Saturday, January 30, 2010

A Double Whammy and a Change of Plans

As if learning you are not pregnant another month isn’t hard enough…I went back yesterday to the OBGYN for a Day 3 Ultrasound.  While I was there the lady doing the ultrasound told me there were no cysts.  Yea!  I went home, received the Clomid and Ovidrel in the mail and almost took my first dose of Clomid but decided to hold off until I heard from the RE just in case there was any change in the plans.

The nurse called and they found 2 big cysts – one measuring 22 (cm? mm?) on my right ovary and one measuring 26 (I’ll say units) on my left ovary.  The cysts are probably caused by the medications I was on to help me ovulate.  They will not proceed with the next medicated cycle unless the cysts are below 15 units.  Sigh.  So….


They are putting me back on birth control pills for this next cycle to assist my body in getting rid of the cysts.  I have been having AWFUL lower back pains and was just attributing them to cramps, but apparently the cysts were the culprit.  They really do not feel good one bit.

I am so so so so so so so mad about this.  I was told at the OBGYN that I did not have any cysts so I was thinking everything was fine, on with the next cycle, upping the Clomid, new possibilities, yea.  Then the RE nurse calls me and those plans are off.  Completely off.  Back on birth control??  I know this can happen, but I want the EXACT OPPOSITE of what birth control can offer me!!  It makes me so sad to take those stupid pills every night now.  Just another constant reminder that my body isn’t doing what it’s supposed to be doing.  (And why in the world was I told at the OBGYN there were no cysts??)

We went out to dinner last night because let’s face it, food is my way of coping.  We splurged and cheated for the first time since being on Sugar Busters and got a big ol’ Bloomin Onion.  (It was so good yet my stomach did not at all like it the rest of the night…or today for that matter.)  On the way home Barry had a neat idea.  He said that God always works in unexpected ways.  He always accomplishes His will through the most unlikely people and through the most unlikely situations so that only He can receive the glory for it.  So if we really believe that He is who He says He is…and if we believe that He really can accomplish ANYTHING then there is just as much a chance that we will get pregnant this cycle than any other cycle on meds.   And how much more glory would He receive if we got pregnant in the most unlikely month since we’ve been trying. 

Wow, I do totally believe that God can do ANYTHING He so desires…again, look at the Bible…Mary - she was a virgin and conceived baby Jesus!  And Sarah was in her 90’s when she gave birth to Isaac!  I KNOW the Lord CAN DO ANYTHING!!  And how cool would that be to get pregnant on this cycle?  But at what point do we look at the situation and say, “you know what…He’s closing doors, it’s not happening…maybe it’s His will we become parents a different way”?  But this emotional roller coaster, with the hoping and the crashing down and the waiting and the hoping and the disappointments and the waiting…I just don’t know how long I can take it.  I guess the answer to that is in my own strength I couldn’t have taken it this long.  But with the Lord’s strength He will help me make it for as long as it is in His will that I do so. 

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” ~Ephesians 3:20-21


  1. I'm so sorry you need to wait until the next cycle. Praying for you. Keeping Trusting in Him!

  2. I'm so sorry about your news. Isn't it weird to tell people that your "fertility doctor" put you on birth control? As always, your attitude is wonderful and I will be praying for you!

  3. Beautiful post! You're a great writer :) I am so sorry that you have cysts But I think that your husband is exactly right- God uses us to accomplish His work in ways that we'd never think of! Praying that you will continue to be a willing vessel of bringing God's plan to light, however He will make that happen!!

  4. I'm totally bummed reading this as I was expecting just the opposite of posts! Good grief! :-(

    You know though. Barry is completely correct. It's amazing and an encouragement that your husband has the ability to look past something and see God's ability to work in the situation no matter what. :-) Still hoping that this cycle is it yet hoping if it's not that at least the cysts will be gone and treatment can resume the next cycle!

  5. I am so sorry, what disappointing news.

    But I love Barry's attitude. With God nothing is impossible! I will join you guys in praying for a miracle this cycle!

    I LOVE that verse from Ephesians - it has been the verse I have clung to in my struggle with IF.

  6. I feel myself being drawn to your life so much as you go through this and I must say, I am so impressed with your continued faith while you are walking in the depths of despair. I love you guys so much and I will continue to pray.

  7. I'm sorry Lisa! That really stinks and I would be mad too. I am so impressed with your and Barry's attitudes! You are my heroes! You never know... Good luck and I hope your back feels better.

  8. Lisa---
    The depth of understanding & closeness to Christ's heart that you are developing is truly inspiring to your friends who read this blog. Like Lindsay, I am drawn to your life more than ever before, look forward to our conversations & the wisdom that I gain from hearing you speak. Someone told me recently that in God's "economy" or way of living the ONLY WAY UP is DOWN...So I've been falling flat on my face asking for certain things and you are one of a few "certain things" I BEG FOR when I am flat. I love you & pray for you daily!
    Love, Court.

  9. I understand how you feel. I had the exact same news several months ago. I thought the news of going on BC was more devastating than the not pregnant news. I was literally depressed. It worked in getting rid of my cysts though. I know that ANOTHER month seems like eternity, but I'm hoping you make it through quickly and it breaks up those cysts. Has your doctor talked to you about doing FSH shots instead of Clomid? It's something you might want to consider after trying Clomid a few months.

  10. I will be praying for you. Those cysts are definately painful and you are so very lucky not to be doubled over in pain from them. I totally agree with Barry and feel that your outlook on things is terrific. Trust in God as everything is in HIS time not our time. Difficult but true.