Power in Prayer

There is power in prayer, well in the one that hears our prayers. I don't understand everything about it but I know we're commanded to do it and I know it's powerful. I've had several recent prayers answered. They might seem trivial but they're not to me. 

The first one, I was trying to zip up a jacket on Elijah (why he wanted a jacket in humid 80 degree weather is beyond me). After many failed attempts I prayed "God, please help me zip this zipper". The very first try after that prayer - I got it. (This situation (the after effects of the stroke) gives me MANY opportunities to pray with Elijah.)

The second would take too much explaining. Just trust me.

The third, real obvious one (there are more less obvious ones), was just this morning. I had a headache different than the ones I normally have and while I don't fear anymore having another stroke, I don't like the idea. So I prayed, through tears, "Lord, please take away this headache...." And guess what?? Headache gone. 

Now, I am not suggesting God is a genie in a bottle. There are many times God doesn't appear to answer our prayers and there are many reasons for that. But in those obvious times I can feel Him close to me whispering, "I am here, you need only to trust me."

Then God

"Anxiety" has been a big part of my life since the stroke. During our Beth Moore study of Esther, I felt like she was talking to me one night. She was talking about fears. It dawned on me - what I was calling anxiety were fears. Calling it anxiety took the responsibility off me while calling it fears put the responsibility on me. (Now, I believe there ARE real chemical imbalances that require medication but we are often too quick as a society to take them. We want an "easy" fix.)

Using Esther's quote, "If I perish, I perish" from Esther Chapter 4, Beth taught us the "If ____, then _____" pattern. In the first blank you fill in your worst fear in the second God. For example:

If ___, then God will take care of me. 

If ___, then God has a plan. 

If ___, then God desires to accomplish something monumental in me. 

If ___, then Gods going to demonstrate His suffiency to me. 

HUGE milestone in my life. Whatever touches my life has passed through God's hands first and He will get the glory. IF _____, THEN GOD. 

Barry's Work

Barry works a shift schedule - some days, some nights, some weekends - all 12 hour shifts. The upside is more days off, the bad is that he works nights (and sleeps during the day) and misses church a lot (my mom drives us to church the Sunday's Barry works, but we don't get to SS those weeks). 

However, he is about to go off shift (for a temporary position)! He will actually be home at a normal time, be home every night, be at church every Sunday...I'm not going to know what to do with myself!!! Only bad thing is it's temporary, but I can't think about that. 

Yippee!

I talked tonight in Bible Study! Go Holy Spirit!! One lady told me that the way I talked was beautiful because it made her hold on to every word. Aww

"You Carry Me"

"You Carry Me"

Moriah Peters

Feels like it's been miles and miles
Feels like it's an uphill climb
Sometimes I get weary on the way
But when I look back at where I've been
When I look back, I'm sure of it
I was right there in Your arms and I can say

Every moment of my life
God, You never left my side
Every valley, every storm
You were there, You were there
I don't need to know what's next
You'll be with me every step
Through it all, through it all
I can see You carry me

There are days I wonder if
You can fix the mess I'm in
Times when nothing seems
To go the way it should
But then I look back on every season
I can find there's ten thousand reasons
To trust that You can work all things for good

Through the wind and waves
Through my worst mistakes
Through the times I thought I walked alone
You were holding me
You were whispering
I will never leave you on your own

Adopted for Daily Life: A Devotional for Adopting Moms

 

There is a neat new devotional out that I helped write!!! It is called "Adopted for Daily Life: A Devotional for Adopting Moms".  It has 27 weeks of devotionals, and I wrote a week on His Faithfulness. It is written by adoptive moms, for those in the process, but it would be great for anyone! The digital version (you don't have to have a kindle) is available now on Amazon. There will be a print version at some point. Go buy it!! 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00W8Q976W/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1429538477&sr=8-1&keywords=adopted+for+daily+life&pi=AC_SY200_QL40&dpPl=1&dpID=51YJdZwen9L&ref=plSrch 

Argh

I let the devil win last night at Bible Study. I am subconscious of the way I talk now and hate talking to a group (I used to do a ton of public speaking with my job, so my fear is post stroke. I know it's the devil preventing me from sharing what the Lord has taught me). We were talking about God taking something terrible and making it beautiful. Hello - my life! From infertility, miscarriage, adoption struggles, stroke...all ugly by themselves but when left in the hands of God - beautiful!

