Infertility Sensitivity

I was talking to someone I work with periodically yesterday who knows a friend of mine who is pregnant.  He knows that we know each other and so he was asking me how she was doing.  Then he says, and I quote “When are you going to have a Lisa Jr.? (insert my friends name here) is getting ahead of you!  You better hurry up!”

My first reaction was to jump through the phone and slug him, but I refrained.  Jesus would not want me to punch people.  Plus I don't think I could actually jump through the phone.  :)  It just really bothered me because I already feel like my friends are all “getting ahead of me” without the outside world pointing it out to me.  I realize that it is obviously not a competition, but it is really difficult when almost all of your friends are either pregnant or have small children.  You do feel left out and left behind.

I wish there was a way to educate the world about how it is not OK to say things like this.  How to do it, how to do it…I always debate how much to tell people when they ask personal questions regarding TTC.  I don’t mind telling them we are TTC and explaining to them how whatever comment they just made bothered me.  But I don’t want to make them uncomfortable.  Well most of the time I don’t want to make them uncomfortable….

I was at a work event a few weeks ago and there was a lady there who had just told me all about her boyfriend getting her pregnant and how it wasn’t planned and by her attitude you could tell she was not at all happy about the situation.  Well, she proceeded to ask me when we were going to have kids.  I politely told her in the Lord’s timing.  And then she keeps pushing, asking if we had thought about it and what our plan was.  Well, at that point I didn’t mind making her uncomfortable.  So I tell her “My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for the past year and a half and are going through infertility testing/treatments.”  There was a very awkward silence and she dropped the issue.  Oops.  :)

So what is the best way to educate people about infertility sensitivity?  Is it just being a role model in the questions that we ask others?  Is it being open with people about TTC?  Is it sharing infertility blogs with others so they can get an insiders view?  Is it posting your struggle on Facebook to widely spread the word?  I know it is different for each person depending on what they feel comfortable with….What do you guys think? 

Busy busy busy

I have been gone from my blog a long time!  Man life is busy.  Which is good and bad…good because it takes my mind off TTC as much as possible (which is relative) but bad because with busy comes stress and stress is bad for TTC.  There is not much to do though except embrace the stresses of life and hand them over to God.  Which is what I have been trying to do. 

Things at work are crazy because November is National Adoption Month.  Seeing as though I work for an agency that supports adoptive parents, November and the weeks leading up to November are JAM PACKED!  I have been busy putting out press releases and PSA’s, planning several special events for our adoptive families and a conference for adoptive professionals, organizing display’s to promote APAC services, setting up interviews for radio/TV/Newspapers, writing an article for a newspaper, etc.  In addition to the social worky part of my job I also do a ton of marketing, writing and event planning.  It is a very diverse job.  :)

Then in my personal life we have been out of town every single weekend for the past month and a half.  All fun stuff, but it makes the weeks much more jammed packed as we have laundry, cleaning, errands, bill paying, etc.  We have gone to a football game in Tuscaloosa (University of Alabama), to Atlanta, to visit family in Auburn and Birmingham, to the beach with friends…we are in town this weekend (YEA!) and then head to Starkville (Mississippi State) to visit my brother then we are gone for a cruise for 2 weeks!  Man, I am exhausted just talking about it. 

Here is a picture from the Bama game!  Roll Tide!

And here was my view from our 3 day staff meeting at the beach.  Beautiful!

We are extremely blessed to be able to travel so much, I LOVE LOVE LOVE to travel.  And luckily we have friends and family spread all over so we have free places to stay a lot of the time!

I don’t remember what my point was except to say that busy is good.

Contentment

I have a Bible verse to share for the day…

“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it it to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  [I have learned to be content whether pregnant or not pregnant, whether I will become a mother soon or will have to wait several more years…that is my ad lib :) ]  I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11-13

I can be content with whatever is going on in my life ONLY through HIM who gives me the strength to get through it.  And listen to this quote from my Girlfriends in God devotional…

“When we look at the difficulties, inconveniences and problems of life as potential assignments from God, it changes our perspective.  We can decide to focus on what God can do through a difficult circumstance rather than the details of the circumstance itself.”

I like that a lot…I want to look at infertility as a potential assignment from God.  This is where He wants me right now, and I want to see what God can do through this! 

