Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Post Surgery Update

I am utterly amazed and in awe at the peace the Lord has brought me today.  I dreaded this day with everything in me and was crying as we left the house this morning not wanting to go.  But God surrounded me with His peace like I have never felt before.  Sure there were still tears shed, but I have been at such peace there is absolutely no explanation for it than my Heavenly Father answering the prayers from each of you.

We got to the hospital bright and early at 5am this morning and since I was one of the first people there they took me back almost immediately to a room.  They got me all doped up on medicine (Zofran for nausea, Pepcid to get rid of stomach acid and Reglin for something to do with the stomach) then sent me on to the pre-op area.  They put in my IV there and got me started on some Versed, which did not make me “relax” like it claims it will and has done for me in the past.  My nurse in that area was very sensitive and he told me that he was really sorry for our loss.  Several random people came in and out doing various things prepping me for surgery and the only thing that I really hated about that is that each new person asked what procedure I was having performed today.  I guess it’s their way of trying to prevent errors (each of them also asked my name and birth date and compared it to my wristband), but having to say over and over that I was having a D&C was quite difficult.  I have had surgery several times before so I was very familiar with all of the procedures and protocol, but today’s purpose was so different than all of my other surgeries. I did keep thinking, last time I had surgery here I was having surgery to help get me pregnant (my laparoscopy last year) and now this surgery is to get me not pregnant.  That was also difficult to stomach.

After last Tuesday when we saw no heartbeat I had stopped touching my stomach, looking at it in the mirror, etc.  But I am blessed that God brought a fellow infertility/loss blogger to my blog and she shared with me that she came to see those days as God giving her a few more days to hold her baby.  I am so glad that she shared that with me and allowed me to look at it that way.  After I read her comment, Barry and I both have been touching and holding my belly, treasuring our last few days with our baby.  We know that our baby is in Heaven, but we do feel blessed to have had every single day with that little one, even those days after we knew that little life was not there anymore.  I spent the morning treasuring those last few moments holding my belly.

After they took me back to surgery I was given the general anesthetic pretty quickly and obviously do not remember anything until waking up in recovery.  The surgery itself only took about 30 minutes.  I was really crampy and I was shaking when I woke up but they got some Demerol in my IV and in a matter of seconds my body was able to relax. I had another sweet nurse that was stroking my head when I opened my eyes for the first time.  I starting crying when I realized where I was, and that the surgery was over and my sweet nurse started tearing up with me.  She had a baby that only lived for 9 days and told me that she could understand my pain.  She stood there stroking my head, feeding me ice chips and talking to me until it was time for me to leave.  We talked about God’s plan and how He was in control. God placed her in my path for reason, I really needed that compassionate touch and reminder of His love at that time and will always remember that nurse.

Once I got back down to the outpatient surgery room and my dear hubby, that same nurse gave me a huge hug before she left.  I was in more pain at that point so I was given some Percocet and finally got to drink and eat something.  In case you don’t know me in real life, I am always always hungry…especially with pregnancy hormones still surging through my body, going without food for so long was very difficult.  But I got some saltines, graham crackers and a coke in me.  It was my first time drinking a coke since December because of Sugar Busters and then because I was an anal “don’t drink caffeine while pregnant” girl.  It made me sad to be able to drink a coke, but God was strengthening me so much that it didn’t make me cry.  Just made me sad in a nostalgic way.  As soon as I could get up and use the restroom we were on our way back home where I then took a Loritab because I was starting to hurt again a little by that point.  My goodness there were a lot of drugs in my system today…

That was a lot of details about the day, and you are a trooper if you are still reading.  Maybe it’s the drugs making me think that everyone cares about all those little details… :)

Throughout the entire morning at the hospital and this whole afternoon and evening at home I continue to feel at peace.  I know I keep saying that, but it really is something that I didn’t expect to feel so strongly.  Why do I doubt God’s ability to keep me at peace when He has never let me down before? 

Barry has been the best caretaker husband in the entire world and I am so blessed to have him in my life.  All of your emails, comments, texts and calls today have been an incredible comfort to us also.  Thanks to each of you that continue to lift us up in prayer, we feel it more than you can imagine.


  1. i'm SO happy you posted, and i like all the details:) i'm glad you had God's peace today, and that He put so many compassionate people in your day at the hospital...He does know what we need to make it through hard times. i will continue to pray for peace for you and barry, for your body, and for another pregnancy for you and barry...

  2. Oh Sweet Lisa reading this made me relive my two losses and the surgery I had to have. I remember hearing the Lords sweet voice telling me "just wait and see what I have for you..." Never in a million years would I believe that even though I heard many No's the YES that followed blessed me beyond words, I would go through the no's a thousand times to hear that precious miracle of a yes! Just know I am praying for you right now, I look forward to the post when you tell us about your amazing YES, that I believe is soon to come!

