Waiting. I seem to do a lot of it...we all do in one way or another...hence the name of the blog. For me, first there was the waiting to start trying to get pregnant, then the waiting to get pregnant, then the waiting to begin infertility testing (they typically don't start testing until after a year of trying to conceive), the waiting to see if Clomid would work, then waiting to see if injectibles would work, the waiting for lab work and ultrasounds, waiting the dreaded two weeks almost every cycle for 4 years to see if there were two lines on those darn pregnancy tests, then the waiting for each ultrasound when we found out we were pregnant, then the waiting to have a D&C once we found out our baby no longer had a heart beat, then the waiting to let my body and our emotions heal to begin TTC again, then the waiting...OK, I went on way too long there, I think you get the picture.
Now...the waiting is different. We are waiting for that life changing phone call from our agency telling us we have been matched with a baby. I have less control over this wait...and somehow that is reassuring to me. Weird, I know. Everything during the infertility journey was not at all in my control, but I had to juggle all of the balls...doctors appointments, labwork, phone calls, shots, medicine, ultrasounds, more waiting for phone calls (there's that waiting word again). It's actually a really nice feeling for this step to be completely out of my control.
The even weirder feeling in this step of waiting though...is that our baby is in Volgograd and we are not there with him or her. I can't explain how crazy that feels...to on one hand BE a mother...but to a child I have never met...to not be able to comfort him or her when they cry...not to be able to rock them to sleep at night...
However, guess who CAN protect, love and nurture our baby until we can? It gives me a huge peace to know that our Heavenly Father CAN. My prayer through this wait is that He will supernaturally take care of our baby...that He will send an angel to love on that baby. While I'm waiting this time my prayers are different...they are for our baby that I will meet one day (hopefully not too far off). That God will bring us to our baby at precisely the right time and that until that day He will care for that baby as only He can.
What are you waiting for? What are you doing while you wait? God doesn't want us to waste the waiting time...He has a plan for us even during the dreaded waiting!
AMEN! I remember that life-changing phone call like it was yesterday. i still get chills. When God is ready to move, fasten your seatbelt, friend!
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ReplyDeleteby Russell Kelfer
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried; Quietly, patiently,lovingly, God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . . And the Master so gently said, "Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply. "Lord, I need answers, I need to know why! Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard? By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
"My future and all to which I relate Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait? I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign, Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe, We need but to ask,and we shall receive. And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry: I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate, As my Master replied again,"Wait." So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut, And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . . and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be. You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me. You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint. You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.You'd not know the joy of resting in Me When darkness and silence are all you can see.
"You'd never experience the fullness of love. When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.You would know that I give, and I save, for a start, But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,The faith that I give when you walk without sight.The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee, What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.
"So,be silent, my child, and in time you will see That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me. And though oft My answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."
Praying for you during this waiting time. I know how difficult that waiting time can be, although our paths haven't been exactly the same. I hope this time passes quickly for you until your precious child is in your arms!
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