 

Thanks to everyone who responded to the previous post.  You guys had some great advice.  I love all of my new infertility blogging friends!  And the rest of my friends and family!  I love you too!  I am headed out of town for the next 3 days on a work retreat…but I can’t complain…it’s at the beach!  Woo-hoo!  Although, sadly it is right around ovulation time, but I am trying not to think about that and we are just doing what we can if you know what I mean.  :)

Sigh...

So I am trying to trust but I am really struggling.

The doctors say we are fine, we are good to go, "fixed"...

But I just keep doubting.

Back in March when I went to my OBGYN to begin my infertility workup and Barry went to the Urologist for his, problems were found on both ends. My blood tests came back normal, the ovulation predictors said I was ovulating, the ultrasounds showed no cysts, but the symptoms I was describing indicated possible endometriosis, so my doctor recommended a laparoscopy. I was excited about it to be honest, because I want to be thorough, check out everything that could possibly be wrong so we can move on. Barry was found to have a varicocele causing low sperm count and low sperm motility. So the Urologist recommended a varicocelectomy. Without hesitation Barry agreed to have the surgery as soon as possible. So our surgeries were scheduled for within 2 weeks of each other. Go health insurance is all I can say about that. :)

My surgery went perfect...it lasted for about as long as the Dr. said it would, I was in and out of there pretty quickly. Of course I was asleep and very relaxed for most of it, so I am not sure if it was really quick, but that is how I remember it. :) The Dr. found some endometriosis and soldered what he found. They also did the dye procedure to check for tubal blockage and there wasn't any blockage - yea!

Barry's surgery was a nightmare. We got there at 5:30am and they took him back to the surgical holding area at 7:15, then I was alone. I thought I would be perfectly fine being there alone, but not so much. Never will I do that again! Hopefully I will never have to be in the waiting room with my husband in surgery again, but if for some reason I am, please someone come sit with me. :) I didn't hear ANYTHING until 10:45 when they took him to the OR. (He had to lay in the holding area by himself, in the dark, with the relaxing medicine wearing off for over 3 hours! And I was in the waiting area thinking for sure that they had forgotten to page me and the surgery should be over soon. Not so much.) Then I get another page at 11:50 that the surgery had started. (What did they do with him in surgery for over an hour before starting surgery?!?) Then a call at 2:30 that the surgery was finally over. It lasted over twice as long as they had expected because they had found 4 varicose veins, an accessory vein that they had to dissect and a benign tumor (that apparently is normal). So that is what took so long, but my goodness talk about an anxious wife. I kept going up to the receptionist asking the status and all they would say was that "surgery was in progress". I held it together until I had gotten that page that he was out of surgery and they let me go back into a private room to wait for Barry to come back. I broke down in tears at that point, I was just so glad to hear that he was out of surgery. It gave me a new respect for anyone who has loved ones having surgery!

After surgery our follow-up appointments went well, Barry's sperm count and motility have gone up exponentially and my OBGYN says that everything looks good on my end now. We were released saying to try for another 4-6 months and if we aren't pregnant by then to come back and they will investigate further.

Well, try telling my brain that...

At my last appointment when I asked my Dr. if there were any other tests to run or if I should go ahead and see an RE (there is not one ANYWHERE close to Dothan, so my OBGYN has been the one working with me all along) he said that he doesn't think it is necessary. He says that they found the "problems", "fixed them" and now we should be ready to conceive. He said that to investigate further doesn't make sense because they found problems and solved those problems.

I understand that, but I just can't relax with that knowledge. I keep fearing that there is still something else going on that we haven't found. I don't know if that is just me being pessimistic, or if the Lord is preparing me for not getting pregnant any time soon. I just don't know. But it is a daily struggle as my brain wrestles with the knowledge that we should be able to get pregnant soon and then the other part of my brain is arguing with it and doubting that it will happen anytime soon.

I debate getting a second opinion or calling an RE and trying to get an appointment...but then I tell myself that I really trust my current Dr. and don't think he would be leading me astray. But there is still doubt...

If only my brain could get into agreement and just relax knowing that we have done everything that the Dr. recommends and we should be seeing 2 pink lines soon!

