Hope

This was my Timehop picture today, it was taken 5 years ago. And the following is an article about our testimony that was in a local magazine. 

I had no idea five years ago how God would use EVERYTHING that I had experienced as part of His plan. That even in the midst of that He was working for my good and His glory. I had no idea how far I would come in five years or how amazing my life would be. I clung to the hope I have in Him - hope in the promises He has made and the certainty of my eternal salvation. I still cling to this hope! It’s amazing! If you don’t have it, ask me how you can get it!

The Hand

So i was in bed the other night with Elijah in the middle and Barry on the other side. I felt a hand on my chest, so I held it. I thought, it’s not big enough to be Barry’s, it is too big to be Elijah’s...oh well. I held it anyway. A few minutes later, I moved - and the hand moved with me! I was holding my own hand!! (I don’t feel my right side.) Oh it was so funny.

I'm Alive

My "I'm Alive" cake! Yesterday was five years since my stroke, and it was a day of celebration. God saved my life and that is reason to celebrate!! It could have been a sad day, but it wasn't at all. It was "I'm Alive" day!!

The Enemy

I have begun doing a Bible study called The Armor of God. The whole premise is that Satan is going to attack, so put on the Armor of God. Recognizing the devil's schemes is the first step.

Below are my notes from the study, so they don't make complete sense.

Enemy attacks this week:

1. Not having insurance approval for therapy yet, causing me to miss therapy, next month is when I should be walking so I really need the practice. My current therapy is pushing me to walk by October. I feel the pressure now. He attacks me with the feeling that I won't walk again. God would get glory when I walk again (most therapists and doctors believe I'll never walk again). It's already a miracle that I'm here and the enemy doesn't want me to further my testimony

2. There was just a death at work because of a car wreck. Barry decided to ride his motorcycle to work and his phone wouldn't track him the whole way home. He attacks me with anxiety. This is a strong temptation for me. Anxiety/fear is the opposite of trust in God.

3. I found a live baby snake IN my house. I am terrified of snakes. I mean terrified. He attacks me with my fears. He wants to distract me and discourage me.

4. I woke up in the middle of the night with my limbs tingling. The cavernous malformation could bleed again at any time, so I am very sensitive to weird symptoms. The devil attacks me with anxiety. I woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to bed. He was trying to keep me from my morning quiet time, doing my homework.

5. I had this whole thing typed up, pushed save A LOT and it deleted itself. The enemy wants to anger me and discourage me. He doesn't want the message to get out that he is real and "comes to steal, kill and destroy."

The enemy is real people. Arm yourself for his attacks!

Ephesians 6:10-11 "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."

Don't Waste Your Gifts

We are participating in Awesome August at our church (a revival, but one night a week). This past Monday night is the speaker was Willy Rice. He spoke on Matthew 25, the parable Jesus told about the rich master. In this parable the master entrusts his money to three of his servants and tells them he is going on a journey and will be back in a couple years. When the master comes home, he found that two of the servants invested his money and made more and the third buried the money and did nothing with it. The first two servants were rewarded and the third one was condemned. 

I had never seen the story this way, but Willy said from this passage we know exactly what the Lord expects of us. He has entrusted to us our talents, time and treasures and we are expected to use them well, to bring him glory. We are not called to "sit" on our talents, but to USE them. To multiply them. We all have time (not extra but 24 hours per day), talents God has blessed us with and things He has given us and we need to use them for Him! 

Recovering is exhausting

Elijah is in first grade now! I had grand plans for my day but those grand plans aren't happening. Recovering is a full time job! I have to OMI for 15 minutes twice a day, therapy for about 1.5 hours three times a week, cardio for 30 minutes every day, floor exercises (abs, back) for 30 minutes - 1 hour every day, walk for 45 minutes every day with my dad or Barry, I have some stroke recovery exercise dvds and a computer program for when I have time. PLUS I have a ballet booty bar :) to practice standing, sit to stands, etc. It's exhausting!! Then there's all the hand exercises, eye exercises...

Thanks

I had a revelation the other day. I was lying in bed with my boys for a nap. Unable to sleep, I was praying and thinking.

Jesus always gave thanks in anticipation of the miracle. (See Jesus multiplying the fish and loaves in John 6:11 - "Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish." And reviving Lazarus in John 11:41 - "So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me."”) He thanked God believing (for some reason I don't have spell check, sorry) that the miracle would occur. (John 11:40 - "Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”")

My revelation...All I can do is bring to the table my best, thank Him for what I have and what is to come and wait in anticipation of the miracle. (I don't mean this in the "name it and claim it" way. I mean specifically about my walking because The Lord has revealed to me through scripture that it will happen.)

Right then, a bird began chirping loudly at our window. I believe it was confirmation from The Lord. As if saying, "Lisa, just bring your best, and I'll do the rest. Believe me."

It is worth it

I know I've written about this before, but in my Bible study, Proven by Jeannie Allen, she said those words, "it is worth it". I 100% believe that my stroke and the aftermath are worth it.

