Our Baby’s One Year Heaven Birthday

I can’t believe it was a year ago today that our world came crashing down on us. It was a year ago today that we went in for a routine 14 week checkup and our baby did not have a heart beat. A year ago today our baby went to be with Jesus. A year ago today I felt like life would never go on. I didn’t want life to go on.

Today, I have hope. I still don’t understand it all. I still don’t know why it happened. But I do know that the Lord allows everything to happen for a reason and that He really and truly can make beauty out of the ashes. My relationship with the Lord has grown in leaps and bounds in the past year. I have been able to minister to so many people that I previously would not have been able to reach. If we had not had our miscarriage we would not be pursuing adoption at this time. Now, I am not saying that I am glad that we lost our baby, but I am saying that God has a reason for allowing things in our lives. He has a specific baby in Russia that he wants US to raise. And I couldn’t be more excited about that.

Our baby is safe in the arms of Jesus and while I still ache that I was never able to hold her, kiss her, watch her take her first steps, say her first words…I am so blessed that I was able to carry her for her 14 weeks here on earth. I would never trade that time I had with her and I can’t wait to hold her one day in Heaven.

Until then, life does go on. God has given us the strength to get through the past year and has blessed us with hope again. Today, I choose to celebrate the fact that our baby has been with Jesus for a year! While it is sad for us here on earth and while my flesh still misses her, what a great life our little girl is leading with the Lord!! Thank you Jesus!!

“Beauty Will Rise” by Steven Curtis Chapman

It was the day the world went wrong
I screamed till my voice was gone
And watched through the tears
As everything came crashing down

Slowly panic turns to pain
As we awake to what remains
And sift through the ashes that are left behind
But buried deep beneath
All our broken dreams
We have this hope

Out of these ashes beauty will rise
We will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning beauty will rise

So take another breath for now
Let the tears come washing down
If you can't believe, I will believe for you
Cuz I have seen the signs of spring

Because out of these ashes beauty will rise
We will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning

I can hear it in the distance
And its not too far away
Its the music and the laughter
of a wedding and a feast
I can almost feel the hand of God
Reaching for my face
To wipe the tears away
Say its time to make everything new
Make it all new

This is our hope
This is a promise
This is our hope
This is a promise
It will take our breath away
To see the beauty that's been made
Out of the ashes, out of the ashes
It will take our breath away
To see the beauty that He's made
Out of these ashes, Out of these ashes

Out of these ashes beauty will rise
We will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of this darkness new light will shine
And we'll know the joy that's coming in the morning
In the morning beauty will rise
Oh beauty will rise
Ohhh
Beauty will rise