Stupid words

Words that I have become way too familiar with:

Infertility, laparoscopy, varicocele, sperm morphology, motility and concentration, clomid, IUI, IVF, 2ww, varicocelectomy, ovulation predictor kits, endometriosis, ultrasound, blood test, hysteroscopy, testosterone, luteinizing hormone, basal body temperature,  uterine cysts, progesterone, reproductive endocrinologist…

 

Instead I want to be familiar with these words:

Pregnant, home pregnancy test, BFP, nausea, headaches, first, second and third trimester, labor and delivery, childbirth classes, due date, embryo, epidural, full term, gestational age, glucose screening, hCG, implantation, maternity, stretch marks…

Just playing around…

Since blogger and I did not get along well when I tried uploading pictures the other day, Melody suggested that I use Windows Live Writer.  I love it already!  Thanks Melody!  It makes uploading pictures and just formatting regular text much easier!  Yea!  I recommend it to everybody!

Since I was just messing around I thought I would upload my favorite picture from our trip to Hawaii this past May.  Hawaii is absolutely beautiful, and the pictures don’t do it justice at all!

Here’s a Bible verse for the day…

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Chosen??

I heard a Bible verse on the radio yesterday morning and had never heard the specific translation of the verse that they used. Here is the verse in the New International Version that I had heard before..."See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10. Now listen to the verse in the King James Version... "Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Did ya catch the key word there? Chosen???

It got me thinking about Job. In the book of Job, Job is described by God as "blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil" (Job 1:8). Job had done nothing wrong and yet very bad things were about to come upon him. Satan had just gotten back from roaming around the earth trying to stir up some trouble. He approached the Lord and the Lord CHOSE Job and gave the Devil permission to bring bad things upon him because the Lord knew that Job would be faithful to the Lord. The Lord had to give Satan permission to lay his hands on Job (Job 1:12, 2:6). Satan couldn't touch Job without that permission from our Heavenly Father. Yet the Lord also gave Satan stipulations on what he could do to Job. The Lord didn't just let Satan go crazy and do whatever he wanted. Then we see that Satan brought the affliction on Job (Job 2:7).

The Lord chose Job for Satan to bring affliction on...this brings me back to the original verse "I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." I know that nothing happens to me that hasn't passed through the Lord's hands first, nothing can happen to me that He hasn't allowed. But hearing this Bible verse just really got me thinking about Satan's role in all of it. And frankly, it just confused me. Here are the questions that it brought to my mind...

• Are all bad things caused by Satan or did sin enter the world through Satan and now bad things just happen on their own?
• We, as humans, have a sinful nature so I can see how murder, adultery, lying, etc. are rooted in our sinful nature...but what about natural disasters, sickness, infertility, etc. that our sinful nature doesn't directly bring on? Are these things results of Satan asking the Lord "Can I do this? Can I make this happen?" Or do all these things happen just because sin is a part of our world?

I don't know if these are questions that will be answered this side of Heaven, but in the grand scheme of things how I respond should be the same way. Regardless of if God chose me to go through infertility or if because of sin, it just happened (with His permission)...I should trust Him and have faith that His plan is good. However that plan came about...but man is it hard.

Ups and downs

Barry and I went to Atlanta, GA this past weekend and had so much fun...until the last day, more on that to come. I love big cities so I always get excited to go somewhere larger than Dothan, AL. And I always like Atlanta, although I wouldn't want to live in that big city. We stayed in Columbus, GA for a night on the way up in an old corn mill that has been converted into a nice hotel. It is located in the historic district on the river with cobblestone streets...very fun little place. Then we headed up to ATL and went to the Georgia Aquarium, Centennial Park, CNN Center, Underground Atlanta (which I do not recommend), watched lots of college football, got lots of sleep, ate tons of great food and spent some good quality time together. Our hotel in ATL was in walking distance of everything so we never even moved our car the whole weekend. I really really enjoy being able to walk everywhere in a city and love looking out my hotel room window at night and seeing all the city lights...ahhhh. Here is a small sampling of some of the fun we had...


Here we are with our street! I am a dork when it comes to taking pictures and enjoy this sort of thing. We asked one lady to take our picture and she said no! I have never had anyone tell me no before...that was not southern hospitality! :)

The two of us in Centennial Park...we are kind of small...sorry...

