Firsts for Elijah

One of my friends, who is also an adoptive parent to a beautiful little boy from Russia, sent me this list to encourage us…a list of first that we won’t miss with Elijah! It made me cry. :)

We get to be there the first time he will...

1. see the ocean

2. say Mommy

3. say Daddy

4. walk barefoot on grass

5. get really, really dirty

6. fingerpaint

7. play in a pool

8. get licked by a dog

9. eat a popsicle

10. eat a french fry

11. fly on a plane

12. sit in a carseat

13. eat corn on the cob

14. see fireflies

15. meet grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins

16. go to church

17. go to the grocery store

18. eat at a restaurant

19. visit a park

20. go to the zoo

21. see his own room

22. get sick and be comforted by his mom and dad

23. see a bird's nest

24. hear country music or any American music

25. wear his very own pair of shoes

26. go to the dentist

27. have a birthday cake

28. wear a Halloween costume

29. jump in a bounce house

30. have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

31. see fireworks

32. fall and get a skinned knee and have his mom and dad kiss away the tears

33. become an American citizen

34. eat a chocolate doughnut that makes a huge mess and no one cares

35. clomp around in his mom's shoes

36. throw a rock into water and make a big splash

37. go to Disney World (because I know you are a Disney family)

38. ride on a carousel

39. eat pizza

40. get a haircut at a barber shop

41. watch a football game

42. see Santa Claus

43. wear a bathing suit

44. become mesmerized by a construction site

45. stand on the corner and watch kids get off the school bus

46. see a trash truck (You have no idea how exciting this is for little boys.)

47. sing his ABCs

48. respond to his name

49. turn a light switch on and off

50. watch a bag of microwave popcorn grow

51. watch you dry and straighten your hair

52. watch you cook

53. watch Barry shave

54. look at you when someone asks, "Where's Mommy?"

55. give you a kiss

 

I can’t wait to experience all of these firsts with him!!!

Two Things...

1. Thank you to all you adoptive mothers out there that sent me emails affirming that everything that I am feeling is normal!! It's such a blessing to have such an amazing support system of adoptive parents around me!


2. I just wanted to clarify...I am honestly doing great. Yesterday wasn't a bad day even...I just want to record my feelings, emotions and experiences throughout this whole process and that's what I was doing. But don't worry about me...just because I don't want to get out of bed or want to get dressed or want to workout doesn't mean that I'm not doing it...it could just mean that it's Friday, it's my day off and I want to stay in my pjs all day. :) This process is hard and when you're yearning for a part of you that is thousands of miles away (we found Elijah's orphanage on google maps yesterday...it was much excitement in our house) its normal to need a little extra motivation!

One of the best things is being busy...it's great to have little things to look forward to...dinner tonight with friends...lunch on Monday and Tuesday of next week with friends...yes, a lot of my "things to look forward to" revolve around food, but if thats what it takes...haha. I need a beach trip thrown in there somewhere...anyone up for a beach getaway?

And on a completely unrelated note...I was going through pictures the other day and came across this and it cracks me up everytime I see it.

My friend Breanne and I were on a mission trip to Hawaii our senior year of high school and there were bed bugs all in our bed!!!! It was disgusting!! We were in a condo, not a hotel, so there was no one to call when we went to bed, so we just pushed two kitchen chairs together and slept that way all night long. My "blanket" is a sarong. One of the adults found us this way in the morning and I'm so glad she got a picture to capture the moment. Good times, good times.

 

Rambling…

I’m not really sure what to blog about…but I want to record my feelings each step of the way, so I thought I’d just start typing and see what comes out.

This wait is hard. Really hard. I really was at peace the entire time waiting for the referral, and I am still at peace knowing that God is totally in control…but this wait is much much harder. I have seen Elijah. I have held him. I have heard his adorable little cry and voice. I have been to Russia. It’s tough waiting on this side of things!

Barry and I both look at his pictures several times a day. We watch the video of him babbling every day. We just want him in our arms again!

I oscillate back and forth between getting exciting because we WILL get to bring him home to sick to my stomach because I want to bring him home right now. I mostly stay in the sick to my stomach side of things. I KNOW that God is in control, bigger than paperwork and will get us back to Russia in His timing, but I can’t explain how hard it is even with that knowledge.