Logistics

Just an FYI...my mom moved down (from Alaska) right after the stroke to help. At first she and my mother-in-law (who temporarily came down from Birmingham), rented a house a couple doors down. Then my parents bought a house in the neighborhood and my mother-in-law went back home around the same time. My dad changed his work schedule in Alaska to allow him to come here about once a month for a week. 

My mom/dad is our ride to therapy (which I still do twice a week), she cleans the house, stays here nights when Barry is working (my concern is getting Elijah out fast enough in case of a fire) and takes us to church Sunday's that Barry works (we go to Sunday School when Barry is there, only church when he is not). She used to stay here during the day when Barry was at work, do laundry, cook, etc. I don't let her anymore. :)

I am fiercely independent so the fact that I need this help is maddening, but I have come to accept and appreciate the help. I am SO blessed. 

This is good

"GOD made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start. Now I’m alert to GOD ’s ways; I don’t take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I’m watching my step. GOD rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes." (Psalm 18:20-24 MSG)

Recap

Since all of you didn't follow back in the day, I thought I would recap. On October 16,2012 I had a hemorrhage, or a stroke, in my brain stem (the area of your brain that controls everything - from breathing to walking). Barry and I were both at home (this was 2 days after we got back from Russia...thanks be to the Lord that it wasn't in Russia) and he called 911. I was in and out of consciousness but I remember the doctor at one point asking Barry if I had a power of attorney or a living will. I remember thinking, "I AM going to make it." I am determined. My neurologist always looks at pictures of the brain bleed and how far I've come and just says, "Incredible". It's a miracle. 

The brain bleed was due to a cavernous malformation, a brain abnormality that I was born with, knew nothing about,and  which normally would be operated on, but it is too dangerous, due to its location (deep in the brain stem). Sometimes these things never bleed (and people don't even know they have them), sometimes they bleed once/twice, etc There is no way to predict what mine will do. (Please join me in prayer that mine will NEVER rupture again!)

The stroke caused, and I still deal with, no feeling on the entire right side of my body, increased tone and constant muscle jerking on the right side, inability to walk or use my right hand properly, double vision, nystagmus (both my eyes constantly move up and down rapidly), poor balance, constant headaches ....

Now, I'm not complaining - I could be dead! - just telling it like it is. LOTS of opportunities for prayer and leaning on Him. 

To whom it may concern

To whom it may concern:

Oh how I hate people feeling sorry for me! I despise people staring at me. I need to get over that, but oh how it makes me uncomfortable. You're either trying to figure out what happened or feeling pity. I want neither. I want to be treated as a normal human. Don't baby me. Don't pity me. Don't stare at me. 

Thank you

:)

Why?

The "weird" thing (not really weird when God is involved) about "why?" Is that I honestly don't ask it about the stroke anymore. Now, I did in the beginning, but I don't anymore, I am content. The closer I get to the Lord, and the more I see little bits of the "why", the less I wonder and the more I simply trust. Trust that He will receive glory in this. Trust that He allowed the stroke for a reason. Trust that He saved my life for a purpose. Trust Him. 

Normal

I feel normal. I might not look "normal" or do things "normal" but I feel "normal". I can do about anything I set my mind to (except standing/walking by myself and driving). 

I can do my own makeup (sans eyeliner). I cook dinner (with the crockpot). I workout (on the NuStep). I take showers by myself. I open packages. I stay home with Elijah. I get around the house. I get myself dressed. Put on my own shoes. Unload/load the dishwasher. I do laundry. I get in and out of bed. 

These things take me longer and I might do them in a different way, but I do them (and I hate help...well except from Elijah because I am teaching him). It is weird to me to hear the words "handicap" or even "wheelchair" in reference to me because that is not how I see myself. I see Lisa. I see me.