Barry with a huge crab at the Georgia Aquarium! It is the largest aquarium, I think in the world. Makes me hungry for some crab legs...



Me looking very serious playing "Deal or No Deal" at Dave and Busters! No deal Howey! It was a lot of fun...and Roll Tide by the way.

A little side note...in case anyone was wondering, I have decided that blogger and I are not friends when it comes to uploading pictures...

On one of our walks we ran into a homeless woman (well we ran into a LOT of homeless women, but this one in particular sticks out in my mind.) She was pregnant and asked us for food and money saying that she gets all of her food from going through trash cans. She was pretty abrasive and not the friendliest person I have ever met. My thought process went like this...avoid her (after already passing 50 homeless people who had been asking for money...it's so hard though because the Bible says, "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:40, and yet you can't give everyone money or we would have been broke. That is a whole different topic...) Anyway back to my thought process, as soon as I saw her belly I think...crap she's pregnant, that poor baby, that poor woman, how in the world is she able to get pregnant and we can't? I can't get her out of my mind. I have no idea how she got to be in the place that she is and it is not my place to judge...but I can't help feeling angry at her that she would be sleeping around when she has nothing to provide for this child!! But that thought right there is judging her because she might not have been sleeping around, it could have been out of her control, I have no idea. I also feel sad for her because I don't think any birth mother would WANT to be in that situation. That poor baby is not getting the nutrients that it needs, plus it is living under constant stress and what kind of future does that child have in store for it? What is going to happen once she has the baby? How will she feed the child? How will the child have a place to lay their head? How will she provide safety for the child? The child will probably end of being another person living on the streets. Maybe the state will find out and place the child in foster care...now another child is in the system. I have been praying for that lady and her baby every time I think about them.

I hear about this type of thing every day in my job (I work for a non-profit that provides support to adoptive and foster families) but seeing it firsthand was heartbreaking for me, in more ways than one. I am heartbroken for that woman and her unborn child...heartbroken for myself and all of my other friends who are struggling to have a child, and this lady can?!? Here we all are able to provide a loving, stable home for a child and yet we can't. And here is another child being born into a world that is not able to provide those things for it. I just can't wrap my mind around it. I know the Lord is in control, but...this one is hard for me.

Then the last day of our trip my period came...early...so at first I thought maybe implantation bleeding...but not so much. What a great way to end the weekend. And the awful cramps are just a constant reminder that another month has passed by. I just want to crawl in bed and stay there, but life must go on. Work must be accomplished. Laundry must be done. Meals must be cooked. I try so hard to be optimistic and to trust God with His timing, but days like this I just want it to be all over with. I am thankful that I have learned everything that I have through infertility, but I want to be done with it. I want to leave this place in my life and move on. But apparently that is not the Lord's will yet. I just feel very bummy and blah and cry-y. It is just a "Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" to quote the children's book by Judith Viorst.

"Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30:5b

Pet peeves

So I have several pet peeves, not that I am easily annoyed...but we all have things that annoy us, right? Well here are a few of mine...

• People referring to getting pregnant as getting "knocked up". It a) makes getting pregnant seem easy, b) it takes away the miracle of conceiving.
• People referring to pregnant women as "preggers". Again, I think it takes away from the miracle God has intended this to be.
• Pregnant women complaining of pregnancy symptoms. I would absolutely love to be sick 24 hours a day with morning sickness. Pregnancy puking, headaches, and everything else that goes along with it is much better than not puking and not pregnant. It is really hard for me to have any sympathy for them. I guess I need the Lord to help me work on that.
• Media and the rest of the world making comments implying that getting pregnant is always easy.
  

Now some that aren't infertility/pregnancy related...

• People adding a plural to store names that aren't plural...Ex: "Wal-Marts" It makes me laugh.
• Drivers not using cruise control! It is made for a reason...use it! I don't want to have to use my brakes!
• People who don't make up their minds, or won't share their minds, regarding plans..."where do you want to go for dinner?" "I don't care, where do you want to go?" "I don't care." Come on, everyone has some opinions, share them!
• I have more, but we are headed out of town for the weekend and my husband is literally pushing me out the door!!!

What about you? What are your pet peeves?