A Double Whammy and a Change of Plans

As if learning you are not pregnant another month isn’t hard enough…I went back yesterday to the OBGYN for a Day 3 Ultrasound.  While I was there the lady doing the ultrasound told me there were no cysts.  Yea!  I went home, received the Clomid and Ovidrel in the mail and almost took my first dose of Clomid but decided to hold off until I heard from the RE just in case there was any change in the plans.

The nurse called and they found 2 big cysts – one measuring 22 (cm? mm?) on my right ovary and one measuring 26 (I’ll say units) on my left ovary.  The cysts are probably caused by the medications I was on to help me ovulate.  They will not proceed with the next medicated cycle unless the cysts are below 15 units.  Sigh.  So….

They are putting me back on birth control pills for this next cycle to assist my body in getting rid of the cysts.  I have been having AWFUL lower back pains and was just attributing them to cramps, but apparently the cysts were the culprit.  They really do not feel good one bit.

I am so so so so so so so mad about this.  I was told at the OBGYN that I did not have any cysts so I was thinking everything was fine, on with the next cycle, upping the Clomid, new possibilities, yea.  Then the RE nurse calls me and those plans are off.  Completely off.  Back on birth control??  I know this can happen, but I want the EXACT OPPOSITE of what birth control can offer me!!  It makes me so sad to take those stupid pills every night now.  Just another constant reminder that my body isn’t doing what it’s supposed to be doing.  (And why in the world was I told at the OBGYN there were no cysts??)

We went out to dinner last night because let’s face it, food is my way of coping.  We splurged and cheated for the first time since being on Sugar Busters and got a big ol’ Bloomin Onion.  (It was so good yet my stomach did not at all like it the rest of the night…or today for that matter.)  On the way home Barry had a neat idea.  He said that God always works in unexpected ways.  He always accomplishes His will through the most unlikely people and through the most unlikely situations so that only He can receive the glory for it.  So if we really believe that He is who He says He is…and if we believe that He really can accomplish ANYTHING then there is just as much a chance that we will get pregnant this cycle than any other cycle on meds.   And how much more glory would He receive if we got pregnant in the most unlikely month since we’ve been trying. 

Wow, I do totally believe that God can do ANYTHING He so desires…again, look at the Bible…Mary - she was a virgin and conceived baby Jesus!  And Sarah was in her 90’s when she gave birth to Isaac!  I KNOW the Lord CAN DO ANYTHING!!  And how cool would that be to get pregnant on this cycle?  But at what point do we look at the situation and say, “you know what…He’s closing doors, it’s not happening…maybe it’s His will we become parents a different way”?  But this emotional roller coaster, with the hoping and the crashing down and the waiting and the hoping and the disappointments and the waiting…I just don’t know how long I can take it.  I guess the answer to that is in my own strength I couldn’t have taken it this long.  But with the Lord’s strength He will help me make it for as long as it is in His will that I do so. 

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” ~Ephesians 3:20-21