God is Still Faithful

(Guest blogger – Barry)

The past week has been the hardest that I, we, ever remember, and despite the hardships of the infertility journey thus far, we never anticipated as sudden a change of plans as this.  From one minute, laughing about trying to talk our doctor into another ultrasound (even though they don’t usually do one at 14 weeks) to a bit of anxiety when the portable Doppler couldn’t find the heartbeat, to what seemed like the longest minute of our lives as we watched and listened to the ultrasound, longing to hear and see what had been there the previous three ultrasounds.

Reliving this on “paper” is not easy, although it is very vivid in my mind, but I recap that appointment to say that just throughout the course of this week, we have felt the presence of the Lord like never before.  The prayers of family and friends, words of encouragement, and kind gestures like bringing meals at just the right time has meant the world to Lisa and I, and truly told us that we were not in this alone. 

As we began to recap last Sunday’s sermon, and change the focus of our prayers from mourning our loss to asking for a miracle, a peace began to come over us that neither of us can understand, but we know where it is from because the Bible clearly tells us (Phil 4:7).  We knew that regardless of what the ultimate will of God was, to pray for healing as we did on Sunday night with many many faithful believers (James 5:14-15), was in obedience to His word, and would glorify Him.  We and all of the people in that room at the church (there must have been at least 20) believed, and still believe, that God is capable of performing miraculous things, just as He has done many times throughout history.  That is why I think that even though it was not in His will for us to find that heartbeat today, He has something special in store for us that we have no idea about yet.  We will probably never know all of the far reaching effects of this experience, but just in a matter of days, our relationships with the Lord have been strengthened, other people have told us how their lives have been touched, and we have experienced the love of our family and friends like never before. 

Tomorrow morning, very early, we will be going in for the D&C procedure, which will be both physically and emotionally challenging, but we know that the Lord is in control of all things, and we have no doubt that He will be with us through this as well. 

Our pastor said in one of his sermons, “When we have nothing but God, we realize that God is all we need, and when we realize that, He is all we want.”  Please don’t misinterpret what I mean by this, because we know that we are so blessed in so many ways, however, losing a child, and all the hopes and dreams that go along with that, has made us realize how true this statement is, and puts many of life’s day to day “struggles” into perspective.  So many blessings get taken for granted, and I am as guilty as any of this, especially during times of triumph.  This week has shown us that if your hope is in the Lord, you will never be let down, no matter what falls apart around you. 

God is faithful, and he loves us and wants what is best for His children.  As long as we keep our focus on him, even when we don’t understand, I know that amazing things will happen, in His time.

“Faithful” by Steven Curtis Chapman

I am broken
I am bleeding
I am scared and I’m confused
But You are faithful
Yes you are faithful

I am weary
Unbelieving
God please help my unbelief
Cuz You are faithful
Yes you are faithful

I will proclaim it to the world
I will declare it to my heart
Sing it when the sun is shining
I will scream it in the dark

You are faithful
You are faithful
When You give and when You take away
Even then still your name remains
Faithful
You are faithful
And with everything inside of me
I am choosing to believe
You are faithful

I am waiting for the rescue
That I know is sure to come
Cuz You are faithful
Yes You are faithful

I’ve dropped anchor in Your promises
And I am holding on
Cuz You are faithful
God, You are faithful

I will proclaim it to the world
I will declare it to my heart
Sing it when the sun is shining
I will scream it in the dark

You are faithful
You are faithful
When You give and when You take away
Even then still your name remains
Faithful
You are faithful
And with everything inside of me
I am choosing to believe
You’re faithful

So faithful

When I cannot have the answers
And I’m wanting to demand
I’ll remember you are God
And everything is in Your hands

With Your hands you put the sun and moon
And stars up in the sky
For the sake of love
You hung your own Son on the cross to die

You are faithful
Yes, You are faithful
When You give; when You take away
Even then great is your faithfulness
Great is your faithfulness
And with everything inside of me
I am choosing to believe

You are faithful
Ohhh
When You give and when You take away
Even then still your name is
Faithful

You are faithful
And with everything inside of me
I am choosing to believe
You are faithful

 

You can listen to the song here.