  3. I'm in tears. I'm glad everything went well. I've been keeping you guys in my prayers. I love the little details you've shared, too:)
    I was thinking about you today when I heard Steve Chapman and his wife talking on the radio about the struggles they went through when they lost their daughter Maria...I think her anniversary is this week. Is it a coindicidence that you've been sharing a lot of his songs here this week and the fact that he is sharing about the loss of a child? I LOVE how God works these things out!
    You guys came to mind as a listen this couple this morning. I was in tear listening to their story and thinking about you and your hubby.
    Here's the link if you'd like to listening to it.


    God Bless,

  4. I read the whole thing :) and I'm so glad that you feel at peace. I woke up in the middle of the night and just couldn't fall asleep until I prayed and prayed for you. I am sorry you have to go through this. I love you and will continue to pray for you.

  5. Your post reminds me so much of my own D & C... I also hated the fact that EVERY SINGLE PERSON asked why I was having the surgery, but I must say they were all very sympathetic... I also cried the moment I woke up , knowing my baby wasn't inside me anymore, and I was actually really inconsolable for quite some time...

    I'm thinking of both of you often, and I hope you will cope with the healing process... If I can give some advice - please talk about it a lot with each other - We only realized this past weekend that we avoided discussing the m/c and that it caused some problems between us... Thankfully we were able to sort it all out, but I think the worst feelings only hit me about 2 months later... I've also started to admit to family that I'm not coping too well, because they all thought all was well already, and it's not...

  6. Thank you for sharing this Lisa, I shed many tears while reading this, because there are so many similarities in our surgery story. I work up from surgery crying as well, you are so lucky to have such a good nurse there with you. I woke up in a shift change, and I heard one nurse tell the other..."she's crying" then I think they gave me more drugs. It is amazing how God brings you peace in the moments when you should be a utter wreck. This is what it means to be held. =)

  7. Dear Lisa and Barry - we will continue to pray for your happiness in all things. You'll always have us to laugh with, cry with, hold on to and depend on. We love and support you! "The Aunts"

  8. *hugs* I was there about two years ago. Please know that you do not walk alone. I pray that God brings you much peace and healing in coming days, weeks and months.

  9. Lisa, having experienced this twice, reading your words just made me hurt for you, and also so grateful that your faith is so strong, as I always wonder how people make it through this with no faith! Continuing to pray for you and Barry, for peace, and comfort, and for Him to continue to surround you with people who will lift you up, and not hurt you (even though they never intend that!). Love and prayers!

  10. I know it was hard posting the details. You and Barry have been on my heart and mind every day and night. I know just how difficult this is. I am so glad you are at peace and have this platform where you have the support of so many. I love you and continue to pray for you guys.

  11. I thank God that He placed such supportive and compassionate people with you during this time. You continue to be in my prayers.

  12. Lisa,

    I have been reading your Blog and I want you to know that I'm praying for the both of yall. This post brought many memories from our loss in July of 2009 and I cried as I remembered and read your words. I, too was blessed by God with a supernatural, unexplainable peace, "the peace that passes all understanding" and it made me so aware of his lovingkindness. I needed him badly, as you do now, and he was Abba, Daddy, holding me close. I pray that you feel that tonight as you began to heal, both physically and emotionally. There's a song by Kari Jobe called "You are For Me". I hope you get a chance to google it and let those words be sung over you.....it will bless you. I'll keep praying, God will be faithful! He will be glorified in this, as he already has....he will bless you and be more than enough.

  13. Hi Lisa,

    I heard about your recent loss through Becky's blog. I know these words sound so inadequate sometimes, but I'm so very sorry. Reading your post brought back a flood of memories and emotions about my own miscarriages. I was in tears while reading about the particularly kind and comforting nurse who took such good care of you. What a blessing she was! So glad that you have supportive people around you and a husband who is by your side through this. Praying that the Lord will continue to heal and comfort you.

  14. I am very thankful for all of the details... especially since you were all drugged up. I love you so much and cannot wait to see you again. You are continually in my prayers as always. I love and miss you and know that God is in control, you are not alone, and there are many that love you so much.

  15. Oh Lisa. We just got home from Alaska and I am just now having the opportunity to read about all of this news. I am heartbroken. I am very very sorry for your loss, and I will keep you and Barry in my prayers ceaselessly. Your strength is such a gift from God- you are far stronger than myself and you amaze me in your faith in God! Again, I am so sorry. As I read these posts I used about 20 tissues, both tears of sorrow and tears of complete awe at your strength. Praying for you!