I wish I didn't have to be writing this

So, I have played around with the idea of starting a blog for awhile, but needed an outlet today and here I am. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for about a year and a half now and it just simply does not get easier as the days go by. You think you are handling it well and then something comes up and you fall apart. That was me today. I found out a friend is pregnant after missing one birth control pill and here we are TRYING desperately for a year and a half and nothing. Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes, and yet the Lord doesn't promise us life will be easy. He tells us we will have trials, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds." James 1:2 But it is very hard to consider it joy when we are going through tough times.

Our story...I have always wanted children. Ever since I was little and all of my friends were playing "wedding", I played daycare and mommy. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, it was "a mommy". I carried a baby doll around until, embarrassingly, about 8th grade. After we got married I left it up to my husband to decide when it was time to start trying to get pregnant. I was ready at any point. After about a year and a half of marriage he said that he thought it was time. Yea! In the back of my mind I always wondered if we would have infertility problems, but you never REALLY think it would happen to you.

At the 6 month mark I started really having doubts and concerns. I had seen my OBGYN and he had told me to not worry and at a year we would pursue other testing. Well that year came and my husband and I both started going through test after test. Blood work and semen analysis, ultrasounds and more blood work, exams, etc. My husband was found to have a varicocele, decreasing his sperm count and requiring surgery. My doctor recommended I have exploratory surgery to check for endometriosis and tubal blockage. The varicocele was taken care of after several hours of nervewracking (on my part) surgery and they found endometriosis for me and cleaned that out. So now it is basically more and more and more waiting. We are both "good to go" now and my doctor recommends we just keep trying. That is the HARDEST part. I feel much better doing SOMETHING to help our odds, but this waiting is awful.

That is it in an extremely small nutshell...more details to come I am sure. The Lord has taught me so much through all of this and I expect to learn more to come. My prayer through all of this is that if the Lord is allowing us to go through these tough times it has to be for some reason. I may or may not know that reason this side of heaven, but I want to learn whatever the Lord is teaching and I want to be used by the Lord for His purpose. That is part of the reason I decided to start this blog. I have received so much comfort from the Lord that I want to be able to help someone else who is going through their own struggles. "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 My prayer is that the Lord will be able to speak through me to help you through your trials too.

So, stick with me, I have never blogged before but really feel the Lord calling me to do this. Hopefully we will learn more about this whole waiting thing together (whether you are waiting for a baby or for something else in life) and come out on the other side with perseverance, character and hope. "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5