The hardest thing for me is just the fact that we are missing out on his life. Every parent always talks about how quickly time flies and how fast their kids grow up…could you imagine missing the first 18 months, 2 years, 10 years of YOUR child’s life?!? Knowing that they are here on this earth, saying their first word, taking their first step, getting bumps and bruises, crying, wanting someone to hold them…and you can’t be there for them? It’s literally torture. I am so sad to be missing out on his little life.

Now, when you adopt, you know this is part of it…but after meeting that beautiful little boy it kills me to be missing out on all those little things. It kills me that I know he isn’t getting the proper nutrition and attention that he needs to develop fully. I know that he is in good hands, I know that his caregivers are doing the best that they possibly can and that they love him…but I want to be the one taking care of him.

It’s harder to get out of bed. It’s harder to eat. It's harder to get dressed. I’m not very motivated to work out. I like to sleep…because sleeping passes the time. Now, don’t get me wrong…I am still enjoying preparing for his arrival, I am still enjoying spending time with friends…life isn’t bad! :) But the down time is the worst. When I am busy, and as distracted as possible, things are better. But when I am home alone and work isn’t crazy busy, it’s sooo hard to get and stay motivated. I don’t like to cook anymore. I don’t like to clean (not that I really ever liked to clean…or cook...ha!) We’ve been eating out a lot because it gives us a little something to look forward to. Thankfully, we have learned many a secrets to eating out cheaply, but we seriously need to stop!

Anyway, that’s where I am right now. Just a waitin for those FBI clearances…if anyone knows anyone who works in the CJIS department of the FBI that I could pay off to process our paperwork quickly, let me know. Just kidding. Kinda.

Randomness For Your Friday

1. We have chosen a name for our baby boy....drum role please...we are naming him Elijah Ivan Williams! His given name is Ivan which means "God is Gracious", how cool is that?? I would definitely agree. :) They currently call him Vonya which is a derivative of Ivan. We had much debate about changing his name but feel very confident about our decision.

2. I posted a ton of pictures from our trip on Facebook...nothing too exciting since we still can't post pictures of Elijah, but they are Russia pictures none the less. If we're not yet friends on Facebook, look me up! (Lisa Houston Williams)

3. We are so ready to go back to Russia. Surprise I know. This is hard!! I knew it would be and honestly, God is giving us the strength to make it through each day and we can feel Him holding us up...but it's not easy leaving your son a half a world away and not having any idea when you will be able to hold him again. I have an ache that just won't go away...I'm constantly nauseous and don't have much of an appetite. Want a way to lose weight? Try adopting and leaving your child in a foreign country.

4. The biggest prayer request...well there are several...but a pressing prayer request is that our FBI clearances will be processed so so quickly!! We have completed all of the paperwork that is in our control (we worked on it literally all last week...I mean it's crazy the paperwork that is needed!!) and are now just waiting on these clearances (even though we already have had FBI clearances). FBI told me that they are taking about 8 weeks but we have been told by other adoptive families that they have taken about 5 weeks. Regardless, we know that God is bigger than paperwork and can get those things processed! Please join us in prayer that they are processed quickly!!!

5. We miss our son.

6. I have had to be fingerprinted 5 times for this adoption. How absurd is that?? Last week when we got fingerprinted they had to take us back in the holding room at the jail. There were inmates staring at us through the windows on their holding cells the entire time we were back there!! It was really nerve wrecking!!

7. Another thing we had to have completed were psychologicals. Thankfully with my job, we have contract staff that are therapists at a nearby clinic. One of them is amazing and was able to get Barry and I in to see a clinical psychologist there within a few days of calling her. She also cut us a GIGANTIC discount. Such a blessing!! We had to take the PAI and have a clinical interview with the psychologist. I was scared they were going to diagnose me with OCD or something (I have been accused of this by several people...) but thankfully we passed. :)

8. We miss our son.

9. It wasn't fun coming back to work after being out of the office for three weeks.

10. Some of our friends are throwing us a baby shower the end of the month and I'm so excited!!!

11. We've been having so much fun showing off his pictures to anyone and everyone! I mean, we've shown them to our bank teller, the lady at CVS, the police station, our nurse...when we were trying to get paperwork processed quickly I would show him to whoever was helping and it worked wonders!! There's no way you can look at his little face and not want to work hard to get him here!!

12. We painted Elijah's room and it looks great! It was very stressful picking out bedding and the paint color. I mean seriously stressful. I've waited so long to decorate a nursery!! Here's a picture...the rest of the furniture is still in the hall and we're now trying to decide if we want to leave it all blue or if we want to do something else with it...

13. Have I mentioned that we miss our son?