Mother’s Day…those two little words make me furrow my brow when I hear them. :) Mother’s Day…an awful holiday for an infertile. Mother’s Day…probably the hardest day of the year for us. So does anyone else want to skip church with me Sunday? Hands, hands?? The “Happy Mother’s Day’s”, the “please stand if you are a mom”, the “when will YOU be a mother?”, the sermon about mother’s…it is SO not easy for an infertile!!! CONSTANT reminders of what we sooooo wish we had. I SOOO wish I could stand!!! After last Mother’s Day I vowed to NEVER go back to church on Mother’s Day until I was a mother. The entire time I was choking back tears. I really had planned on being strategically out of town this weekend so we didn’t have to be there but the more I thought about it and the more I prayed about it I decided to not let the devil win. By not going to church I was in a way saying, “God, your grace is not sufficient to protect my heart and emotions so I am going to protect myself.” (This is just what I feel like the Lord was telling me…not necessarily what I think every infertile should do. I COMPLETELY understand if going to church that day is too hard for you!!) I did go back and forth and back and forth…thinking, even though God can protect my heart, I also have to know my own limits and that is just one of them. But in the end…I think….I have decided that I am going to brave it. Although…only partially…I think we will head back to the nursery and see if we are needed in there for the church service. That way I can at least avoid parts of the cursed day. :) I am clinging to the below promises…
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9
“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7
Happy Mother’s Day though to my own mom and grandma and mother-in-law!! And to to all of the other mother’s!! I hold no ill will towards you, I just wish I could join you in the celebration. :) Next year, next year, next year….that will be my mantra. :)
I feel the same way, I have really come to dread Mother's Day. For me, I will not be going to church on Sunday. I haven't for the past few years. It is just too much for me and I just feel like I would be unnecessarily torturing myself by going. My hubby and I try to plan something fun for just the two of us instead, and we usually have a time of Bible study and prayer together.
ReplyDeleteBut you are so right, God's grace IS sufficient for this day, no matter what we decide to do.
Regardless of what you decide to do - church or no church - I will be praying that God's grace and peace surround and comfort you on Sunday.
ReplyDelete"My flesh and my heart faileth; but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever." Psalm 73:26
I get this and my heart thinks towards the Mother's in waiting on this day. Church can be one of the most insenstive places on Mother's Day for the infertile....and not on purpose insenstivity but it just happens. Being a pastor's wife and an infertile, adoptive Mom I am praying about ways to help Mother's Day not be so difficult for infertile women. There may be small ways but it's just a hard day to get around no matter what. I'm sorry and I want you to know I have been praying for you and others this entire week knowing what this Sunday means. I love how you are listening to the Holy Spirit and doing what you think He is putting on your heart. I think there is nothing wrong with missing church on Sunday but love how you are really grappling with it and praying about it. He will help through. Try not to guilt trip yourself into going or think it speaks to your love for Jesus by going. You can love Him just as much through your quiet tears at home as sitting on that church pew. He mourns with you, my sweet sister in Christ. And my heart breaks for you too.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Lisa. I am glad tomorrow is my nursery day so I don't have to be in the midst of all the Mother's Day hubbub. Thank you for the encouraging verses:)
ReplyDeleteBrad and I are praying for you and Barry and chanting the "Next year" mantra with you. While we missed your smiling faces yesterday, we totally understand your feelings about this day.
ReplyDeleteSo much love and many prayers are surrounding you both today!
Prayed for you today and looking forward to your next update.
ReplyDeleteHey Lisa! We were casual acquaintances in college and I stumbled across your blog. I just wanted to tell you how amazing and inspiring your writing is and I wish you the best!
ReplyDeleteBetsy (Ingram) Campbell
Hey Lisa, I just read the article on the psychological effects of infertility for which you shared the link in one of last week's blog posts. I'm sure it will help many people better understand some of the emotions and issues, as well as some of the invasive and clinical procedures, faced by families affected by infertility every week. Beth described so many things which the article explained as she and Roy dealt with their infertility struggle before Kathryn was conceived. My heart longs for a baby for you and Barry. I am so sorry for all the miss-steps made by the doctor's office last week. I wish I could protect you both from all the pain. I know you are exhausted physically and emotionally, and I pray for a delightful weekend full of joy! I love you.
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