Wednesday, March 17, 2010

“Wonderful Mother” Controversy

I want to clarify/expound on the previous quote I posted yesterday.  I had a commenter (that again I can’t reply to directly) with a different viewpoint, comment that the quote was “pompous” among other things.  I would like to express my thoughts on the matter.

The intent of the quote in my eyes is that women who experience infertility will be better mothers than if they hadn’t experienced infertility.  It does not mean that we will be better mothers than someone who has not experienced infertility.  The quote is saying that parents who struggle with infertility do learn to really appreciate their children and the blessings in their lives.  “Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.”  This is SO true!  The person who finishes college without having to work hard would probably not appreciate their degree as much as they would if they had had to study non stop, work at improving their grades, etc.  The person who works hard to save up enough money to buy their first car is going to appreciate that car more than they would if their parents bought them that car.  The person who has never had financial problems probably is not going to appreciate being able to pay their bills every month as much as they would if they had gone months where they couldn’t pay their bills.  We take so much for granted, and unless you truly work for something, experience pain to attain that goal and sometimes shed blood sweat and tears - I don’t think we ever truly appreciate the end result. (Sometimes this appreciation comes from watching others experiencing pain and shedding blood and tears and realizing the blessings in our own lives.) Not saying that it can’t happen other ways, but infertility is one of the ways that can bring about that appreciation towards your children. 

Any time we go through struggles in life we can become bitter or better.  We’ve all heard that before, right?  Well it is true.  Infertility as well as other struggles…personal sickness, watching a family member suffer through cancer, losing a close friend, financial troubles, having a child in the hospital…all of these are struggles that you can either choose to learn and grow from or you can become bitter.  When you choose to learn through your struggles, make the most of them, know that the Lord has allowed those things to happen for a reason…you really start to appreciate what you have been given and become a better person. 

From a Biblical perspective…

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Romans 5:3-4

Even the Bible tells us that the trials and sufferings in our life can help us refine our faith and grow into a better person.  AND the Bible says…

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Through our struggles and trials not only do we ourselves become refined but we are taught how to interact and comfort others!  This helps in our interactions with others because we are able to empathize with their pain and suffering.

Pain, suffering and trials can help you truly learn to appreciate all of the little things in life and all that you have been blessed with.  It will teach you to appreciate being able to pay your bills, waking up in the middle of the night with a crying baby, eat 3 meals a day, have a roof over your head, not be in the hospital…And when you can truly appreciate all of these little things I think you will be a “Wonderful Mother”.


  1. Absolutely! I love the post previous to this one...and your responce to the controversy that arose from it! And as a responce to that, I realize that childbirth is painful but don't talk like infertility does not bring on physical pain too...and it doesn't always end up with a beautiful baby in my arms.

  2. I have posted that quote on my blog, and I have to say (admit?) that I have always thought of it to mean that I would be a better mother than others. Maybe that makes me egotistical or pompous. And I actually do love your reflection that you take it to mean that you'd be a better mother than if you hadn't experienced infertility. But, to put it bluntly, I think that infertility does make you a better mother (in some areas) than people who don't have to try. I think you're a better mom when you don't take your kids for granted, compared to moms who think their kids are easily-gained commodities, and that is only one example.... (And I'm not saying that ALL moms who conceive easily take their kids for granted, but I can definitely name a few friends who do....and it breaks my freakin heart....)

  3. Well said Lisa! By the way I love the "new look" of your blog. It's very pretty!

  4. I found your blog through Amy and Kaz's blog and thought I'd say hi. I've read on down your posts and I can so relate with you. My husband and I were married in 06 and have been TTC since 08. This week I had my first miscarriage and it's just hard. I know God has a plan. I've appreciated reading your posts. Thanks.

  5. Very well said Lisa! I was thinking about this today and the verse that came to mind was 1 Thes 5:18 where it says to give thanks in all circumstances. It is not that getting up in the middle of the night, etc isn't hard, but there is such an appreciation for the child, having hoped and prayed for them for so long, that you are able to give thanks and rejoice rather than complain even when motherhood is difficult (I know not everyone who hasn't struggled with infertility complains about their kids, but a lot do).

    And I agree with Shonda - love the new look of the blog!

  6. You have very good points in this post...:-). I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions about your view on the quote itself. This post helped me to see the quote from another angle, too--a much more positive and humble angle. Again, I'm sorry about the misunderstanding....

  7. I had to go back on post again on this comment after I read an article in People Magazine this week. I know, of all things People Magazine, but it fits. There is an article in the week of March 29, 2010 on Guiliana and Bill Rancic and their Inferitility struggles. Guiliana made the comment in the article that "I think this experience was meant to be, Now I will appreciate it more". This totally reminded me of the previous post and this post. There must be something regarding the experience and struggles that definately makes one appreciate it more. Know that you are not the only one who feels this way and like I said before it can apply to any situation in life. Happy Reading!