas…but the fact remains, those feelings are there, those constant reminders are all around and it is hard.
This article from the Creating a Family website is great about how YOU can get through the holidays. I encourage you to check it out if you are a fellow infertile, have lost a baby or really if you are anyone that loves an infertile or someone who has lost a baby. I think it might give you some additional insight on how hard this time of year can be for some of us.
I want each of you to know that you are ALL in my prayers this Christmas season!!
What are YOU doing this Christmas to stay sane??