2 Corinthians 4:17 "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

Sooo much eternal glory has come from my, in light of eternity, light and momentary troubles. Our earthly perspective is so limited, we see only our earthly suffering and ask "why me?" But if we truly, "fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:18)" we will see it has purpose. The suffering can be used for His glory.

I have been able to show how God gives true peace. I have been able to show how God gives true joy. It makes me think of the song by FFH, What It Feels Like. In the chorus it says, "This may not be the road I would choose for me, But it still feels right somehow." It IS worth it!

Trust

Relearning to walk is hard! I have been in this wheelchair for so long that satan is getting in my head and telling me I can't do this. I know God is capable of anything, but it hard to get rid of these thoughts. It's not a purposeful thought, but it's there and it is impacting my walking. When I relax I do so much better, the rest of the time I am tense and stiff.

I've been listening to podcasts from Louie Giglio (sp?) called "Giants Must Fall". In it he talks about the story of David and Goliath. He says that we are not David, slaying our giants with God's help; Jesus is the giant slayer. And He's already slayed the giant! Our giants can be fear, need for acceptance, anger and, in my case, doubt/can't do it attitude/fear of failure. Call it whatever you wish, but my thoughts aren't pretty.

BUT Jesus has already slayed the giant! Lord, help me trust you!!!

PEMF

Have you heard of PEMF therapy? You lay on a mat that gives off a pulsed electro magnetic field (or something. I don't know how it works). It increases blood flow, gets rid of toxins and allows your body to heal itself. Sounds hokey BUT I have been using one at therapy and I have a tingling in parts of my body on the right side (I normally don't have feeling), I have a decrease in pain and my walking is better. CRAZY. This mat really is working!! Can't make up the sensation on my right side. We bought one so I can use it everyday. (I was going to write more but I have a VERY fussy, disobedient child today. Gotta calm him down.)

Six Months?!?

Isaiah 43:19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. (Found during my daily quiet time. It was not sought after. So perfect.)

My new therapist (who I have actually therapyized :) with for 4? years) said to give her 6 months and I would be walking (with a cane). At first I called her cocky but I really feel like she could be right. I have felt at peace in the wheelchair but I feel like God could really make this happen now.

No one has ever given me hope or a goal before. Everyone is always impressed with how far I've come, but never gave me a plausible goal of walking again. I always knew that God was capable of allowing me to walk again, but it always seemed far off. It is real now and, man, am I motivated.

Maybe that was her goal, but whatever the case, I am WORKING. I am tired. My muscles are tired. But, honestly, He is giving me the strength I need to keep going. It's pretty cool to experience.

On the flip side, I'm scared. Scared of failing. I need to remember that it's not up to me. I am doing all I can, and the rest is up to God. It's in His fully capable hands.

Therapy

Hey everyone! I'm no longer at my old therapy location, I'm somewhere new! The old location SIGNIFICANTLY raised their prices which started me looking at other locations. I had prepaid until august, but was so impressed with the new place, that I wanted to start sooner. 

One thing good is that I will be doing therapy again. I had been doing wellness TWICE a week (I was walking on a treadmill with a harness for 30 minutes and then doing abs or weights). At the new place, I will be doing therapy (walker, standing, coordination) THREE times a week. 

It's hard to explain, but I feel like things are going to change now. For the longest time I've felt content with things as status quo, but I feel really motivated now. I was motivated before, poor choice of words, but I feel like it's time for change. (And that "change" is in God's timing, not necessarily tomorrow.) I realized that I'm leaning too much on my own strength/knowledge. This is about God's power. I am merely the vessel. 

I will miss everyone at SAMC, but am excited to turn over a new leaf. 

Surgery

Well, I should have posted this before now, but I had surgery this past week. A hysterectomy. I stayed one night in the hospital and have been home two nights. Yesterday was bad. The abdominal pain has been manageable, I have a high pain tolerance, but my body is WEIRD.   It takes pain not normally. I can deal with the abdominal pain but the whole right side of my body throbs. It apparently can't tell where it hurts so it's decided to hurt everywhere. Lovely. Yesterday I was alternating Advil and percoset and was still crying, I was in so much pain. 

So far, so good today! Yay! The hardest part will be laying low. I am a bustler!! But I know I need to take it very easy. Sigh. 

I am COMPLETELY ok with having the hysterectomy. In fact, it was me that suggested it to my dr. It's just amazing how far I've come. To praying that that uterus would carry a baby to practically volunteering to have it taken out. God is good!

Thankfulness

Psalm 40:1-3 

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.

I just sit here having my quiet time and I have this overwhelming sense of thankfulness to God for bringing me out of the pit! When I think of where the doctors thought/think I should be...when I think of everything that I (foreseeablee (sp??))) will never be able to do (go to friends houses without Barry (can't get in because of steps), ride roller coasters (neurologist said too risky),  etc.)...when I think of where I've been and the very real possibility I could be there again...when I think of the helplessness, hopelessness, and depression I felt for awhile after the stroke. I could so easily fall back into a state of depression. 

But instead I feel utter peace and contentment. It scares me to think of where I would be, physically and emotionally, without Him - the ONLY one that can bring true peace. Sure I still have moments of sadness over everything I've lost, but they don't grieve me anymore. THANKS BE TO GOD!!!