I had been saving this post until I started a pregnancy/parenting blog. I really felt like, for me, I did not ever want to rub being pregnant in any of my fellow bloggers faces and also wanted to continue the infertility blog to encourage others, so I was going to start a separate blog for pregnancy/parenting. (Not saying anyone who decides to keep it all on one blog is not perfectly justified in doing so, but for me I think starting a separate blog was the right decision.) But I never got around to doing so, and obviously don’t need one at this point now. BUT I do want to document our precious baby’s life so I am going to post the ultrasound and belly pics now. So, here is our sweet little baby that is now in Heaven with Jesus…
And here is baby at 10 weeks 2 days – really looking more like a baby! You can see leg, foot and toes (far right), the umbilical cord (the foot looking thing in the middle), the hand (right up by the mouth) and then the profile of the face (forehead, nose, mouth and chin).
And the two 14 week pics that we asked the US tech to print off for us. The baby was in an awkward position and it was hard to get some good pictures, but these are the last glimpses of our child we will have until we get to Heaven. What a glorious day that will be!!
As hard as it is looking at these pictures and posting them on here I feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity to carry this sweet life for 14 amazing weeks. Right after we found out there was no heartbeat my initial reaction was anger. Anger that I had been extremely sick for 3 months for nothing. Anger that this pregnancy and baby had been waved in front of our face and then taken away from us so quickly. Anger that the hopes and dreams we had for ourselves and for this baby were gone. Anger, anger, anger.
But now…now I know it wasn’t all for nothing. I feel so so honored to be this baby’s mommy. I feel honored to have a baby in Heaven. I feel so excited to one day meet this child. And I also feel honored that even though this came about because of the sin and evil in this world, God trusted me enough to allow it to happen to us. Does that make sense? He will never give us more than we can handle. Never. Ever. (Even though it might feel like more than we can handle at the time.) And what He does allow to touch our lives, He WILL use for His good if we only let Him. I have gotten so many cards, emails, comments and posts telling me how God has been working in their lives through watching what we are going through and I am absolutely in awe of how God IS using our experience to bring others closer to Him. And as difficult as it is to go through losing this baby, if God is bringing people closer to Him because of it, it is all worth it. I love hearing these stories because it gives me little glimpses of the reasons why God allowed this to happen. Thank you, thank you to each of you who have shared stories with me of how God is working in your lives as you experience this loss with us. You will never know how much of an encouragement it is to me and Barry.